City Communities

As I was talking to one of my friends, our conversation led us to talk about the different communities we have lived in and what we looked for, etc. One thing that we talked about was the feeling of closeness in communities, and how this varies from place to place. Specifically, we talked about how a small town feels, and he mentioned how big cities lose this feel.

As we talked about this, I realized that this is a common misconception that people, especially in the Midwest, seem to have. I completely disagree with this fact. All cities have some sort of community(ies) within them. It is inherent for people to create this. Contrary to popular belief where I am, really big cities (Boston, NY, DC, LA, etc.) are not the ones that have the biggest problems creating a feeling of community. It is the mid-sized cities (Kansas City is the perfect example) that struggle the most.

Allow me to explain. Small towns are the quintessential examples of strong communities. Everyone knows everyone, and traditionally people help one another, you will walk down the street, say hello, and move about your business, etc. The assumption is that in big cities, this is lost. In actuality, I have felt stronger communities there, than almost anywhere else. The difference I find is that big cities are large collection of communities that people create for themselves. For example, when I was in DC last week, I bumped into people that I hadn't seen in years, and could only see in DC, completely on accident. I mean I was only there a few hours and walked right up to one of my long distance friends. When I walk out from my hotel room, and am walking around town, I would run into the same people at the coffee shop every morning, and even in the short time I was there, the people I would run into would act as though we had known each other all of our lives.

I think what happens is that people form communities mostly because they are close together, and want that feeling. The closer people are to one another, the easier it is to create that connection that we all so innately seek. In small towns, people live close to one another and see each other because it is necessary. When you go to town, you may only have one of each standardized location, and they all form next to one another because it is convenient to do so. In urban centers, there are so many people, they have to create centers of commerce to supply people with what they need. Often times, do to space restrictions, they are small, drawing in the most local residents. Talk to the people in L.A., and they will tell you that they rarely venture out of their little section of the city. West Hollywood, Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, are almost foreign to one another. The same can be said in Boston, with Cambridge, Chinatown, etc. NY with the Village, Uptown, etc. You get the picture.

The problem places like Kansas City have is that they are big enough to have lost the small town feel and need, but they are still spread out, and not big enough to for people to live close to one another, nor is it pedestrian. When you have to drive 15 minutes to get anywhere, and the stores you frequent are Wal-Marts and Price Choppers that are so huge you can lose someone that you are shopping with, chances of you "conversing at the market" are rather slim.

This has gone on a lot longer than I anticipated, but suffice to say that maybe now I have a logical reason for the reason that I feel such community in the big cities I visit or live in, but miss that same feeling when I am back here in Kansas City.

Politics in the Culture War

I have decided that since most people I know on here aren't on Xanga, that I will repost my blog here. 2 warnings. First, if you read my Xanga, this is simply cut and paste, so don't waste your time reading it twice. Secondly, I am not timid in any of my entries, and often times they are random thoughts put forcibly into words, so they will not be what some of you are looking for. I almost never talk about what I did in a day, etc. etc., but instead use this space to flesh out thoughts, dillemas, or philosophies that are stirring in my brain. If that is what you want, then by all means, read away.

Before I actually get to the heart of my entry, let me post today's horoscope, which considering my latest entries and state of mind, is simply unbelievable:

"It's all about setting priorities, and right now the primary one is to decide where you want to live and how you're going to live. Are you treating yourself as well as you deserve? If not, it's time to change all that."

'Nuff said.

So onto what I really want to talk about. I recently read a series of articles in the Atlantic Monthly that my dear friend Christopher sent me. The one I want to talk about is Why the Culture War Is the Wrong War by E.J. Dionne Jr. Without simply disecting the article, let me say that the point is that both sides of the political spectrum fight this war in their own way, almost creating the war that they are fighting, while really they are all fighting against and for the same general things.

The statement I want to talk about was in fact the last one in the article. He said, "The culture war exploits our discontents. The task of politics is to heal them." Wow. What a powerful statement.

Taking that by itself, one can see a vision of politics that is clear and amazing. Working towards healing the discontents of society is I think one of the highest ideals that a public servant can try to strive for. Listening to this, I think that both political fields have different problems that keep them from actually accomplishing this goal. I think that the right extremists are the farthest from this goal, partially because they are the current masters of exploiting the culture war to fight their own battles on the political field. I think that the Democrats are closer to this, because they have made it their "goal" to ferret out the problems of the underprivileged and solving them. I think that they fail primarily for two reasons:1. Though this is one of their principals, they have been unable to actually allow this to define the direction of their policies, and 2. they often fail to admit when they are wrong and instead try and solve problems by throwing more and more money at them (obviously to the discontent of their constituents).

