A search for frustration?

Most people spend some serious time thinking about what they look for in another person. I am certainly no different in this regard. The question is, do we know what we really look for? I mean how many times do we find someone that doesn't at all fit our "type" but we go for them anyway? Is it maybe because we can't really recognize what it is that we go for?

The other night, I was out with some friends and we were talking about "potential" people. One name in particular came up, and my friend said, "But then again, you like boys who haven't really got it all figured out yet." What? It would have been nice to dismiss this comment out of hand, but instead my ridiculously probing mind scanned through the people in my life that I have been with, and there may be some truth to that statement. A scary thought, since in many ways I feel that is something I don't want. So then I wondered, is it that I am subconsciously searching these people out, or is it that they simply seem to find me?

A great friend of mine once said that he always struggled with the idea of a relationship where both parties helped each other grow, but neither one was "the teacher." Given his personality, he is certainly going to be able to fall into the role of being a teacher quite easily. He is educated, introspective, and has a worldly view. He also likes seeing people grow, and has no problem helping them do so. Many ways, much like myself. The problem of course comes down to the fact that when it is your friends, being a teacher isn't necessarily a bad thing. In a relationship, it creates inequality. Now it may be that relationships can thrive on that inequality, but I certainly am not convinced of that. Conversely, I don't believe that you should ever be in a relationship where the two individuals didn't help one another to grow and to overcome hurdles. Grey area indeed.

So is my joy of teaching people creating a need that I didn't even recognize? It is certainly possible. I know that a lot of my friends fall into that category. I really do enjoy that people let me impact their lives, and I like doing it. When it comes to a relationship, I certainly want to do anything I can for the other, especially if it is something that they want to achieve or work through. Does this somehow relate to a need to do so? Or, if not that, is it that I draw people like that to me? That would make a lot of sense as well, since I never hold back on dispensing advice, or hide any of the things that might indicate what kind of person I am.

Another thing that happened that made me wonder if we know what we want. I spent some time with another friend of mine and he was telling me about his new interest. As he went on and on about the different aspects of this guy, I was a bit dumfounded. Not only was this guy not exactly what he traditionally liked, but point in fact, there were many things that he didn't like. Was he completely off base in what he thought he wanted and enjoyed?

Perhaps it has nothing to do with what we like or dislike, want or don't. Perhaps there is simply no rhyme or reason to who we are drawn to. But it does make you wonder, when you are playing tug of war with yourself over what you are willing to compromise in a relationship, is there any way to know, or is it always a toss of the dice?