Senseless

I had literally written an entire post for today, and then ended up deleting the entire thing. Perhaps it was Facebook's Safety Check sending my 30th update of the day as my friends checked in one by one to say that it was ok. Maybe it was Donald Trump's celebratory tweet, or maybe it was the incredibly thoughtful posts that so many of my friends, both within the LGBT community and without have been spreading around. Likely it was a great combination of these things that made me feel that my thoughts were too clinical, and in some ways far too nice.

I am tired of these tragedies. This one hit closer to home for me than anything since 9/11. People are calling this attack senseless. It's a phrase thrown around a lot, and seems so full of sympathy. "This was simply senseless." This shooting was tragic, but it wasn't senseless. In fact for us to say it's senseless belies the truth of the situation. The truth in which too many people in this country have said "this is ok."

This shooting was a targeted attack. It was both an act of terror and an act of hate. This man came into a space that for so many people was one of the only places they felt free and safe to be themselves, and he deliberately attacked them. Over 100 people were attacked by this man. It wasn't a crime of passion, it wasn't in the heat of the moment. It wasn't senseless. He knew exactly what he was doing, and what he'd hoped to accomplish. And he did it well.

The main problem is that in many ways, what he did was ok to a lot of people. Look at the Lt. Governor's tweet about us reaping what we sow. Trump's call for more anti-Islam hate. Hell look a bit closer to home, where the Governor of Florida had signed into law a bill that stripped all adoption rights from LGBT individuals, because they "weren't fit to be parents."

When our elected officials are allowed to do things like this, they are being allowed to set the stage for what just happened. You can't constantly say that someone is less than someone else without also diminishing their basic humanity. I'm sure that Omar (the suspected shooter) didn't feel like he was killing real people. He'd been led to believe in his hate, that they were something else, they were "the enemy." This happened to the LGBT community. But we set the stage for it to happen to a lot of different people. Being different can't be equated with being lesser. One religion isn't right or wrong. One race isn't good or evil.

This Presidential election season has shown that we allow our hatred for things different to run deeply. So few people were able to converse about facts and issues without demonizing the opposition. Sometimes violence occurred. In terrifying instances, it was encouraged. Candidates were not called on just their issues, but who they were. Their sex, their age, their families. It's all the same thing. Anytime we allow someone to be cast as something less than equal, we open the floodgates, and I want to see them slammed shut.

I am overwhelmed at the support and emotional posts that people are spreading, and I hope to see them continue. I hope that as this news cycle ends and this terrible story starts to fade into the background, that we can continue to support ideals of hope and humanity instead of divisiveness and hate. Maybe then we can have less of these acts that we have to claim are so senseless to make ourselves feel better.

Pink and Gleeful, yet still freaks

Let's face it, though she may not be the first name that pops into your mind, the gays needed little help when it comes to loving Pink. Her fiery music that could nearly always spin out on the dance floor with lyrics that speaks to the best and worst of our times, live performances that put her peers to shame, and an unshakable affinity for those that sometimes don't just seem to fit in, she is definitely and artist easy for us to adore. Of course this week, that love was given an newer outlet when her song was sung by the gay heartthrob in Glee. Anyone who has a Twitter pulse could see a myriad of posts over the next day shouting out to our "nitty gritty dirty little freaks" or telling us to "Raise your Glass." I shouldn't have been surprised when the next day I typed as far as "Ra" into google that the first thing that popped up was "Raise Your Glass Pink Lyrics." Clearly this song was on fire across the nation, and especially with the gay boys.

I had the chance to briefly meet Pink at the HRC National Dinner this year, and more importantly, I heard her speak. I have always been a fan of her music, but listening to her talk about her views of the world and people whom others label as "different" really struck a chord. This wasn't a diva trying to drum up some gay love. This was a woman who felt exactly what it was that so many gay teens across the nation feel as they struggle with being what much of our society still considers "wrong."

Pink's songs are a perfect fit with Glee. The capital "L" for loser that Glee so openly embraces runs through the heart of the show in the same way that it runs through Pink's words. Being me, I had to of course re-listen to the song in my head over and over, alternating between Pink's and Darrin's voice. Then, to satisfy my love of words, I read the lyrics too. The combination of the Glee themes, also exhibited in the original songs combined with Pink's powerful lyrics got me to think about how strange it seems that we still have the idea of "losers" and "freaks." All Pink's "little underdogs" really seem like they shouldn't still exist outside the realms of "normal" and yet somehow they do, especially towards the gay world.


