So tonight was a good night. Though the day was packed with endless errands and visits to places I would rather shy away from, all that changed as evening hit. We had a HRC event encouraging people in the community to take action and make commitment now. That in itself went very well. It was even better that my amazing boyfriend went with me and for the first time ever, I was able to really introduce someone to that aspect of my life.
After the event, there was a nice drive, and a visit to Adam's work. After which both of us had places to be, but alas, before we parted ways, my mouth got away from me and I think that I said more than I should have. I don't know the repercussions that this conversation will bring, but I dearly hope that it turns out for the best. Times like these I almost want to damn my Sagittarian nature.
The dinner that followed with select members of my HRC family was phenomenal. For the event, we brought in one of the heads of the political side of HRC from the corporate office in DC. Of course we had to take him out for dinner. We headed to Trio, which of course is always a good local, and we talked a lot about the political future of the US as a whole as well as Missouri and Kansas. What I loved the most though, seemed to be happening in the background.
As it would happen, everyone that was there was part of a long lasting partnership. To make it even better, three of the couples were guys! Throughout the night just in the course of conversation, people would mention their partners, or in some case even their kids and the conversation would drift towards their relationship. Of course when you are talking the politics of gay rights, it is incredibly helpful to look at it in your own lives, and as all of the friends I was with are great conversationalists, they would interject their own stories about their relationships.
As I listened to the various trials and more importantly the triumphs of these relationships, I was overjoyed. I mean for the most part I was completely aware of how long these couples had been together, but to hear how close they were and what they did to stay together, I really saw how it can happen. One of them talked about how he paid his partner's way through law school nearly 20 years ago, and now was looking at staying at home and taking care of the house and working solely on philanthropic endeavors. Another talked about how she would travel around the country to be with her partner while she was away on business. The stories went on and on, and though I knew the outline for most of them, to hear them all together, no one at the table besides me outside of that lifelong relationship, I was reminded that for all the failing I see and for all the criticism against it, love really does work.
What was even better about most of these stories is that most of the things that they did for one another weren't sacrifices. So many people go on and on about how the only way to make relationships work is to sacrifice so much. Here were these incredibly successful people, each of whom had found a partner to SHARE their life with. Not to give up their life for, but to share in the joys, and the sorrows. One talked about this party that they didn't go to together for fear of the other being outed at work. He talked about how afterwards they fought violently over meaningless things only to realize that by trying to sacrifice who they were for the others job only made them miserable. The stories that they told were ones where they didn't sacrifice themselves, but just how as the relationship developed they made decisions that made them happier. One was saddened that the other was gone so much. So, she started meeting her on her travels. She got to see her partner more and experience places she never had before. Again and again the choices they made weren't ones of pain and sacrifice, but ones of love and bounty.
This is what I believe love is. This is what I see in the best relationships, and what I seek so desperately for in my own life. Two people who come together and make something beautiful. Two people who share their life, mitigating their pain in each other and expounding every joy to new levels. It is so easy in a society where divorce is so prevalent, and even more in a community where marriage is barred and looked down upon to forget that relationships are incredible. Even amongst ourselves, I see so many friends who go through terrible experiences, people who give up so soon. Even the good stories sometimes look bad. Eight year relationships end, when no one thought they would. The one you meet that changes you so much ends up not staying. These are the things that so often are spoken of in a society that seems to have given up on love. Tonight reminded me that this simply isn't what we need to do.
Love is as powerful as the stories say, and when we stop only looking at the dark side of the world, we can make something with another that is far greater than what we could do on our own. I don't know if where I am now will create this- I certainly hope so- but this night goes beyond what I have now to remind me what is possible and that I should never for settle for any less. No matter what is said, love is real, and living together with someone for the rest of your life is a very real possibility that involves work, yes, but a labor of love, and not pain. One that provides far more than it can ever take away.
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