What a Night!

Ok… so lets try this again without accidentally typing over my whole entry and realize there is no edit undo while typing online.

Ahem.

Well, it finally happened. Last night I opened my first show as a Producer, and what a rush! Not only was there an incredible satisfaction in knowing that I had helped bring something to life on stage, but the ride was incredible. The show itself (Zanna, Don't! if you somehow haven't heard) is phenomenal and when you couple that with the talented cast and crew that was assembled, I can't help but be overjoyed. Looking back, there was indeed a lot of stress, and a lot of work (with more to come), but I realize that the stress was energizing and the work felt good. It has been a long time since I have felt that. It was great. I think that's how any job should be. I don't know what that means for me at this moment, but at least I had it. But on with the night!

The show was a success. It went off very well. The glitches are manageable and the audience was pleased. A good performance, that definitely makes me look forward to the rest of the run.

..After the show, the cast and crew assembled at my favorite bar (Bar Natasha if you have somehow missed that tidbit of my life) for our Opening Night Party. Like any event that you have a hand in putting on, it definitely had its stresses, but I had a good time. The cast and crew were having fun, my friends were hysterical, a good combination. Of course you add into the mix shots with Rae, getting closer to a new friend (non sexually thank you very much) from the cast- even if he did catch me on fire with his shot, and watching the girls reenact the swooning in "Beauty School Dropout" sure made for a fun night.

Though it was at the party that the first downer hit. A good friend of mine was hanging out with us after seeing the show, and we realized that it was the last time we would see each other for a while. He was leaving for a job for six months, and though we both knew it was coming, the moment we realized that it was the last we would see one another certainly struck home with me. Over the last half a year, we have gotten pretty close. Having gone through some pretty interesting things together as well as having an abundance of similarities (including the exact same taste in men) has made me feel really close to him. I will miss him, and it was last night that it hit home how much.

..After that, the party was winding down, and several conversations started centering around love. This of course is not entirely surprising considering that the many forms and trials of love are the show's central themes. Such conversations.. have of late left a sour taste in my mouth, and last night was no different. There are those moments where I definitely feel the void of not having someone with me, and they were sure there last night. It didn't help that several of the people that I have, or perhaps would like to make, history with were out, and people were being very… weird.

After that bar closed a lot of us went over to a club that was open later, and there the strange behavior of people went to an all new level. Some people it was almost as though they completely went out of their heads. Aggression and sexual tension seemed high amongst the entire crowd without there seeming to be much reason. Afterwards, in a completely weird mood, I saw more instances of strange behavior, and one of my friends commented that they wondered if the moon was full or something, because people were just being strange. At least I wasn't crazy. Unfortunately, weird behavior in people that you have complicated relationships with and feelings for can make those both far worse, and so it was last night. It wasn't even any specific person, but more a parade of things that I just don't understand.

I finally ended my night by taking Rae home and talking on her porch… until 6am. I could write ten journal entries with what we talked about, so I won't belabor it here, but suffice to say that the starting of the show, changes in both of our lives, and the culmination of all the weird aspects of the night gave us a lot to talk about. As happens often lately, I was glad that she and I have developed the relationship that we have. Such conversations are always great. So with that, I suppose I ended on a high note, but still… What a night!

Oh, the Cursed Tours

Oh the cursed tours.
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life

Imagine a scenario where you will consistently meet people who are by and large talented, intelligent, well traveled, and attractive. Good deal, eh? Of course, there is one small clincher: you will only have a week with them. Can you imagine the conflicts that go through your head?

My favorite bar in town- one where I go even on off nights to hang out with my friends that work there- happens to also be the most likely destination for the cast of a show that is touring in town. Since the bar is the perfect environment to engage people in conversation and get to know new people and I am a fairly social individual, it often seems to happen that I meet and proceed to get to know many people in the cast. Since they don't normally know many people in town, they are eager to hang out with people they meet, and so I normally make fast friends.

The problem comes that since this is their life; they are used to fitting the entirety of a relationship into a short period of time. They have nothing else to do outside the show, so if they make friends, you will normally see a lot of them, and chances are get really close to them, all before they up and leave town.

