Tonight I had an epiphany about my relationship to distractions. I have always been willing to "move the world"- as I put it- for something I care about. I have been called ambitious and driven by most everyone I know. I think about this as I hear stories, or even see movies where the people who normally match these descriptions and wonder how I relate to them. Often you see these people losing one thing that is "important to them" in favor of another. The typical symbol of this tie is the interruptive cell phone. Am I really that kind of person? There are times that I think my phone rings off the hook, and I fall head-long into that trap, but most of the time this doesn't seem to be the case. In The Devil Wears Prada there is a line that I think might apply. "The person whose calls you answer, that is who you are in a relationship with... I hope you are happy together."
How many times do we see or hear about the person who is "married to their work"? I certainly love my work, and feel no need to remove it from areas of my life. I consider my career as a part of me, as much- if different- as my friends, my philanthropic work, my family, and my activism. Each plays an important role in my life. Am I hooked on one more than another? Do I give up part of my life for another? If so, is it too much? These are all questions that I have asked myself for a long time, but I may know how I feel that I have a unique balance between the aspects of my life. Right or wrong, this is my discovery:
The flippant statement that I mentioned at the beginning about moving the world really is more true then I ever realized. I am willing to put nearly everything on hold for what is important, and I do more than I was aware of. This weekend is a perfect example. For many reasons that I won't go into at the moment, I felt I needed to be somewhere. I completely changed all of my plans, passed over some opportunities, etc. so that I could do what I felt needed to be done. Some of this was obvious. Today I realized the depths to which I go. If something is capturing my attention, I turn off all else. I don't take my cell phone with me, I cut myself off. Rather than be distracted, I chose to disappear.
The most obvious and hyperbolized example of this is Boys State. Clearly one of the most important things that I do, there are times when it consumes everything. For nearly two weeks every year, I don't answer my cell phone, I only make cursory checks of my e-mail, etc. A few years ago when my company was new, I tried to do it a little differently. I tried to keep up with both work and Boys State at the same time. While I feel like I did what I needed to, I could feel a dramatic difference. I have never tried to do that again.
This method of focusing on what's important really makes a lot of sense to me. I am a passionate, and fiery person. I also value the diversity in my life, and keep a lot of things going on at once. I like change. New things can sometimes draw my attention in a way that is almost A.D.D. How does all this mix? Like a fire that catches gasoline, all energy goes into the inferno before the fire calms down and looks for a new focus. I do exactly that. I give all my focus to what interests, and what is important to me. I think I have done this all my life, and if anything do it moreso now than ever before. This I know.
What I have yet to figure out is whether this is good or bad. On one hand, it can be really bad to those that people and things that are on the outside when I am focusing on something. I certainly know many people who have in one way or another been frustrated by my... flexibility. On the flip side, what would it mean to what is important to me if I were to change? When I have my friend crying on my shoulder and ignore my cell phone, how can that be wrong? How many times have we heard "give it your all"? That is often the only time that things really get done. Is that the right cost? Would it be better to chose with every ring of the cell phone? At this point I don't know. I bet some people will chose the traditional easy answer of "it depends." Really though, it doesn't. The way you are with what's important to you should be across the board. If not, something isn't really important.
For now, I am content with the knowledge of my reactions, and the questions it will now raise in me. As for the people and things in my life, for now they will have to be content with receiving all of my energy at times, and none at others. For good or ill, it's who I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment