New thoughts from unique events

What a week! Normally, I don't use blogs to describe many specific things that happen in my life, but this week was so full of new experiences it is hard to differentiate the events from the thought-provoking philosophies that they bring out in me.

I did two things I had never done before, and like most first times, they made a significant impact on me.

The first was judging for an event that I have been wanting to do and building up to for a long time. HRC in Kansas City has an annual comedy night, and we always bring in great national talent. Last year we added a great local emcee, but I thought if this were a normal show, we would have an opener. Given the amount of talent we have in the city, why not give someone local the chance to shine? The result? This year we held our first ever Comic Call, a competition to find this talented person. As I was in charge of the event, there were some unique struggles, but the big kicker was the fact that I was one of the three judges. To make it more interesting, we did it in an American Idol/Project Runway style where the judges made witty and sometimes scathing remarks. New territory for me for sure.

All in all, the competition went very well, and I think I held my own (particularly hard when grouped with a brilliant drag queen and a spunky journalist). It was interesting to see the reactions though. Some of my HRC friends were surprised I could be so "mean" while others said that I held back far too much. I guess it isn't surprising that I would accomplish both in the same competition. I will say that I have newfound respect for reality TV and live judges. It certainly was a lot harder than I had imagined. That said, I really enjoyed myself. I have always liked to have just some of the spotlight, and something like this allowed me to break out of my mold (as fluid as it may be) and do something I think I would have fun doing more often. Not a bad combination.

Last night held another first: attending a gay wedding. Let me tell you that there is nothing quite so interesting as seeing one of the most traditional events known to man recreated when you are by many definitions, defying tradition. Mixing the tried and true with an entirely new twist provides a lot of potential for amazing creations. Last night's wedding was even more unique because John and Ron may be the most creative people that I have ever met. Somehow they were able to take a Victorian Goth theme, bring together artists, actors, producers, bankers, and lawyers throw them all together and create something that was truly beautiful.

My friend Rae at some point in the evening said to me that she thought it was so beautiful because it was all about love. The ceremony and circumstance that can occasionally stand between the wedding and the reason behind it were completely meshed with exactly why we were all there. Friends and family came together, and both grooms shared their happiness with all of us. In a word, it was extraordinary. I have been to lots of weddings in my life, but none moved me so much as this one. (I can't really compare it to my brother's wedding, seeing as my familial bonds and involvement give it an entirely different feel. I love you Kellie!)

Looking back, it is hard to know where the change started. Ron and John certainly had a hand in it, but I think also that so much of the world still says that what we experienced last night is wrong, and shouldn't be done. Even those who "like" gay people still seem to hold out when it comes to marriage. Maybe when you have to work so hard to prove that you deserve what you want it forces you to make the most of it, when others take it for granted. Many weddings I go to make me feel like an outsider who is looking at people sharing in something that I shouldn't have. Last night, all I felt is that this is exactly what I want in my life and what I will have. The love that my two friends share with each other and with the rest of us is truly one of the most beautiful things on the planet. I think the priest last night may have said it best. "Looking at you, I know God blesses this union." Let those who think otherwise be damned. No matter what you believe in, God, gods, fate, or chance, you can't deny that something so wonderful isn't exactly the way it was intended to be.

New York and Dinner Musings

The first day in New York, and my excitement is barely tempered by my exhaustion. Coming straight from the National Dinner was a bit daunting, but I am very glad that I did. More and more it is so obvious to me how much I need to get out of the Midwest and move to an urban center that I can really enjoy. So far I have only spent time with the friend that I am staying with and nothing truly exciting came onto our agenda, but in some ways this meant more to me than doing anything that I "needed" to do while in town. I look forward to when I can live in a location like this and enjoy some of the simple things whenever I want. The trip to Alice's Tea Cup and dinner at a quaint Italian restaurant without ever having to drive a car made me quite content.

I have decided that bus drivers, especially in some place like New York seriously have one of the most difficult and nerve wracking jobs available. I mean driving in traffic is bad enough as an individual or even as a cab driver, but to be responsible for so many people while driving such a huge vehicle in the insanity that are the NY streets.

I should take a minute to talk about the National Dinner. The weekend itself was great, and I reconnected with a friend and definitely moved our relationship to stronger territory. Any of these events that bring together so many HRC people turns out great. It was so nice to see friends from afar. I was forced to examine how poorly I actually keep in touch with my various friends around the country. Some of us seem like we are really close, but as time and distance separate us, I have not really figured out how to make the most of those relationships.

The dinner itself was certainly motivating. Tim Gunn was hysterical, and Nancy Pelosi and Joe Solmonese both gave great speeches that moved many of us. I know several people that were attending their first dinner and the change in their motivation was noticeable. I did happen to end the evening by pushing my alcohol consumption beyond the limits of anything I have had before, but that is another story. Leaving DC as always brought me to a new level of energy. I am excited about all the work that I have done with HRC and can't wait to continue to make a difference with them as the years go by. More immediately, I am excited to continue to experience another city that I love so much.

