To the Strange Triumvirate

No one knows why three people can come to share such similarities, nor how the paths in their lives seem to cross the same obstacles within the same time frame. When advising one, the others feel as though the words are for them. For these three, this song says so much about the strange situations. Are the romantic hearts beating for those who don't beat back? Do the changes in relationships mean the end? Unfortunately we do not know. All we can do is listen and advise and see where life takes us. To the three lovers upon different paths with such similarities. A song that sings to both sides of our struggles. May the loves we seek truly collide.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Proof of Longevity

*Note that there is a brief recap of the night in the beginning. If you want the philosophical stuff, skip to paragraph 4.

So tonight was a good night. Though the day was packed with endless errands and visits to places I would rather shy away from, all that changed as evening hit. We had a HRC event encouraging people in the community to take action and make commitment now. That in itself went very well. It was even better that my amazing boyfriend went with me and for the first time ever, I was able to really introduce someone to that aspect of my life.

After the event, there was a nice drive, and a visit to Adam's work. After which both of us had places to be, but alas, before we parted ways, my mouth got away from me and I think that I said more than I should have. I don't know the repercussions that this conversation will bring, but I dearly hope that it turns out for the best. Times like these I almost want to damn my Sagittarian nature.

The dinner that followed with select members of my HRC family was phenomenal. For the event, we brought in one of the heads of the political side of HRC from the corporate office in DC. Of course we had to take him out for dinner. We headed to Trio, which of course is always a good local, and we talked a lot about the political future of the US as a whole as well as Missouri and Kansas. What I loved the most though, seemed to be happening in the background.

As it would happen, everyone that was there was part of a long lasting partnership. To make it even better, three of the couples were guys! Throughout the night just in the course of conversation, people would mention their partners, or in some case even their kids and the conversation would drift towards their relationship. Of course when you are talking the politics of gay rights, it is incredibly helpful to look at it in your own lives, and as all of the friends I was with are great conversationalists, they would interject their own stories about their relationships.

As I listened to the various trials and more importantly the triumphs of these relationships, I was overjoyed. I mean for the most part I was completely aware of how long these couples had been together, but to hear how close they were and what they did to stay together, I really saw how it can happen. One of them talked about how he paid his partner's way through law school nearly 20 years ago, and now was looking at staying at home and taking care of the house and working solely on philanthropic endeavors. Another talked about how she would travel around the country to be with her partner while she was away on business. The stories went on and on, and though I knew the outline for most of them, to hear them all together, no one at the table besides me outside of that lifelong relationship, I was reminded that for all the failing I see and for all the criticism against it, love really does work.

What was even better about most of these stories is that most of the things that they did for one another weren't sacrifices. So many people go on and on about how the only way to make relationships work is to sacrifice so much. Here were these incredibly successful people, each of whom had found a partner to SHARE their life with. Not to give up their life for, but to share in the joys, and the sorrows. One talked about this party that they didn't go to together for fear of the other being outed at work. He talked about how afterwards they fought violently over meaningless things only to realize that by trying to sacrifice who they were for the others job only made them miserable. The stories that they told were ones where they didn't sacrifice themselves, but just how as the relationship developed they made decisions that made them happier. One was saddened that the other was gone so much. So, she started meeting her on her travels. She got to see her partner more and experience places she never had before. Again and again the choices they made weren't ones of pain and sacrifice, but ones of love and bounty.

This is what I believe love is. This is what I see in the best relationships, and what I seek so desperately for in my own life. Two people who come together and make something beautiful. Two people who share their life, mitigating their pain in each other and expounding every joy to new levels. It is so easy in a society where divorce is so prevalent, and even more in a community where marriage is barred and looked down upon to forget that relationships are incredible. Even amongst ourselves, I see so many friends who go through terrible experiences, people who give up so soon. Even the good stories sometimes look bad. Eight year relationships end, when no one thought they would. The one you meet that changes you so much ends up not staying. These are the things that so often are spoken of in a society that seems to have given up on love. Tonight reminded me that this simply isn't what we need to do.

Love is as powerful as the stories say, and when we stop only looking at the dark side of the world, we can make something with another that is far greater than what we could do on our own. I don't know if where I am now will create this- I certainly hope so- but this night goes beyond what I have now to remind me what is possible and that I should never for settle for any less. No matter what is said, love is real, and living together with someone for the rest of your life is a very real possibility that involves work, yes, but a labor of love, and not pain. One that provides far more than it can ever take away.

How is it Different?

So as most of you know, the show I just got done producing had a lot of gay themes in it. To put it more specifically, the world was opposite of this one, where the norm was gay and straight people were completely marginalized. Of course as the show progresses, there are gay moments, straight moments, and of course being a musical, gay musical moments. ;-)

What bothers me is this. Some of my family saw it. Those who did made the mistake of bringing friends, specifically one or two that were immature jerks who I wanted to kick in the face (I happened to be actually watching that show on a date. Yes, a date.) Apparently their incessant talking that distracted from some of the greatest moments of the show were centered around the fact that they were "weirded out" by some of the "gayer" moments.

Of course then there were all the family that didn't come, not because of prior engagements, but because they said, "Why would we want to see a gay show?" Can something make me want to scream a little more? I mean I play the "eww gross" game about girly parts every once in a while for fun, but seriously, how can something with gay themes bother anyone? And for that matter, what do these close minded people think runs through our minds every time we see… oh, say ANYTHING!

We live in such a heterosexist society that it at times drives me crazy. The fact that after six years of being out to them, many of my family still can't grasp the simple basic premise that being gay is simply loving someone of the same sex. I swear, most of them have no problem with the fact that I would sleep with another guy, but to see two guys existing as a "normal" couple totally weirds them out.

Why is it that something has to be mainstream to be ok? Why is it that nearly anytime I watch a movie or a play, I watch parades of straight romances and because that is more common, I am supposed to be fine with that while a simple gay kiss gets people freaked out?

My mom (who is blessedly not one of the people who gets crazy about it) tries to defend people, especially certain siblings, by saying that they are trying. Pardon my American, but bullshit. Trying is making a concerted effort to understand something. Trying is not going on six years and practically being a distant memory from your brother's life because you don't want to understand. Not looking at something as much as possible and only getting "a little" crazy when you are faced with it is not trying. That is cowardess.

I hate that there is a gay film industry that can only sell their films to gay people. I don't blame them, I blame the society that makes it so. Why is watching Prom Queen only for gay guys, but She's All That is ok for everyone? Even with the most conservative estimates out there (which from personal experience are ridiculously low) nearly everyone knows someone who is gay. So why is it that having a gay character in a movie is so crazy? If you have 10-20 cast members without one being gay, something is seriously awry in your filming diversity. And yet it happens all the time. Even worse, when they include a gay character, it is under the radar. They are never "actually" together with someone. You just get hints that they might be. Come on! And I am not even talking lead roles here. Simply background characters that are allowed to be themselves would be great.

Ugh. I could rant for ever about this. I hate how people allow themselves to be close minded and then try and come up with excuses. "Oh, we just aren't used to that. It's not that it bothers us." Rriigghhtt. You can take your 13 year olds to movies where men practically rape women on screen, but a simple romantic kiss throws your entire existence into spin. That certainly makes sense to me. Suffice to say, I am tired of feeling disconnected from my family and it being my fault for not being patient enough with them, and I am tired of being patient with a world that simply doesn't want to open its eyes to see anything different than what they are. Wake up world! Every day you are surrounded by people not like you. Before you decide how much you want to turn away from them, why don't you wonder what it is that they feel like when they look at you.