Oh, the Cursed Tours

Oh the cursed tours.
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life

Imagine a scenario where you will consistently meet people who are by and large talented, intelligent, well traveled, and attractive. Good deal, eh? Of course, there is one small clincher: you will only have a week with them. Can you imagine the conflicts that go through your head?

My favorite bar in town- one where I go even on off nights to hang out with my friends that work there- happens to also be the most likely destination for the cast of a show that is touring in town. Since the bar is the perfect environment to engage people in conversation and get to know new people and I am a fairly social individual, it often seems to happen that I meet and proceed to get to know many people in the cast. Since they don't normally know many people in town, they are eager to hang out with people they meet, and so I normally make fast friends.

The problem comes that since this is their life; they are used to fitting the entirety of a relationship into a short period of time. They have nothing else to do outside the show, so if they make friends, you will normally see a lot of them, and chances are get really close to them, all before they up and leave town.

Even though you go into any of these relationships with this in the back of your mind, sometimes people break through, and to say that this is bittersweet would be the understatement of the year. Remember that these are national touring actors who travel all over. Often times, people I have met on tour have been the most interesting I have met in my life. Is it any wonder it is hard to keep detached?

Note that when I am talking about this, I am mostly pointing at friendships that develop. If an attraction forms, the game is even worse. You simply don't know where to go from there. It doesn't help that theatre in general and especially tours are incredibly hedonistic. Often times it is hard to tell if an attraction is right, or just right now for them. Even if something real exists, what follows is incredibly hard to figure out. A good friend of mine traveled from city to city for a girl he met, seeing her whenever he could. Of course this is an incredible effort that may not pay off, and for that matter may not even be wanted by the other person.

The problem is that on one hand making a big gesture towards love or even friendship can be a great thing. At the same time, determining the worth of that big action is nearly impossible. Gauging whether or not what you do will be well received can certainly drive a man (or woman) insane.

Ultimately, what I say is this: Tours are a recipe for disaster. Though I do have some great friends that I have made over the years from a tour, it is always hard. I cannot think of a worse combination to try and fight through. For the friends that I have, and even the ones that were a bit more, I am grateful, but looking back, it is a wonder that we ever made it where we are. I am all for overcoming odds, but good Lord, this mix is more than anyone should have to deal with.

**Note also that I wrote this while there are no tours in town. I have been dealing with this issue for years, and finally wrote it when I felt it might not implicate any specific person whom I may have fallen head over heels for... and know that they feel the same... *ahem*

MySpace Matters

MySpace Matters
Current mood: artistic
Category: MySpace

I know that given the amount of time it has been since I have written here, I should probably start with something more thought provoking, or at least centered around my life, but tonight, not so much.

I have had conversations with people, one recently in particular that made me want to write this. Now what I am going to say also applies to Facebook, Xanga, etc. Basically, whichever site(s) you use for yourself. Feel free any time I say "MySpace" in this entry to refer to your site of choice. MySpace Matters. Why? Well, by the very fact that you are reading this, indicates that at least on some level, you utilize MySpace. The very fact that one uses these sites makes them incredibly important.

What is important about these sites is not so much that they exist themselves (though I have written and still believe that they add great communcative value to society, but that is a different issue), but rather that when someone uses the site, what it shows becomes valuable, and important.

The way I see it is this, MySpace is your face to the world. Some people hide behind private settings making sure that only those they trust see their face, while others leave everything right out there in the open for all the world to see. Some people put very little on their site, while others write blogs ranging from their daily activities to their philosophies on life. How and what one presents on MySpace is very much a part of who they are and how they want the world to percieve them.

Take another instance of import. One of my friends who has been in a long term relationship, had his "status" as single. I not so gently told him that he was a horrible boyfriend for doing so. My reasoning? That is one of his public faces. It would be very much like him meeting someone and saying that he was single. In my own experience, I remember very clearly when I decided that I wanted one person and any other interests were no longer a factor. To me, one of my ways of making that decision was deciding when it was that I would "announce" if you will that I was no longer single. *Note here that this was in the past, and no longer true.