Why is it that we as a society can still marginalize people? We have the knowledge to make this seem ridiculous. First, looking at history, it is the freaks, underdogs, and losers that have shaken this world up when it needed it the most. The US wouldn't even exist in its current form if not for these kinds of people. Secondly, how is it that with all of the information that we have pouring out about ourselves and each other with the web and social networking can we not realize that most everyone is a freak in one way or the other. Ok, so you're a jock. You also "like" old school Mario video games, and used to play house with your sister. You may be prom queen, but your family photos show exactly how much of a tomboy you were for most of your life. Everyone's got at least a little "freak" in them, and yet we still have to pick on it. Even when something seems "accepted" by society, we still manage to push these "accepted people" to the margins.

Being gay is at a seemingly weird point in our history. In some ways we are so accepted that many people feel that being gay is a "non-issue." I mean we have high schoolers kissing on prime time television! While this can be a great thing, it has also lead to an almost ignorant view of the world that still has teens killing themselves because society still says that who they are is wrong. Many of us can't seem to decide whether or not we should allow being gay to matter at all. I hear so often that "being gay isn't who I am." True statement, but does that also mean that we must then give up our camaraderie and shared companionship over being gay? I have always been opposed to this removal in any form. Being gay may not be ALL you are, but it is indeed a part of who you are. There is nothing wrong with embracing this as part of you and celebrating it, not just "accepting" it by ignoring it's there.

I think that the answer to the tough questions we have about what to do, and how to live in a society that still seems to need to label so many of us as "outside" are right at our fingertips. Where can we find these answers? Just ask Pink. "Raise your glass if you're wrong in all the right ways." Embrace who you are, gather together and "Never be... Anything but loud." Don't lose your voice, and eventually, just like in Glee, the best part will follow and everyone will want to be a "Loser Like Me."

Oscar Gold!

Last night was the 81st Annual Academy Awards, and though it is indeed the gay SuperBowl, I was not that excited. The last several years have left me completely underwhelmed and I watch mostly just to see those 3 actual moments that people will talk about for the next week or two. Even with good hosts, something about the way the Oscars work made me feel like I was at a bad charity dinner- lots of interesting people doing nothing at all of interest.

This year, I was VERY pleasantly surprised! Since the winners were really not all that surprising, I want to instead talk about the show itself. Although I should note that Sean Penn’s speech was incredible, and most of the women looked AMAZING! This year they brought in new producers and completely changed the format and from top to bottom, the changes were a definite winner for me.

First off, Hugh Jackman was an incredible host! He was funny and entertaining, without simply using standup which was a nice change. He also wasn’t afraid to bring his musical background into the show, which seemed to be backed up well by the producers. This both made me happy, and of course made the show even gayer than before.

Another major change was the way that they presented the Acting awards. In years past, the last year’s winners of the opposite sex gave the award to the current winner after a small speech and clips from the nominees’ performances. This year, they pulled 5 (one for each nominee) previous winners of the same category, and each of them gave a personal tribute to the nominees. Each speech was so personal and moving, it actually felt the all the nominees were being honored, and by their peers. Several of them had tears in their eyes, and no wonder. It was moving.

They also had each team of presenters for non-acting categories present more than one award. This did several things. First, it saved time introducing people, which is always an issue. Secondly it allowed the presenters to actually carry through their personal presentation style so that nothing seemed rushed. Very nice all around.

Something else that was totally new were montages that included movies not at all mentioned in the Oscars. They did one for love, comedy, and action, and I would say at least 80% of the movies shown were all great movies that had no chance of winning a nomination. By showing these movies, it felt like they were still acknowledging their great effort, even though it was outside the traditional Academy honors.

The memorial was also made more moving when Queen Latifah sang. She was really good, looked great, and added a nice depth to the somber moment.

While all of these changes may seem small, in many ways for the show, they were revolutionary. And with ratings for the event consistently sliding, it was nice to see them finally make some changes that the audience could embrace. All in all it was more entertaining, and the show seemed far more personal than ever before.

Bravo!

