**DISCLAIMER: This is a realm of thought that has been brewing in my head for some time now, and as such it is a bit long (and as usual, at least the tiniest bit random).
“You can convince yourself of anything.”
A good friend once said that to me, and at the time I was inclined to believe him, though I didn't really put much thought into it. Since that time, in some of my more thoughtful moments, I looked at different aspects of my life, and that simple statement kept coming back to me. I am very strong in my convictions, and yet I have an open mind. I possess an infinite curiosity and a very … strong… ego. Put these things together and you get quite a combination when it comes to making decisions. There is a very fine line between being firm in what you believe, and being open to new ideas. I always want to be right, and my curiosity leads me to look for the right answer, then I stand by what I feel is correct, while at the same time keeping open that I am going to find an answer later that is more correct. My head spins just writing about it.
With all this back and forth, it really comes down to a judgment call as to when I have the right answer. When I make that judgment, I have evaluated it so much, that I am convinced. Since this decision is made time and time again, it really is me convincing myself, and it certainly can seem like I can convince myself of anything.
Work is a perfect example. Being the boss always puts you into a position where you have to make decisions about people. What do they do well? What do they do poorly? Are they a good fit for this job or project? Is a mistake something you can deal with? Of course as I write this, most of these decisions are made by everyone. Friends, family, co-workers we make decisions on actions every day. What do you forgive, what do you have to change, what does what someone does mean to you? Regardless, when I am making these decisions, in order to stand behind them, I have solid justification in my mind, and one might say, I have convinced myself again.
I use work as my example because this is where I am challenging myself the most to prove or deny this theory. It is dangerous being able to convince yourself of anything, and especially in my professional relationships, it concerns me that this might be the case. So, being who I am, I have mulled over it from many different angles, and come up with an interesting truth. I have two tendencies that work very violently against each other: On one hand, I am blindingly optimistic, and very forgiving, while on the flip side, I am extremely talented at piercing through the heart of a situation (or in this discussion seeing flaws). You can start to imagine how these two traits might come into play with people. Some people who know me say that I put up with far too much. I let people take advantage of me, and I let them “get away with murder.” Others would claim that I am scathing, hammering on every mistake or flaw. Neither one is truly incorrect. I can even look back at individual people. For long periods of time, I am defending them, helping them, believing in them, and the moment that breaks, and I have reached that point where my tolerance is at an end, it almost seems like they are one of the worst people I have ever met.
Drawing this back to the point of the conversation, to an observer, it might seem like I convince myself that someone is one way, and then change my mind and convince myself the opposite. To a point, I suppose this is true, but truly, it is a difference of how I allow myself to perceive a person. I can, at any point in time, see some of the worst flaws in a person. Despite this, my general frame of mind allows me to overlook this, and instead focus on something else I see quite clearly: someone’s potential. Unless some specific event comes into play that changes this frame of mind, I am often willing to overlook a great many things, sometimes to the point of detriment, though not always. People, events, situations, things, pretty much anything in life can (and is) dealt with the same way with me.
I don't really know what this knowledge will mean to my life. I believe that accurately defining how and why you react to things is incredibly important for self development, but that doesn't always mean the path is clear. I doubt I am ever going to lose my perceptiveness, and I think that my desire to see the greatest potential in anyone and anything is something I would never want to lose. Maybe what I need to do is simply learn limits… God, even writing that word, limits, is hard for me. But honestly, I have seen many instances where I have been taken advantage of, and in my life as it is now, that affects not only me, but many others as well. Letting one employee get away with something makes it okay for another, or keeping onto someone who needs to be let go makes people who are good at their job unmotivated to work as hard. This is certainly something I need to be cognizant of. At the same time, I need to remember that it is always easy to be hard on someone, and I can look at several people or situations in my life where I have put my faith behind them, and it has turned out for the better. There are people who would not be who they are today had they not had someone like me to believe in them and stand beside them, and businesses and some events are probably the same way. I suppose since I am unwilling to give up either part of me, I will have to work harder to learn the difference between realistic optimism and blind fantasy. I also need to remind myself that it is better to convince myself based on facts, than to fool myself based on illusions.
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