Goodbye before Hello

Having spent a great deal of my life traveling all around the country, one thing seems to be fairly consistent no matter the area that I am in: No one wants to meet anyone, at least not socially. Every day we are constantly surrounded by people we don't know, and somehow we keep it that way. Some people tell me that Europeans don't share this problem, but I haven't spent enough time internationally to test this theory. For the USA though, I know it is true.

Don't get me wrong. I know that you can't possibly "meet" everyone that you come into contact with. For one, no one has time for all that, and more importantly perhaps, your brain would explode. As far as the social envelope goes, I seem to push it as far as I can. I meet people all over the place, and even when I am not spending much time with a person, I allow a certain amount of intimacy. By that I mean striking up a 20 second conversation with the cashier at Starbucks, or the person waiting in line beside me. I try and meet new people when I go out, and especially anyone who is a friend of a friend. My thought is "If they like you, there's probably something I can like as well."

The fact of the matter is that I know that I am very odd in this. For one, a lot of people seem confused when I talk to them randomly. Furthermore, watching other people shows me that most people don't really do this all that much. People seem to have built walls around themselves, and I am not really sure why. I understand that some people don't really have a wall, sometimes they just don't feel like expending the energy, but really, often times, what else are you going to do? Take for instance my recent trip to Omaha. I was there with one of my best friends as he tried out for American Idol. Shortly after we arrived, I was conversing with the front desk people, finding out what they liked to do around town, both for my own information, and just to enjoy their company. I know that this is something that doesn't happen very often to them, because for the next 4 days that we were there, they were overly nice to me, and always seemed excited when I came around. The reason? People thrive on human contact. Even the most solid introverts need and on some level crave a certain level of human interaction. Short, curt, wall-encased phrases to get what you need and leave while "technically" an interaction, don't really satiate this need at all. Many people might argue that people in the service industry get too much contact, but truth be told, the often get less than anyone else. Because they are so busy interacting with their customers, they have less opportunity to interact with their co-workers in any meaningful way, and few people seem willing to let down any of their walls with "the help."

I find this to be ridiculous. Now of course there is only so much that you can do and say when you are being waited on by someone, or checking out, but truth be told, even within the limited time constraints that exist, you can make a very quick, short connection. Some of the best memories I have of people are definitely what Fight Club names as "Single Serving Friends." There is certainly nothing wrong with this, and I guarantee that both the customer and the person delivering the service have a better day when some of those barriers don't exist.

Another great example from the trip was the audition itself. For those of you who have never been, they put thousands (no that is not an exaggeration at all) of people into a huge auditorium, many of them sitting around for more than 8 hours until all is said and done. I had so much fun. Being around so many different people, many of them from the far reaches of the country, all with completely different backgrounds, all there for different reasons, despite the single goal of the audition. The thing was though, it was still hard to meet people. Talk to someone and they look at you askance, as if to ask "What manner of creature are you that you actually want to meet people?" Not counting the guys we met while stuck in line, it was like pulling teeth to actually talk to someone. The only meaningful conversation happened to end up being someone I met at the audition for 5 seconds and then bumped into later that night while just hanging out. You would think that with all those people all with nothing else to do, I would have met almost too many people rather than almost none. It really exasperates me.

When you throw yourself into a "social" scene, rather than get better, things actually get worse. Walk into a bar, and no matter what you instantly pile on a hundred qualifiers. The most important being, "Are they hitting on me?" Because of this we instantly have a hundred different pre conceived notions of who and what we want to talk to. Sexuality doesn't matter in the least. Straight bars, gay bars, whatever. No matter who you come into contact with, the thought is the same, and the only way you are really able to break through the barrier is to be exactly what they want at the moment. Going out by yourself is considered a bad thing to do, and frankly, it often isn't any fun. People travel in packs, not juts to enjoy themselves with their friends, but to insulate themselves from actually admitting anyone new. The few lone wolves are normally looking to "meet someone" in the sense of romantically, and with that much pressure, you fall back immediately into the myriad of qualifiers.

Why is it that someone can't go out, and it be thought normal for them to strike up a conversation with random strangers? Why is it that when we are out somewhere, you don't imagine that we can make new friends. No matter where you are, the people around you have at least one thing in common with you: they are doing whatever you are. Standing in line at Starbucks? Chances are you both like coffee. Sitting in a theatre? At least a modicum of similar movie taste. At a bar? If nothing else you are experiencing (for good or ill) the same scene. Given even these simple similarities it seems to be that you should be able to always strike up a conversation. If those simple superficial things happen not to take you any further, so be it. What have you lost? I think that the chance to meet and experience something new always brings its own rewards, and the fact that you could meet someone really amazing is an added bonus. Why oh why then, can't we just be ok when someone says, "Hello?"