All the "News" Unfit to Print

During my daily read of various blogs, one guy made the following statement:

"I'm constantly amazed at how the media control our thinking. We can't just look at the candidates for president, listen to what they're saying and come to our own conclusions. They have to tell us what the candidates said and whether it was effective before we can decide for ourselves whether any of it rings true and influences how we're going to vote."

This election season has certainly shown this, and for the first time I am displeased with the way my favorite news station is reporting. CNN to me has always had the most diversity in their reporting. When they slant the story, they always seem to show the opposing side, etc. and for the most part I felt that they reported the news rather than filtering it. Recently this has changed.

The blogger I quoted was actually talking primarily about the slow rise of John McCain, but you can certainly see this everywhere. If you had no idea what was going on with politics and watched CNN you would think that McCain was probably going to run with Huckabee as a likely running mate, Obama is nearly unstoppable, and that the races were nearly over. Most of these "assumptions" are false.

I will admit that I am a Clinton supporter, and have been for a long time, so the fact that it is my girl that is getting the short end of the stick certainly bothers me a lot, but more than that the simple way that "analysis" seems to be given more than news is really exasperating. When a candidate does something, it is not the action that is reported on most, but all the consequences of that action. Whether or not these consequences come to pass is not really important. Assumptions are easy that way.

What is most interesting to me is that if they would quit analyzing the news so much, we would see the outcomes of what happens, when it happens and when they report it. I watched CNN for 4 hours the other day (in the background of doing other things) and followed it up with a viewing of the ridiculous Fox. Both had far more analysts on screen than reporters. I think the ratio was something like 5 to 1. When did NEWS stations become more like the op-ed section of the New York Times? I fully expect that when I watch the "Glenn Beck Show" I will get his unique opinions on things. When I watch regular news though? No thanks. CNN and other news stations are effectively taking the thought process out of our hands by handing us more opinions than news. It would be like the New York Times printing op-eds on their front page instead of news, making us hunt for the facts amidst all the theories and assumptions.

Take a look at what's going on and make your own decisions. Look at the numbers, listen to the speeches. Hear what is said and make decisions. Don't assume that the things said on these stations are actually news. Guesses are just that, guesses. The people on screen may be smart, but the elections should not be on which analyst is the more eloquent and interesting. I hope that this does not come to pass, and that people will actually look at the truth amidst all the fluff. To CNN and friends, hopefully when this election is over, you can go back to being a news station and I can start to watch you again.

MySpace Matters

MySpace Matters
Current mood: artistic
Category: MySpace

I know that given the amount of time it has been since I have written here, I should probably start with something more thought provoking, or at least centered around my life, but tonight, not so much.

I have had conversations with people, one recently in particular that made me want to write this. Now what I am going to say also applies to Facebook, Xanga, etc. Basically, whichever site(s) you use for yourself. Feel free any time I say "MySpace" in this entry to refer to your site of choice. MySpace Matters. Why? Well, by the very fact that you are reading this, indicates that at least on some level, you utilize MySpace. The very fact that one uses these sites makes them incredibly important.

What is important about these sites is not so much that they exist themselves (though I have written and still believe that they add great communcative value to society, but that is a different issue), but rather that when someone uses the site, what it shows becomes valuable, and important.

The way I see it is this, MySpace is your face to the world. Some people hide behind private settings making sure that only those they trust see their face, while others leave everything right out there in the open for all the world to see. Some people put very little on their site, while others write blogs ranging from their daily activities to their philosophies on life. How and what one presents on MySpace is very much a part of who they are and how they want the world to percieve them.

Take another instance of import. One of my friends who has been in a long term relationship, had his "status" as single. I not so gently told him that he was a horrible boyfriend for doing so. My reasoning? That is one of his public faces. It would be very much like him meeting someone and saying that he was single. In my own experience, I remember very clearly when I decided that I wanted one person and any other interests were no longer a factor. To me, one of my ways of making that decision was deciding when it was that I would "announce" if you will that I was no longer single. *Note here that this was in the past, and no longer true.

