Proof of Longevity

*Note that there is a brief recap of the night in the beginning. If you want the philosophical stuff, skip to paragraph 4.

So tonight was a good night. Though the day was packed with endless errands and visits to places I would rather shy away from, all that changed as evening hit. We had a HRC event encouraging people in the community to take action and make commitment now. That in itself went very well. It was even better that my amazing boyfriend went with me and for the first time ever, I was able to really introduce someone to that aspect of my life.

After the event, there was a nice drive, and a visit to Adam's work. After which both of us had places to be, but alas, before we parted ways, my mouth got away from me and I think that I said more than I should have. I don't know the repercussions that this conversation will bring, but I dearly hope that it turns out for the best. Times like these I almost want to damn my Sagittarian nature.

The dinner that followed with select members of my HRC family was phenomenal. For the event, we brought in one of the heads of the political side of HRC from the corporate office in DC. Of course we had to take him out for dinner. We headed to Trio, which of course is always a good local, and we talked a lot about the political future of the US as a whole as well as Missouri and Kansas. What I loved the most though, seemed to be happening in the background.

As it would happen, everyone that was there was part of a long lasting partnership. To make it even better, three of the couples were guys! Throughout the night just in the course of conversation, people would mention their partners, or in some case even their kids and the conversation would drift towards their relationship. Of course when you are talking the politics of gay rights, it is incredibly helpful to look at it in your own lives, and as all of the friends I was with are great conversationalists, they would interject their own stories about their relationships.

As I listened to the various trials and more importantly the triumphs of these relationships, I was overjoyed. I mean for the most part I was completely aware of how long these couples had been together, but to hear how close they were and what they did to stay together, I really saw how it can happen. One of them talked about how he paid his partner's way through law school nearly 20 years ago, and now was looking at staying at home and taking care of the house and working solely on philanthropic endeavors. Another talked about how she would travel around the country to be with her partner while she was away on business. The stories went on and on, and though I knew the outline for most of them, to hear them all together, no one at the table besides me outside of that lifelong relationship, I was reminded that for all the failing I see and for all the criticism against it, love really does work.

What was even better about most of these stories is that most of the things that they did for one another weren't sacrifices. So many people go on and on about how the only way to make relationships work is to sacrifice so much. Here were these incredibly successful people, each of whom had found a partner to SHARE their life with. Not to give up their life for, but to share in the joys, and the sorrows. One talked about this party that they didn't go to together for fear of the other being outed at work. He talked about how afterwards they fought violently over meaningless things only to realize that by trying to sacrifice who they were for the others job only made them miserable. The stories that they told were ones where they didn't sacrifice themselves, but just how as the relationship developed they made decisions that made them happier. One was saddened that the other was gone so much. So, she started meeting her on her travels. She got to see her partner more and experience places she never had before. Again and again the choices they made weren't ones of pain and sacrifice, but ones of love and bounty.

This is what I believe love is. This is what I see in the best relationships, and what I seek so desperately for in my own life. Two people who come together and make something beautiful. Two people who share their life, mitigating their pain in each other and expounding every joy to new levels. It is so easy in a society where divorce is so prevalent, and even more in a community where marriage is barred and looked down upon to forget that relationships are incredible. Even amongst ourselves, I see so many friends who go through terrible experiences, people who give up so soon. Even the good stories sometimes look bad. Eight year relationships end, when no one thought they would. The one you meet that changes you so much ends up not staying. These are the things that so often are spoken of in a society that seems to have given up on love. Tonight reminded me that this simply isn't what we need to do.

Love is as powerful as the stories say, and when we stop only looking at the dark side of the world, we can make something with another that is far greater than what we could do on our own. I don't know if where I am now will create this- I certainly hope so- but this night goes beyond what I have now to remind me what is possible and that I should never for settle for any less. No matter what is said, love is real, and living together with someone for the rest of your life is a very real possibility that involves work, yes, but a labor of love, and not pain. One that provides far more than it can ever take away.

How is it Different?

So as most of you know, the show I just got done producing had a lot of gay themes in it. To put it more specifically, the world was opposite of this one, where the norm was gay and straight people were completely marginalized. Of course as the show progresses, there are gay moments, straight moments, and of course being a musical, gay musical moments. ;-)

What bothers me is this. Some of my family saw it. Those who did made the mistake of bringing friends, specifically one or two that were immature jerks who I wanted to kick in the face (I happened to be actually watching that show on a date. Yes, a date.) Apparently their incessant talking that distracted from some of the greatest moments of the show were centered around the fact that they were "weirded out" by some of the "gayer" moments.

Of course then there were all the family that didn't come, not because of prior engagements, but because they said, "Why would we want to see a gay show?" Can something make me want to scream a little more? I mean I play the "eww gross" game about girly parts every once in a while for fun, but seriously, how can something with gay themes bother anyone? And for that matter, what do these close minded people think runs through our minds every time we see… oh, say ANYTHING!

