Stand by Me

This weekend got me thinking a lot about the people that are there for us in our lives. What happens when the people that you count on aren't there? I think that may be one of the hardest thing in any situation. Something major going on in your life, and the thing you need the most is a friend, who isn't there. I certainly know that some things you have to go through on your own, but I would like to think that there are people that can always be counted on. Maybe there is no such thing. I know that I am not always there when people want me, but I would like to think that I am there when the chips are down, and someone I care about needs me to be there. Maybe that is too much optimizing.

I don't really want to belabor the point, I just am greatly frustrated at the moment, and I wonder what it is that I am missing. Many of my closest friends honestly are consistently absent from my life when I need them, whereas others are there for me when I don't expect it, and for the most part aren't really all that close to me. Should it matter? Am I making poor decisions in friends? What about family? Sometimes I think maybe I expect too much. I am probably somewhat unrealistic, but I feel that if a person really wants to, they can make things happen. If my friends or family wanted to be there, I think that they could. I believe that the world is malleable, and I suppose if you don't see it that way it is easy to say "I can't." I try and understand this, but its really hard, especially when I am down.

One person in particular that is phenomenal at standing me up always has good reasons, but they are starting to feel like good excuses. At what point do I stop being understanding, and start reevaluating our relationship? Speaking of relationships, how strong of a relationship can you have, especially beyond friendship, that doesn't have both parties consistently there for one another.

I believe that I can take on the world by myself when I have to, but I don't believe that a man has to walk this world alone. It would be nice to know that I had people in my life that would be there for me, no matter what.

Connections

During and since the holidays I have been thinking a lot about family and the connections between people. Family often creates strong bonds, some of which many people say are virtually unbreakable. For a long time, the connection was were synonymous with blood.  Family names were incredibly important, and even kingdoms were handed down from father to son. As time has passed families have become more complex, many families are not made up of only blood relatives. So what effect does this alteration of families have on their connections?

The underlying question I have is what is it that bonds people together? Family is the reason I began thinking about it, but it extends a lot further than that. When I studied Psychology in Boston, even my professor said that there is a lot if speculation as to what it is that brings people together and perhaps more importantly what keeps them together. He asked which is true: "opposites attract" or "birds of a feather flock together." Interesting question. Is it our similarities that bind us, or our differences? Perhaps something else altogether?

Is blood one of those things? Of course it can make sense. But then again, there certainly are convincing stories about step and adoptive children meaning as much or even more to them as their blood relatives. Then again, when "family" is technically legal contracts, what is there about that that can make connections? Which brings me to one of my points: should relatives have an innate bond? If one of your family members is someone that you would normally not have a relationship with, should you create one because they are related to you? Lets sat that you think you should. Then lets say that you have this relationship. Does it mean that this relationship should be stronger than one you create when there is "nothing" innately there to begin with? Should my brother mean more than my best friend? Sometimes I don't know what I think about the people in my life, and I wonder if I shouldn't have some innate connection with people that I don't while on the other hand have strong connections with people that maybe I shouldn't. How many people have "loved the wrong person?" I don't think that there is any clear answer but I find it interesting and challenging to try to think and reason about affairs of the heart which may have no logical explanation whatsoever.

2005

Alright, so as I have been catching up on my friends' sites, I saw a recurring theme that I enjoyed, and that is a glance back at 2005. Some of my friends did a year recap, but when I tried to think of that, my head almost exploded. It was a busy year!

Before I get to that, a small note on New Year's Eve: One trip to jail to bail out a friend, one near arrest of another friend, one passing on of a dear friend's family member, video games, one bad bartender, two good friends, no kiss.

So off the top of my head here are the highs and lows of 2005:

Lows:
Business frustrations: Daycare, TUPSS
Mark
Losing a close friend and co-worker
Heart being broken
Landmark Education
Living situation

Highs:
Boys State!
Washington DC twice, especially the National Dinner
Brock
Mark
A new nephew
Moving back to KC full time
Business successes: TUPSS, Sieger, new employees, the Holiday Party
Landmark Education
My little brother
Visiting an old friend in New York

Yes, some things this year were highs and lows, but I suppose that's the way life is. I can't wait to see what makes my list this year... especially the second one!