Goodbye before Hello

Having spent a great deal of my life traveling all around the country, one thing seems to be fairly consistent no matter the area that I am in: No one wants to meet anyone, at least not socially. Every day we are constantly surrounded by people we don't know, and somehow we keep it that way. Some people tell me that Europeans don't share this problem, but I haven't spent enough time internationally to test this theory. For the USA though, I know it is true.

Don't get me wrong. I know that you can't possibly "meet" everyone that you come into contact with. For one, no one has time for all that, and more importantly perhaps, your brain would explode. As far as the social envelope goes, I seem to push it as far as I can. I meet people all over the place, and even when I am not spending much time with a person, I allow a certain amount of intimacy. By that I mean striking up a 20 second conversation with the cashier at Starbucks, or the person waiting in line beside me. I try and meet new people when I go out, and especially anyone who is a friend of a friend. My thought is "If they like you, there's probably something I can like as well."

The fact of the matter is that I know that I am very odd in this. For one, a lot of people seem confused when I talk to them randomly. Furthermore, watching other people shows me that most people don't really do this all that much. People seem to have built walls around themselves, and I am not really sure why. I understand that some people don't really have a wall, sometimes they just don't feel like expending the energy, but really, often times, what else are you going to do? Take for instance my recent trip to Omaha. I was there with one of my best friends as he tried out for American Idol. Shortly after we arrived, I was conversing with the front desk people, finding out what they liked to do around town, both for my own information, and just to enjoy their company. I know that this is something that doesn't happen very often to them, because for the next 4 days that we were there, they were overly nice to me, and always seemed excited when I came around. The reason? People thrive on human contact. Even the most solid introverts need and on some level crave a certain level of human interaction. Short, curt, wall-encased phrases to get what you need and leave while "technically" an interaction, don't really satiate this need at all. Many people might argue that people in the service industry get too much contact, but truth be told, the often get less than anyone else. Because they are so busy interacting with their customers, they have less opportunity to interact with their co-workers in any meaningful way, and few people seem willing to let down any of their walls with "the help."

I find this to be ridiculous. Now of course there is only so much that you can do and say when you are being waited on by someone, or checking out, but truth be told, even within the limited time constraints that exist, you can make a very quick, short connection. Some of the best memories I have of people are definitely what Fight Club names as "Single Serving Friends." There is certainly nothing wrong with this, and I guarantee that both the customer and the person delivering the service have a better day when some of those barriers don't exist.

Another great example from the trip was the audition itself. For those of you who have never been, they put thousands (no that is not an exaggeration at all) of people into a huge auditorium, many of them sitting around for more than 8 hours until all is said and done. I had so much fun. Being around so many different people, many of them from the far reaches of the country, all with completely different backgrounds, all there for different reasons, despite the single goal of the audition. The thing was though, it was still hard to meet people. Talk to someone and they look at you askance, as if to ask "What manner of creature are you that you actually want to meet people?" Not counting the guys we met while stuck in line, it was like pulling teeth to actually talk to someone. The only meaningful conversation happened to end up being someone I met at the audition for 5 seconds and then bumped into later that night while just hanging out. You would think that with all those people all with nothing else to do, I would have met almost too many people rather than almost none. It really exasperates me.

When you throw yourself into a "social" scene, rather than get better, things actually get worse. Walk into a bar, and no matter what you instantly pile on a hundred qualifiers. The most important being, "Are they hitting on me?" Because of this we instantly have a hundred different pre conceived notions of who and what we want to talk to. Sexuality doesn't matter in the least. Straight bars, gay bars, whatever. No matter who you come into contact with, the thought is the same, and the only way you are really able to break through the barrier is to be exactly what they want at the moment. Going out by yourself is considered a bad thing to do, and frankly, it often isn't any fun. People travel in packs, not juts to enjoy themselves with their friends, but to insulate themselves from actually admitting anyone new. The few lone wolves are normally looking to "meet someone" in the sense of romantically, and with that much pressure, you fall back immediately into the myriad of qualifiers.

Why is it that someone can't go out, and it be thought normal for them to strike up a conversation with random strangers? Why is it that when we are out somewhere, you don't imagine that we can make new friends. No matter where you are, the people around you have at least one thing in common with you: they are doing whatever you are. Standing in line at Starbucks? Chances are you both like coffee. Sitting in a theatre? At least a modicum of similar movie taste. At a bar? If nothing else you are experiencing (for good or ill) the same scene. Given even these simple similarities it seems to be that you should be able to always strike up a conversation. If those simple superficial things happen not to take you any further, so be it. What have you lost? I think that the chance to meet and experience something new always brings its own rewards, and the fact that you could meet someone really amazing is an added bonus. Why oh why then, can't we just be ok when someone says, "Hello?"