Even though you go into any of these relationships with this in the back of your mind, sometimes people break through, and to say that this is bittersweet would be the understatement of the year. Remember that these are national touring actors who travel all over. Often times, people I have met on tour have been the most interesting I have met in my life. Is it any wonder it is hard to keep detached?

Note that when I am talking about this, I am mostly pointing at friendships that develop. If an attraction forms, the game is even worse. You simply don't know where to go from there. It doesn't help that theatre in general and especially tours are incredibly hedonistic. Often times it is hard to tell if an attraction is right, or just right now for them. Even if something real exists, what follows is incredibly hard to figure out. A good friend of mine traveled from city to city for a girl he met, seeing her whenever he could. Of course this is an incredible effort that may not pay off, and for that matter may not even be wanted by the other person.

The problem is that on one hand making a big gesture towards love or even friendship can be a great thing. At the same time, determining the worth of that big action is nearly impossible. Gauging whether or not what you do will be well received can certainly drive a man (or woman) insane.

Ultimately, what I say is this: Tours are a recipe for disaster. Though I do have some great friends that I have made over the years from a tour, it is always hard. I cannot think of a worse combination to try and fight through. For the friends that I have, and even the ones that were a bit more, I am grateful, but looking back, it is a wonder that we ever made it where we are. I am all for overcoming odds, but good Lord, this mix is more than anyone should have to deal with.

**Note also that I wrote this while there are no tours in town. I have been dealing with this issue for years, and finally wrote it when I felt it might not implicate any specific person whom I may have fallen head over heels for... and know that they feel the same... *ahem*

MySpace Matters

MySpace Matters
Current mood: artistic
Category: MySpace

I know that given the amount of time it has been since I have written here, I should probably start with something more thought provoking, or at least centered around my life, but tonight, not so much.

I have had conversations with people, one recently in particular that made me want to write this. Now what I am going to say also applies to Facebook, Xanga, etc. Basically, whichever site(s) you use for yourself. Feel free any time I say "MySpace" in this entry to refer to your site of choice. MySpace Matters. Why? Well, by the very fact that you are reading this, indicates that at least on some level, you utilize MySpace. The very fact that one uses these sites makes them incredibly important.

What is important about these sites is not so much that they exist themselves (though I have written and still believe that they add great communcative value to society, but that is a different issue), but rather that when someone uses the site, what it shows becomes valuable, and important.

The way I see it is this, MySpace is your face to the world. Some people hide behind private settings making sure that only those they trust see their face, while others leave everything right out there in the open for all the world to see. Some people put very little on their site, while others write blogs ranging from their daily activities to their philosophies on life. How and what one presents on MySpace is very much a part of who they are and how they want the world to percieve them.

Take another instance of import. One of my friends who has been in a long term relationship, had his "status" as single. I not so gently told him that he was a horrible boyfriend for doing so. My reasoning? That is one of his public faces. It would be very much like him meeting someone and saying that he was single. In my own experience, I remember very clearly when I decided that I wanted one person and any other interests were no longer a factor. To me, one of my ways of making that decision was deciding when it was that I would "announce" if you will that I was no longer single. *Note here that this was in the past, and no longer true.

Friends lists are another hot issue on MySpace. Sometimes there seems to be battles over who is on who's top and who has the most friends. For me, it is something I think about. I look at my life as it is now, and base my top friends over who is most prevalent in my life at that time. For me, I also only include people or organizations that I actually know on my list at all. I know some people are a lot more open than that, while others hate the "Top Friends" completely. There is no right or wrong, but it does say a lot about who you are. Some people think that all their friends are always equal. To me, that will never be the case. Those who are prevalent in my life will hold a significance that others don't. I will feel, and acknowledge stronger connections with some friends than others. That doesn't mean that one is "better" or even that another is no longer a part of my life, just that they aren't as involved at the moment.

I could continue listing examples all morning, but suffice to say, that no matter how much or how little one utilizes these sites, once you are there, it is a part of your image. The effort you put into it, and what you do with it one way or the other says a lot about who you are. I think that people are able to easiliy dismiss something on here because it's "online," when in truth chances are more people are going to see this side of you than any other. Important? I say so.