We live in such a heterosexist society that it at times drives me crazy. The fact that after six years of being out to them, many of my family still can't grasp the simple basic premise that being gay is simply loving someone of the same sex. I swear, most of them have no problem with the fact that I would sleep with another guy, but to see two guys existing as a "normal" couple totally weirds them out.

Why is it that something has to be mainstream to be ok? Why is it that nearly anytime I watch a movie or a play, I watch parades of straight romances and because that is more common, I am supposed to be fine with that while a simple gay kiss gets people freaked out?

My mom (who is blessedly not one of the people who gets crazy about it) tries to defend people, especially certain siblings, by saying that they are trying. Pardon my American, but bullshit. Trying is making a concerted effort to understand something. Trying is not going on six years and practically being a distant memory from your brother's life because you don't want to understand. Not looking at something as much as possible and only getting "a little" crazy when you are faced with it is not trying. That is cowardess.

I hate that there is a gay film industry that can only sell their films to gay people. I don't blame them, I blame the society that makes it so. Why is watching Prom Queen only for gay guys, but She's All That is ok for everyone? Even with the most conservative estimates out there (which from personal experience are ridiculously low) nearly everyone knows someone who is gay. So why is it that having a gay character in a movie is so crazy? If you have 10-20 cast members without one being gay, something is seriously awry in your filming diversity. And yet it happens all the time. Even worse, when they include a gay character, it is under the radar. They are never "actually" together with someone. You just get hints that they might be. Come on! And I am not even talking lead roles here. Simply background characters that are allowed to be themselves would be great.

Ugh. I could rant for ever about this. I hate how people allow themselves to be close minded and then try and come up with excuses. "Oh, we just aren't used to that. It's not that it bothers us." Rriigghhtt. You can take your 13 year olds to movies where men practically rape women on screen, but a simple romantic kiss throws your entire existence into spin. That certainly makes sense to me. Suffice to say, I am tired of feeling disconnected from my family and it being my fault for not being patient enough with them, and I am tired of being patient with a world that simply doesn't want to open its eyes to see anything different than what they are. Wake up world! Every day you are surrounded by people not like you. Before you decide how much you want to turn away from them, why don't you wonder what it is that they feel like when they look at you.

Thoughts on Review

So today was the last performance of Zanna, Don't! and I have to say that it was definitely an adventure. I think the show went really well, and I was incredibly happy to be able to work with all the incredible people that I did during my first time as a producer.

The show ending was of course bittersweet. In some ways I am happy that I will be able to take a break, but honestly I enjoyed the show so much and working with all my friends that I will certainly miss it a lot. Looking at all that happened, I know that this is something I will do again. I certainly learned a lot and am excited to think about what I can accomplish knowing what I do now. I do not know to what extreme that will be, but I do know that I will do more shows. I can easily see myself doing a summer show here every year even after I move away. Of course I could end up going even further. It is hard to tell at this point.

One thing that wasn't so great about my show had nothing to do with the show itself, but rather its importance to those close to me. I know that sometimes things come up in people's lives that remove them from important events of those they care about, but I was really taken aback by the lack of interest that I got from people I care about when it came to seeing this show. This was my first production ever. On my first opening night, a moment that will never come again, I was crushed to know that no one from my family would be there, and few friends either. As the weeks of the show went on, I was never really relieved by a good showing.

It is funny. I marketed this show to perfect strangers who were entranced, and later I saw them in attendance. With only a few exceptions (and I am incredibly thankful for those exceptions) most of the people that I would have thought would run to see something I had helped create, never came. Of course this creation can never be seen again, and so it was really hard to think about.

I don't know why we can so easily dismiss things that are important some times. I am certainly guilty occasionally, but I am still surprised. To me, though I cannot always make it, someone's passion for something really sparks my interest. If it is just an event that means nothing to them, I won't really feel it, but if they care about it, and it is important to them, I am energized by their excitement and want to share that with them. I don't understand how it isn't the same for other people.

Maybe it isn't a matter of people in general as simply how I factor into some people's lives. Maybe this was simply an indicator that at times I think that people are more a part of my life than they really are. I am often chastised by those who know me best for keeping people in my life long after they have proven that they aren't really active participants. Maybe this was just a clear example of that.

I realize that the last few paragraphs have sounded pretty mopey. That isn't really how I feel now. I won't try and kid myself into saying that knowing that many of the people I consider to be a part of my life not seeing my show didn't deeply affect me, but on the flip side, it has really made me value those who did. Add that to the great experience that this show was, and I am really happy at where it is.

Of course, there is one person who in particular makes it rather impossible to be down for too long. The night we saw the show together was incredible, and that alone may be worth any of the frustrations I have with other people in my life. Many very different feelings from the same show, all of them having the potential to significantly impact my life. I wonder where these thoughts and discoveries will take me.