Sex. Sex. Sex.

Sex. Sex. Sex.

So here is a good question: How much does sex mean to a relationship? I mean I know that sex certainly isn't everything, but to say that it isn't something seems quite ridiculous.

One of the questions that people ask a lot, and certainly one of the ones that I ponder quite often is: Can a person be perfectly compatible with another? I would like to think so, but I am not really willing to exclude anyone who doesn't exactly fit the bill from the potential dating pool. So if you assume that you should strive for that perfect connection, while allowing for some concessions on the road to finding happiness, where does sex fall?

Is it something as unimportant as them not liking Italian food? I hardly think so. But then again is it as important as them having the same goals in life as you? Hmmm. To complicate the issue even further, there isn't really a yes or no question with sex. Do you like it? Well, one would hope so. But it really extends far beyond that. Sexual compatibility has so many factors in it. Does it matter if it is just OK? What if so much about that person seems perfect, but the sex is OK? Or what if it is bad? And of course this takes into account that either is only in relation to you. For example, to me, kissing is important. If it isn't to them, that could be a problem. Moreover, if they are a tentative and peckish kisser, I am not going to like it as much. To others, this is perfection. Much the same as any other preference.

Part of how you have to look at this is how you are going to view sex. If you look at it for the enjoyment sake, on one hand you want it to be good, but at the same time are probably more likely to be able to overlook the fact that the love of your life doesn't give you better sex than you could provide on your own. You can still have fun. Of course if sex to you is love, then what exactly does it mean when you can't connect with the person you are with on that level?

This works in reverse as well. What if the sex is great? Lets take it a step further and say that you are madly in love with them, the sex is perfect, but your brain keeps saying no. Body and Heart vs. Brain. Hmmm.

Maybe that is why sex is so confusing. Your head is logical and preferential. Your heart is something you can't control at all. What your body feels is sort of a middle ground. It is like a third aspect that when evaluating a relationship we often completely overlook despite how much of a part of our life it is. Consider also that when referring to sex in this light, it can be the way you feel when your hands touch. While it is sexual pleasure, the impacts to your heart and mind are much deeper. With all this impact, how can it not be important?

As with much of this search for love, I haven't found the answers yet, but that won't keep me from searching, or from sharing these searches with you. More to come on this, I am sure.