Friends lists are another hot issue on MySpace. Sometimes there seems to be battles over who is on who's top and who has the most friends. For me, it is something I think about. I look at my life as it is now, and base my top friends over who is most prevalent in my life at that time. For me, I also only include people or organizations that I actually know on my list at all. I know some people are a lot more open than that, while others hate the "Top Friends" completely. There is no right or wrong, but it does say a lot about who you are. Some people think that all their friends are always equal. To me, that will never be the case. Those who are prevalent in my life will hold a significance that others don't. I will feel, and acknowledge stronger connections with some friends than others. That doesn't mean that one is "better" or even that another is no longer a part of my life, just that they aren't as involved at the moment.

I could continue listing examples all morning, but suffice to say, that no matter how much or how little one utilizes these sites, once you are there, it is a part of your image. The effort you put into it, and what you do with it one way or the other says a lot about who you are. I think that people are able to easiliy dismiss something on here because it's "online," when in truth chances are more people are going to see this side of you than any other. Important? I say so.

Ever Evolving Communication

I was in Jefferson City for work yesterday, and since I was staying with Ben and it was Thursday night (the night to go out in Columbia) I decided I would hit the club. I had a great time, and it was nice to see a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a while. I also met several new people, which is where the theme for this entry comes up. After meeting someone, there is normally an exchange of personal information so that you can keep in contact. Phone numbers, and even e-mails are common asks that I have received. Last night however, I had a number of the people I met as not for either of these traditional methods, but instead, if I used MySpace. Now since one of the copies of this journal is on MySpace, of course the answer is yes, but that question really made me step back and look at what MySpace and sites like it have done to communication.

Personally I think that the "connection sites" (i.e. MySpace, Connexion, Facebook, etc.) have made some major changes to the way we talk to each other and how easy it is for people to connect. Through the use of bulletins, you are able to send information to all of your friends at once, without actually having to make sure you tell everyone. Sites with blogs take this to the next level, sharing more in depth stories and thoughts with any of your friends that want to listen. I find myself fascinated by friends I had in high school, and how different, and amazing they are today. I can think of two friends in particular, who through MySpace have made a huge change in the way I view them. Not that I didn't like them before, I just realized that time and distance have made it so we really didn't know each other any more, and these sites have changed that. I really like that.

When I thought about the people that I met last night, in many ways asking for MySpace or a similar site is brilliant, because it lets you learn even more about them right off the back. I mean on my site for example, you can learn what I think my personality is, who my friends are, my book, movie, and music tastes, and if you are daring enough to read my blog, you can really learn much of my philosophies about life. A good source of information indeed.

Of course the sites also allow people to meet one another through better channels. My favorite site for this is Connexion.org . Through that site, when you click on someone, you can see how (if at all) you are linked to that person in a 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon sort of way. If I am looking at someone who is in a group I belong to (normally these groups are interest or profession based) and then on top of the initial commonality we share I realize that they are friends with some of my friends, that connection becomes stronger, and you are no longer looking at a complete stranger, but someone whom you might actually be able to create a good friendship with. That is impressive to me.

I may actually hit on this more at some point, but I was just drawn into how communication is ever evolving, and how if used right it can make a great many positive impacts in our lives. To show both some of my thoughts on that, and how things are changing in a short time, I am going to follow this entry up with an essay I wrote for one of my classes. Two years ago I took a Harvard class called "Internet, Technology, and the Policies of Control." I really enjoyed it. We talked about the changes in the world, and what that meant for privacy, business, and humans in general. One of the topics I focused in on was communication, and thus I wrote this essay: **Note, it is a 7 page essay

This artificial world is a lot more polite than the real world.

I heard these words the other day as I played an online game called Final Fantasy XI. For some reason, it stuck with me, and I realized that our methods of communication have changed a great deal in recent year, and our interpersonal relationships have been greatly affected as well. People are meeting and conversing in ways never before thought possible, and it has drastically changed our interactions with other people.

Many people who precede my generation would say that the level of communication that we have now is inferior to that of the past. Instant messages and 2 minute cell phone conversations cannot compare, some would say, with the depth of a written letter for example. It has been discussed that as our technology has advanced, our interpersonal skills and interpersonal relationships have suffered greatly.

I have never prescribed to this belief, and yet as a man of curiosity, I was forced to examine what has actually happened to communication with the advent of the internet. Have we truly lessened ourselves as people with the increase of convenience? Have we become a people who lack substance and depth? Have we lost the ability to truly communicate on a deep and meaningful level? I would contend that this is not the case and instead, our communication has simply changed, and like all shifts in society requires some getting used to and a certain amount of adjustment.