In general, if I were to idealize the political scene, I would like to see Republicans work towards healing society's malcontents within their morality, not using their morality to create more discontent. I would like to see Democrats more willing to examine government's role and whether or not some of the initiatives that they want to pursue wouldn't be better controlled by some other agency, or if there were in fact a way that the government could assist without trying to control.

More to come on this later.

Irony Abounds

After yesterday's entry I was astounded to find these three items in my e-mail inbox when I got back into town:

Horoscope for Monday:
"Some constrained types may say you're addicted to excitement, but you know that you need to take inspiration wherever you may find it. Can you help that you find it in such unusual and stimulating places?"

Horoscope for Sunday:
"Seize any excuse to improve your quality of life, especially if it involves your living space. Having the right place to come home to will do wonders to perking up your spirits. Make your house a magical destination." 

E-mail from a dear friend:

My parents and I saw this building project today in downtown Denver. My fantasy right now is moving back to Denver and buying a home at the Glass House in LoDo. The location is fantastic, the architectural vision is appealing, and the prices are very reasonable with great investment value. Check out this website. Warning: you will be seduced! Maybe it's time for you to relocate. We can be neighbors.
www.glasshousedenver.com

Not only was the place he showed me fantastic, but they even mention this:



Were they talking to me directly???

Ironic indeed.

Value of Location

As I come towards the end of my most recent trip to Washington DC, I marvel at home much I love being here. When I was first on my way here, I wondered if the fact that I spend almost 4% of my year here meant that it would lose its luster and become less of an impressive experience. Looking back, I will admit that some of the awe is gone, but even that is only somewhat diminished, and none of my love for this place, or more importantly the way of living has waned in the least.

Wandering around these streets feels so natural. It is the same sense of rightness that I feel in Chicago or New York, and comes very close to the feeling of home I felt when I lived in Boston. I still wonder whether or not some of what I feel here is based on the fact that I am traveling. No matter where I go, I love to travel, and when I do, I find myself reading more, and reflecting more (if you can imagine that). When I think about it though, I think that I am drawn to this urban, pedestrian style of life more than just because I am traveling. When I was in L.A., a large but fairly un pedestrian place, I was continually drawn to the local cafes, and would drive for 45 minutes to get to a place like West Hollywood, where I could walk around for hours. Even in Kansas City, I find I am happiest when I take an excursion to the Plaza.

It also isn't like this time is just spent idly. I find I get a lot more work done in these environments. When I am stifled, the surest way to bring me out of it is for one of my trips to come up, or at the very least for me to walk around, ending up at the Plaza Starbucks with my laptop hammering away at some new idea, or breaking through something difficult that otherwise eluded me. I can't help but feel that there is nothing novel about this sensation, and I would feel the same about it if I lived it every day of my life.

Which, brings me to my biggest dilemma: why don't I live this?

A lot of people put up with a lot in their life that they don't want to for a variety of reasons. I often try and help people find ways to live the life that they want, and there are many instances where looking at something different makes life much more malleable. I live my life very much with this philosophy, and there are very few instances where I will not do something that feels right in my heart. I will break through any barriers, and create solutions to do what it is in my heart. If anything, getting older has deepened my belief that life is truly malleable and that you should not hold yourself back.

So again, why don't I live this life I seem to love?

I could list off lots of reasons, but even typing this sentence makes me feel that I am doing again what I am so dead-set against. Most reasons are excuses that we use to convince ourselves to settle. Am I settling? On one hand, I do think that KC is a good place for my business to grow, but I am certainly not bound there logistically to run it. More than most I could pick up and move any time, and the operations of my job would barely change. I also enjoy the thought that I could help Kansas City develop, sort of be the big fish in the smaller pond, rather than the ocean of one of my more desirable cities. But honestly, is that a good reason? Especially now, I am not ready to make that impact, and there is really nothing stopping me from making those changes in the future. Family? Only a part of them lives there anyway, though I have to admit it is nice having some of them so close. Again though... seems like too good of an excuse. Various other things, like my work with Boys State and the local HRC and PROMO are important too, but moving would probably mean just reorienting myself to a new place, and pursuing those same causes there.

I feel like I could go back and forth all day, and all that does is lead to indecision. I think that is my greatest fear about this situation. Am I staying in KC because I want to or need to, or because I am being indecisive. Again, I see this all the time, and it infuriates me. I can't stand the thought that I might be playing into it myself.

