Manditory Mistakes?

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about mistakes lately. Looking back over the quarter+ century I have lived, I can look at many things in my life that I would consider a mistake. Things I wish I had done, but didn’t, people I let go that I shouldn’t, people I held onto for far too long, and of course those decisions that I made that I would probably undo.

Most people who know me, know that I am definitely at a "reset" point in my life. Having given up what I thought would be my career vehicle, moving to a new city and for all intensive purposes "starting from scratch" in nearly every way certainly gives me a place to look back upon what was done. I am not one to linger on regret, but there are those twinging moments you wonder what would things be life "if."

Many people say that you grow from your mistakes, and the best thing you can do when you make a mistake or have a "regret" is to look back and think why you would have done something different so that you can learn from it, and next time take that knowledge to make better decisions. Such a line of thinking if of course both correct and helpful. The question that comes up however, is: Do we have to make mistakes?

Now this question is not asking if we can be perfect. Of course everyone makes mistakes now and then. Instead the question looks at if you can truly know the world, and be a wise person who functions to the best of their abilities if you don’t make mistakes. Especially big ones.

Say for example you are interested in someone whom everyone knows is bad for you. But say you have never had a bad relationship. 6 months down the road are you going to be a "better" or at least more effective and well-rounded person if you ignore the advice of your friends and family?

Often times, it seems we have a built in mechanism that kicks in making us ignore advice, and sometimes even logic when making a new decision. Psychologists have long pointed out that our sub or unconscious mind thinks a lot faster than our conscious mind, and that when it makes it makes a decision, it goes for what is going to be best for us, not necessarily what is least painful. Like looking for relationships that we need to heal rather than the ones we want.

If our unconscious is trying to do this work for us, it makes sense why some of the best parenting advisors suggest teaching and advising, but allowing children (of whatever age) make the big mistakes on their own.

Does this mean the that mistakes are mandatory not only because of our imperfections, but also for our development as people? Should we look back at our mistakes not with a desire to make them different, but only as steps to learning. One wouldn’t consider themselves to have the knowledge from a college education without "spending" the time there. Perhaps our development in other areas must be "purchased" with the time loss or the pain that mistakes so often bring.