There have been three major areas in which the internet has altered our communication: through automation, time, and connectability. While these are all linked, they each impact some or all of our lives in different ways. I believe that by adapting to these new changes, we as a society can continue to grow, even in the realm of communication.

First and foremost is the automation that has permeated society. Many tasks which historically have required another person are now able to be done online, by ourselves. No longer do we have to visit the bank or even call and speak to a teller in order to gain information and make transactions with our accounts. Technical support for many of our appliances and computer software can now be found online. Even household tasks like shopping can now be done at home, in front of a computer. Like so many other advances in technology, this automation has come as a result of our yearning for convenience, yet it retrospect, it seems we may have lost something greater as a result.

While most would not consider it a vital part of our lives, the relationships that we form in small doses can have a big impact on our day. Most people would admit that getting a smile from your gas attendant or local cashier use your name when talking to you brightens your day a little bit. Its natural; humans are social animals. So what do we do with this void now that we no longer have to go inside to pay for our gas thanks to internet based credit card processing? And what have we lost by not coming face to face with the people who handle our business?

What about time? Many who feel that our communication has suffered over time point to the amount of time that we spend talking to another person as one of our greatest problems. No longer must a long letter be written, or even a long, meaningful phone conversation be had. Instead, we have instant messaging, 3 sentence e-mails, and of course the newest, text messaging on our cell phones. To test this idea, I looked over the e-mails I received in a week. Excluding forwards, a good 85% of them were indeed less than 3 lines long, more a note than anything else. Random selections of friends and relatives proved much the same. Text messages by their very nature are short and to the point, else they have no use, and instant messaging hardly seems comparable to any other form of communication. There is limited interaction. You cannot hear their voice, see their face, etc. The time and attention that we seem to give one another in our conversations seems to have greatly diminished.

The internet has also increased the number of things that people can do together from greater distances, without ever leaving their homes. Many have praised this as a great accomplishment of the internet, while others point to the negative sides: people spending more time secluded in their homes, in front of a computer as opposed to spending their time with face-to-face interaction with other people. Younger members of our society have probably seen the biggest impacts of this technology through video games. Inviting a bunch of people over to play Nintendo is no longer a necessity when each of you can fire up your computer or game consul, plug into the internet and connect with your friends right from your own home.

All age groups have been able to see this to a certain degree beyond those that I already mentioned through chat rooms. People of similar interests can access a place in cyberspace and discuss whatever they like. No need to go into town as part of an organization to converse with people who share your interests, just pop online with instant access, any time night or day- of course without the personal contact that most psychologists claim that we need.

So, is it worth it? Are all the advances we have made adding to our society, or taking away from vital social interactions? The answer is two-fold. Society is benefiting from our technological advancements, but without a certain amount of adjustment we as a society could suffer. More than ever, technology is racing ahead, and many are being left behind. Advancements are being made faster than our culture can adapt, and therein lies the risk.

So what can we do to maximize the benefits and negate the disadvantages of our technology? Automation needs the smallest amount of adjustment. In fact, from my perspective, if used right, it takes all the negativity out of a lot of tasks, and lets people enjoy some of the things we are required to do in our lives. Ordering a rare toy online negates the Christmas negativity where moms and dads stand in line screaming at one another over who gets to take the last Tickle Me Elmo out of the store. In fact, there has been a decrease in angry shoppers in general over the last few years. At least part of this is based upon the fact that internet ordering has become more popular. When I go to the mall now, its more like when I was a teenager, a social event where you idly walk through stores, seeing people that you know from around town, and generally having a good time. Beyond that, the fact that you are actually going out for something adds an additional element, and often time, to it.

