Present Future

One thing that I have always had is a strong vision for the future. No matter what I am doing in my life, I see it in a large picture, with an eye towards what is coming. When life is hard or blissful, this has always been true. Some times this ability helps me get through rough times, or to create something new. I think that this was and continues to be a driving force behind the creation and direction of my company.

Another aspect of my personality- one that doesn't have such positive effects- is my impatience. I don't think that there is anything that creates more frustration for me than what I view as needless waiting. At my best I simply see a drive towards action, at my worst it creates an extreme anger that probably gets me into trouble. Regardless, neither of these traits on their own prompted my thoughts this night, but rather the effect that they have on one another.

I think that sometimes it is hard to examine various aspects of our personality, because each separate piece interacts with all the others, sometimes creating new traits. In this instance, I wonder is there is something that I do because of the combination of impatience and vision. I wonder if I create the future in the present. What I mean is this: when I see something, I often play the tape forward to how it can or will be in the future. Given my impatience, I want this vision to meet reality as soon as possible. With that, I see where there are instances where I may act as though the future is already here. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing, and sometimes without thinking about it, we can create a "slant" on reality that is not exactly the way it is. Much like having a bias, it can distort the world without us actually realizing it.

One example would include my company. One of the struggles that I have had is that in many ways I run it in the same way I plan to run it in the future, when its size is much larger. In many ways this can be positive, as it makes me try and maintain a higher level of professionality, and allows me to set in place systems that will be used as the company grows. It also made it difficult and frustrating at times, where I would try and fill positions that may not need to exist, or try and accomplish something that the company simply wasn't ready for.

Relationships can be another visible location. I have always known that I like moving things fast. Sometimes it is intentional, but really, when you look at it, I always go exactly where I feel I should be. It occurred to me that there may have been times where I could see potential in a relationship, created a vision for the future with us involved, and then without realizing it, stepped into or at least partially expected to be in that future, instead of walking towards it. It is going to be interesting to see how this realization will show up in other areas of my life, and how this knowledge will allow me to deal with the situations I create. In some ways I can see great benefit in living into the future. At the same time I know that I need to be cognisant of what I am doing so that I don't create confusion for myself or others with actions or expectations that don't apply to the present. Rather than getting ahead of myself, I need to make sure that I am not putting myself ahead of reality.