Friends lists are another hot issue on MySpace. Sometimes there seems to be battles over who is on who's top and who has the most friends. For me, it is something I think about. I look at my life as it is now, and base my top friends over who is most prevalent in my life at that time. For me, I also only include people or organizations that I actually know on my list at all. I know some people are a lot more open than that, while others hate the "Top Friends" completely. There is no right or wrong, but it does say a lot about who you are. Some people think that all their friends are always equal. To me, that will never be the case. Those who are prevalent in my life will hold a significance that others don't. I will feel, and acknowledge stronger connections with some friends than others. That doesn't mean that one is "better" or even that another is no longer a part of my life, just that they aren't as involved at the moment.

I could continue listing examples all morning, but suffice to say, that no matter how much or how little one utilizes these sites, once you are there, it is a part of your image. The effort you put into it, and what you do with it one way or the other says a lot about who you are. I think that people are able to easiliy dismiss something on here because it's "online," when in truth chances are more people are going to see this side of you than any other. Important? I say so.

The Power of the "Hallmark Holiday"

So of course today was Valentine's Day, the day of Love. Most people that I talk to constantly remind me that it is mostly a commercialized day, some even would say more so than Christmas. This may be true on one hand, but at the same time I have always believed that holidays are good things, and that a day to celebrate is nothing bad.

Valentine's Day is unique among holidays however. I do not mean the commercialization of it, but rather it's effect on people. All holidays are given power by the people that celebrate them, or for that matter the people that don't. The people that are vehemently against such days are equally affected by the day as their apathy for it creates its own kind of power. Anyway, with all holidays, they have the ability to amplify just about everything. Frustration in equal part to happiness, you can see it from the stress we create over what to do and who to do it with, etc. Holidays also have one strong fact, they lay bare those that are close to you more effectively than an average day. In many cases this can be good. Strengthening the bonds of relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, or friendship is always a good thing. What makes Valentine's Day unique is that there is no buffer to romantic part of it.

Think about it. Thanksgiving and Christmas are focused on the family, Halloween and Independence Day on your friends, etc. Though you may feel closer to your partner, or acutely aware of their absence, the fact of the matter is, you have other people and other activities to bring you a separate set of joy. Not so with our dedication to St. Valentine. For good or ill, this day is all focused on the person (or people) that you care about romantically. To some it is an affirmation of long term affection, for some it is a chance to take the next step in a relationship, or even a crush ("Be My Valentine" came about for a reason). There is simply no other focus.

The day can be full or pleasant surprises. One of the highlights of my day had nothing to do with me, but all about two good friends of mine strengthening their relationship with each other, one of whom previously held all the hatred for this day that I have previously mentioned. Watching them happily plan their night and exchange gifts was great to see, though, I must admit, pointed out my own solo evening quite a lot.

Valentine's Day has special meaning to me, because of course I am a hopeless romantic. When I am in a relationship my joy is ten-fold, of course when I am not, the awareness is painful indeed. I was taken by the power this day has. Though some family and a few friends sent their well wishes for the day, which simply isn't the point. Being single was a given, but I had hoped that maybe one of the boys on the horizon would take the opportunity to do something nice. Alas, it was not to be. This is not so much a lament, as it is just an observation about how much we can make things mean. Technically today was no different than any other (save some sporadic annoyances with multiple vehicles), yet because I have bought into the idea of what this day means, I felt pain at lacking something that never had to exist.

It is funny how you can be aware of something and do so little about it. I know that the only reason I can be bothered by today is because I let it, and yet at the same time, the values that I have in my life and the things that I want are what drive the feelings towards this day. My romantic nature and longing for that incredible relationship are not created by this day, but simply manifested by the opportunity this day creates. Though I have my reasons to be bummed, I certainly would not change the power of this day, or any other for that matter, for doing so would be saying that the things that were important to me no longer are. Hallmark may have seemed to make this holiday their own, but so long as those feelings towards love and relationships are there, it will always be owned truly by the romantics that feel its great pleasure and pain.