The time issue takes a little more work on our part. But first I think that we must look at the overall benefits that the new technology provides. While many of my friends may only drop a 2 line e-mail simply to say hello, it still shows that they care. The text message that took a minute to type shows importance, and even if it is only for a moment, it reconnects people quickly and easily. Instant messaging also improves the ability to maintain relationships over time and distance. When I moved back to Missouri after my time at Harvard, I was able to maintain constant contact with many of the people that I met there through instant messaging far better than I could have if I had to write them letters and wait for the response. The simple fact of how much time has passed between mailed letters makes it difficult to maintain the same level of intimacy that you can have if you check in with them every couple of days over IM to let them know whats been going on in my life. Remember also, that day-to-day friendships are maintained in person by the small tidbits of life that we share with one another. This new technology allows people to share these details of their life with one another almost instantly

Given all of these positives, there are still things that we can do better. One of my dearest friends, moved away a few months back and life has simply not been the same. He was the kind of guy that would spend hours with me at the local coffee shop discussing politics, philosophy, love, and life. When he moved away, it was incredibly difficult to maintain our intense relationship. With his strong liberal arts communications education, he commented on this just the other day, and I think he very clearly sums up the issues with e-mail, and some things we can do to improve them.

He said that it was important to maintain and improve communication in e-mails, especially with regards to discussion. He said to me, I quote your words to show that I read your e-mail carefully and want to respond to specific points. While this specific advice may or may not work for everyone, it certainly points out the major flaw in the way we communicate over e-mail. Far too often, we read over something rather quickly, and if we respond, it is often to the general idea of the letter, not to the specific points, and has less depth than the mail we received. Its important to remember that quick notes are great- they help us in many ways. That being said, the depth is still needed. We need to use what we have to expand our communication, not lessen it. We need to make sure that we dont allow the ease of communication to detract from the fact that we need to communicate. A long, thoughtful e-mail can be as deep and meaningful as a written correspondence ever was, so long as we put forth the effort to make it so. The conversations we share in IM can have great meaning if we use it as a tool to close distances rather than condense information.

When it comes to connectability, we have the greatest need for a shift in thinking, and yet by its very nature, the connection that the internet creates new means to bring people together, not push them away. In his book Gods Debris, Scott Adams presents what he calls a thought experiment. While the details of the book are unimportant to our discussion, he points out that throughout human history, we have been closing distances. Initially it showed mostly with transportation, but always was there regards to communication. For a long time the two went hand and hand. The easier it was to travel from place to place, the easier it was to communicate via letters, etc. Then, when phones came out, communication started to move ahead of transportation. With the advent of the internet, we have truly started to see a global community emerge. Adams book explains that humans have a need to close the gaps that separate us and become more united. I think that that is what we are on our way towards accomplishing.

In order for this to happen however, we need to make sure that we are using our technology. As Neil Postman points out in his book Technopoly, the problem with a lot of technology, computers in particular, is that we have stopped using technology, and we are letting it use us. Postman contends that with effort on our part, technology can be a tool to enhance the most human of our endeavors. Technology has created a vast new world of communication, one that we can utilize to make our lives better. In doing so, we need to make sure that we are still pursuing meaningful relationships, else we risk sacrificing ourselves to our own technology.

But beyond this somewhat idealistic advice, we also need to remember that a change in communication is not necessarily a bad thing. As I said earlier, the reason that I began thinking of this topic was because of a game I play which is solely online. This time of community is relatively new and taking some getting used to, especially for older generations. Just because we do not see each other in person does not mean that it is not a social situation. Games like Final Fantasy XI force people to interact with each other, compete against each other, and work with each other. These situations, though simulated through a computer, are more realistic than much of society gives them credit for. It creates situations that force people of all races, genders and ages to come together from across the globe. That kind of exposure is hard to come by, especially when you are younger.

To a certain degree, the same holds true for chat rooms and other internet meeting places. Through them you can communicate with and meet people from halfway across the globe. We can find those that share your interests, or better yet, learn about other people who have lives very different from our own. While this may not be the same as living day to day with the people that you meet, it gives us access to a wealth of diverse ideas and personalities that has been otherwise unavailable to us. The internet has created new environments for us that can be a great asset to us as a society, and while they may not be the only form of interpersonal relationships, they should certainly count.

When it comes down to it, the world is what you make it. As I stated in the very beginning, others I have talked to have made the observation that the worlds and connections created online can be just a lot nicer than the ones we see when we leave our house. Within the game, people smile and wave when they see someone they know. In an IM chat, people use emotioncons to smile at someone and make them feel better. We need to look at the internet as an opportunity when it comes to our interpersonal communications. We need to use the internet as the tool it was meant to be, expanding our horizons, deepening our relationships, and maybe even re-teaching some lessons that we as a society have seemed to lose.