I don't know that there is an easy answer. Especially now that Jake (my little brother) is living with me, I do have more to consider. At times like these though I wonder if I shouldn't make changes in my life that will make me truly happy.

Convincing, or Fooling?

**DISCLAIMER: This is a realm of thought that has been brewing in my head for some time now, and as such it is a bit long (and as usual, at least the tiniest bit random). 

“You can convince yourself of anything.”

A good friend once said that to me, and at the time I was inclined to believe him, though I didn't really put much thought into it. Since that time, in some of my more thoughtful moments, I looked at different aspects of my life, and that simple statement kept coming back to me. I am very strong in my convictions, and yet I have an open mind. I possess an infinite curiosity and a very … strong… ego. Put these things together and you get quite a combination when it comes to making decisions. There is a very fine line between being firm in what you believe, and being open to new ideas. I always want to be right, and my curiosity leads me to look for the right answer, then I stand by what I feel is correct, while at the same time keeping open that I am going to find an answer later that is more correct. My head spins just writing about it.

With all this back and forth, it really comes down to a judgment call as to when I have the right answer. When I make that judgment, I have evaluated it so much, that I am convinced. Since this decision is made time and time again, it really is me convincing myself, and it certainly can seem like I can convince myself of anything.

Work is a perfect example. Being the boss always puts you into a position where you have to make decisions about people. What do they do well? What do they do poorly? Are they a good fit for this job or project? Is a mistake something you can deal with? Of course as I write this, most of these decisions are made by everyone. Friends, family, co-workers we make decisions on actions every day. What do you forgive, what do you have to change, what does what someone does mean to you? Regardless, when I am making these decisions, in order to stand behind them, I have solid justification in my mind, and one might say, I have convinced myself again.

I use work as my example because this is where I am challenging myself the most to prove or deny this theory. It is dangerous being able to convince yourself of anything, and especially in my professional relationships, it concerns me that this might be the case. So, being who I am, I have mulled over it from many different angles, and come up with an interesting truth. I have two tendencies that work very violently against each other: On one hand, I am blindingly optimistic, and very forgiving, while on the flip side, I am extremely talented at piercing through the heart of a situation (or in this discussion seeing flaws). You can start to imagine how these two traits might come into play with people. Some people who know me say that I put up with far too much. I let people take advantage of me, and I let them “get away with murder.” Others would claim that I am scathing, hammering on every mistake or flaw. Neither one is truly incorrect. I can even look back at individual people. For long periods of time, I am defending them, helping them, believing in them, and the moment that breaks, and I have reached that point where my tolerance is at an end, it almost seems like they are one of the worst people I have ever met.

Drawing this back to the point of the conversation, to an observer, it might seem like I convince myself that someone is one way, and then change my mind and convince myself the opposite. To a point, I suppose this is true, but truly, it is a difference of how I allow myself to perceive a person. I can, at any point in time, see some of the worst flaws in a person. Despite this, my general frame of mind allows me to overlook this, and instead focus on something else I see quite clearly: someone’s potential. Unless some specific event comes into play that changes this frame of mind, I am often willing to overlook a great many things, sometimes to the point of detriment, though not always. People, events, situations, things, pretty much anything in life can (and is) dealt with the same way with me.

I don't really know what this knowledge will mean to my life. I believe that accurately defining how and why you react to things is incredibly important for self development, but that doesn't always mean the path is clear. I doubt I am ever going to lose my perceptiveness, and I think that my desire to see the greatest potential in anyone and anything is something I would never want to lose. Maybe what I need to do is simply learn limits… God, even writing that word, limits, is hard for me. But honestly, I have seen many instances where I have been taken advantage of, and in my life as it is now, that affects not only me, but many others as well. Letting one employee get away with something makes it okay for another, or keeping onto someone who needs to be let go makes people who are good at their job unmotivated to work as hard. This is certainly something I need to be cognizant of. At the same time, I need to remember that it is always easy to be hard on someone, and I can look at several people or situations in my life where I have put my faith behind them, and it has turned out for the better. There are people who would not be who they are today had they not had someone like me to believe in them and stand beside them, and businesses and some events are probably the same way. I suppose since I am unwilling to give up either part of me, I will have to work harder to learn the difference between realistic optimism and blind fantasy. I also need to remind myself that it is better to convince myself based on facts, than to fool myself based on illusions.