Long Time

It is sometimes amazing how when you perhaps need to put your thoughts to paper most are the very same times that you never seem to bring yourself to have time to do so.

Looking over the past month and a half it feels like a blur. Between campaigns coming to their final boil, and the economy making effectively working almost impossible, life has definitely been rocky. When one feels down on life, there are occasions where you can be surprised at what bothers you the most, and what you miss. My current situation, as well as that in the country at large has certainly led to a lot of philosophical thinking.

Since I started doing project work for MTV, I have really enjoyed the way that life was going. Even when I had occasions to work on a project that was less than exciting, I was still buoyed by the work I was doing and the direction I was building for myself in my life. Unfortunately, working for one of the big companies in this city, means that there are times that the market is felt all too keenly, and so it was that MTV cut back their project outsourcing budgets significantly, and my work-life came to a screeching halt. While I certainly miss both the peace of mind and the spending cash of my consistent job, I found myself unable to do some things that I have certainly taken for granted that surprised me a lot.

For the first time in 7 years, I missed the HRC National Dinner. That was a bigger blow than I expected. Missing something that I considered a staple in my life made me think of how we incorporate things into our lives, barely knowing how important they are to us. When you look objectively, it was a dinner, which had good entertainment, was for a good cause and would have been attended by great people. All of these are good, but frankly, there are other events happening all the time that do the same thing. The fact of the matter is, that on some level, this particular event had carved a place in my life and my heart, and I never even realized it.

Sitting here now, I think that the elections have raised too many issues to include with anything else, and tomorrow, when I am either rejoicing or crying is probably a better time to entertain them.

Another thing that being between projects has brought into sharp focus is the different ways of seeing “doing what is necessary.” I have been having this discussion with many of my friends, and most of us see things differently from one another. Which is the better path? Should one choose to do whatever job you can get to make sure that you are making the money you need to make in the moment? Or, is it better to live with less than you want in order to build towards something else? Is there a point at which you must leave one path to pursue the other? Can they somehow both be followed at the same time?

When trying to build something for yourself and your future, which is the greater sacrifice? Which is the better path? This is something I am sure I will ponder more as time goes on, and the tough choices continue to be put before me.

Living With it All

So, I finally made a return visit to Boston. Having not been there since I left Harvard, it was a trip that was a long time coming. In the years since then, I have sometimes wondered if my love for the city was something that I had allowed to elevate to some mythic plateau. Being the first “big city” that I had ever lived in, I suppose that this was possible. Being back there however, disabused me of that notion completely. I still love it. It is still beautiful. It is still full of warmth and history.

My time there did firm up one nagging suspicion though. I doubt I could live there anytime soon. For all that I love about Boston, it simply doesn’t offer the life that New York does, and I consider that a great travesty. When I came back to NYC, I was saddened by the fact that the city that held more of what I wanted in so many ways, was lacking in so many others.

I find myself wanting a city that has it all. Having traveled all over the country, visiting nearly every major city that we have, I am beginning to think that this isn’t possible. Some people have intimated that Europe and Australia have come much closer, but as I have not experienced these cities, I cannot judge. From my experience, so many things seem mutually exclusive, though for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.

Would making DC have a 24hr train system make the subways dirty and run down like NY?

Would bringing more potent industry (more major corporations) to someplace like Boston damage the fabric of the city?

Does NYC have so many people that it is impossible to make it clean and have some semblance of form and history?

Can a city have an open and lively lifestyle and still maintain warmth?

These are the questions that plague me. I love the wealth of opportunities, the freedom, and vibrancy of New York. At this point in my life, I know that more than anything these things are important to me. But I long for the beauty, and warmth that I find throughout all of Boston and cities like it.

I wonder if I can find that happy combination anywhere.

Profound Pride

Growing up and coming out in the Midwest, Gay Pride to me was a big street festival for gay people. Booths with people hocking wares and supporting causes you might never see elsewhere and a park-like area filled with fun people pretty much summed it up for me. The Parade was an excuse to show off your gay-rights group, pretend to be a politician who cared, or just be… well, gay. These were the only things that seemed to come from Gay Pride.

This year, I learned differently.

This was my first year living in New York, and also my first NYC Gay Pride. I was expecting the mass insanity of the parade crowds, and basically, a much bigger version of all the Prides that I had seen in the Midwest. How wrong I was.

This year, I finally learned what Pride is supposed to be.


In New York, we have an entire week of Pride. During this time, I saw what pride really could be: a celebration of the diversity that gay people bring to a community at home, work, and in the cities we live in.

Walking down Times Square, and seeing the Hard Rock Café change their video board to honor Pride was completely unexpected. Many companies (including MTV, thankfully) had town halls both for their LGBT co-workers and for their company at large concerning gay issues. This effort showed that companies are doing more than what they need to get by. They are showing the value of the people that work for them. I smiled when I saw the shy co-worker wear his rainbow bracelet for the first time, just simply showing that he was comfortable and proud of that part of himself. I got a kick out of "allies" that made a concerted effort to show their support for their friends and family.

All of these examples showed me that we could use this time to celebrate an aspect of our lives in the same way that many cultures and religions do on their holidays. For them, it is more than a specific day on the calendar, it is a time for them to celebrate that part of who they are, and watch as the people around them celebrate it too.

I would never want to give up the parties, parades, or festivals that come with Gay Pride, but knowing now what can truly come out of this time, I would never want another pride without this deeper, more meaningful aspect. It is my hope that as the new additions to our Family come out, that they get the chance to realize what being Proud of who you are is all about. Hopefully, the community around them shows them how Proud they are that they are a part of it too.