The Power of Song

When it comes to music, I am a little bit of a paradox. Were you to ask me how important music is to me, I would say that it is more of an accent than anything. I have always said that people always seem to be either a movie person or a music person, and I have always been the former. I am hard pressed to remember band names, and while they can be enjoyable, concerts are certainly not the first thing that I think of to go enjoy myself. In fact, I am more likely to attribute a particular song to a movie or show than I am to acknowledge it or the artist on their own.

Strangely, there are certain aspects where music is incredibly important to me, and in those arenas, it is nearly vital. The area? Expression. I am not sure that there is anything quite like music when it comes to being able to say exactly what is going on in someone's head or heart. The only comparison that I can see in accurately expressing humanity and our plethora of emotions is poetry, and lets face it, in modern society, music is far more popularly accessible, and therefore a stronger medium with most people.

Even within the realm of expression, I differ from many people when it comes to music. I know many people feel the music itself as an expression. They can attribute songs to an emotion, person, thought based solely on the notes that are included. Some people even control their emotions through this. An ex of mine would listen to angry music to get over anger. It didn't matter what the song was so long as the tone was angry. I completely diverge from this.

For me, the power of songs is totally in the lyrics. This may not be completely surprising considering my love of language and literature, but the truth of the statement is deep indeed. I cannot love a song without being moved by the words. This is not to say that a fun, flippant song can't have good lyrics. If that is the song's goal and its lyrics work towards that end it totally works for me.

As I mentioned, I count on music very rarely, but in the instances I do it is imperative. I think the stronger emotions that are involved in something, the more music comes into play. Powerful emotions like love and anger always seem to find their way into musical expression. This is a great thing. I think that people often need to let out things that their own words cannot do alone. Even someone who is a master of words cannot sometimes express what comes internally. Songs do that in a way that is completely universal. A song can tell us what is inside, and more importantly it can tell it to someone else.

Some of the most moving moments that I have had with friends and lovers is when our situation is expressed in song. In a relationship, I think that sometimes things that can't seem to be effectively communicated can come so much more clearly through a song. A fast way to my heart is to indicate that a song truly says what you feel, and mean it.

Perhaps my love of music in these situations is simply another example of my love of communication between people. When your own words aren't enough find a song that sets the mood and says your words for you. I think that we can never find too many ways to express ourselves, especially with those we care about. Sharing a song with another can be an incredibly intimate and wonderful thing if both parties put thought into what is really there. And who can complain with drawing people closer together?

Telling the Universe You Are Ready

A while back a friend of mine mentioned something that I think is both profound and accurate. He was talking about his business and how he kept saying that he wanted more clients, but that now that he thought about it, he didn't really do anything to tell the universe that was what he really wanted. In his example, he mentioned that he didn't have his workroom setup to actually be the way he wanted to present it to clients. He wasn't saying that people were turning away, but that his presentation didn't really open himself up to the possibility of getting what he wanted.

The universe has a way of giving us things whether we want them or not. People, events, opportunities all float in and out of our lives all the time. It often times seems as though we have no control over this, but following this line of thinking, that isn't entirely true. It certainly has its merits, and more importantly some evidence to back it up. You are far more likely to receive something if you open yourself up to it as much as possible.

You can get philosophical or theological to try and create explanations, but in truth it doesn't matter. Whether you think it is divine intervention, fate, chance, or simply a human ability either to draw things to us, it doesn't really matter. For those truly wanting to be clinical about it, perhaps the phenomenon is nothing other than the more open we are as people to a possibility, the more likely we are to recognize it. Maybe it would have been there regardless, but if you aren't prepped, we will just miss it.

I am not just talking about thinking that you want something. This idea is that you actually take steps to open yourself up to what you want. Taken another way, consider the "If you build it, they will come" idea. Want to find someone to share your bed with, but have a twin? Not so much. Want to travel internationally but still don't have your passport? Not being open. The idea is that whatever you want, you should make yourself as available to it as possible. Don't think that you will do something when you get what you want, do what you will do when you have such things, and then they will be more likely to come to you.

Of the examples I gave, I like playing with the passport one the best. If you have always wanted to leave the country, you certainly don't need your passport until you actually plan a trip. The idea is that by having it you are telling yourself, your sub conscious, and the universe itself that you are serious about what you want, and you are ready to seize it the moment the opportunity comes along. Out of the blue someone could ask you to go to London with them, and that is one less concern you would have.

I think that we should always try and think about what we want in our lives most. I think that the thought does help you recognize opportunities, and it also helps create those chances. Taking that a step further and thinking about ways in which we can "prepare" ourselves for exactly what it is that we are wanting at that time, the more likely we are to obtain what we so fervently desire.