Extroverted Loners?

Not long ago, an observation was made of me that I was a loner. Talking to some of my closest friends about this, they immediately scoffed. In some ways. so did I. I'm a hardcore extrovert. I draw my energy from people. How could I possibly be a loner?

Wikipedia certainly validated my thoughts by describing being a loner as:

A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction or prefers to be alone. There are many reasons for solitude, intentional or otherwise, and "loner" does not imply a specific cause. Intentional reasons include spiritual and religious considerations or personal philosophies. Unintentional reasons involve temperament, being highly sensitive, having more extreme forms of shyness, or various mental disorders, being introverted or prefer quiet over commotion.

This kind of thing doesn't seem to match up with the life of an extrovert in any way. So why was it that I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something to this idea of being an extroverted loner?

The problem lies in the definition, specifically in it only existing as a physical nearness of human interaction. One can be surrounded by people, and even draw their energy from them in an extroverted fashion, while still being alone internally. It is a distinction not in who we're around or the connection we have, but an emotional and mental distinction of separation.

This type of individual might frequently find themselves as a leader. These are people who are surrounded by people, moving them, talking to them, but yet still alone. We've all heard the phrase "It's lonely at the top." The truth is that a leader can listen to and even be moved by everyone around them, but at the end what makes them a leader is their ability to stand alone.

Another example of lone extroversion is surprisingly a solid example of extroversion: the party planner or promoter. They are "in" everything and know everyone, and yet, they must always stand apart. Social? Yes. Extroverted? Of course. A loner? Most definitely.

Some of this tendency for certain types of extroverts to also exist as loners can be their draw towards freedom. I certainly fall into this category. I love people. I need them in my life, and preferably around me. That said, any attempt to control my actions, time or interactions immediately sets me on edge. I constantly get asked who I'm at the bar with. The answer is almost always "myself" even if I have a lot of friends there. The reason is that by separating myself is that I am not tied to their decisions. They want to leave? Great. I want to float around? Great. No harm no foul. I care deeply about everyone I'm around, so I automatically make sure that the situation is such that no one gets frustrated or their feelings hurt.

This instinctive draw some extroverts have towards being alone can also lead to defying other seeming social norms. Loner extroverts don't get tired of people as easily, because they don't lose their "alone time" when around others. For many people this is an anomaly. We can be sitting right next to you and exist in our own world. We do it when we go and work at Starbucks. We want a social area because people enhance our lives and feed our social energy needs. For the extroverted loner, this may actually allow us to increase our focus than when we're alone. We do the same with our friends and spouses as we engage in separate activities while "together." To us, if you're watching the game, and we're reading a book, we are able to enjoy each other's social energy while totally doing our own loner thing. This is completely foreign to anyone who doesn't fall into this category.

The simple fact is that being a loner isn't a bad or a good thing. It's just a way of being. Factored into the rest of your personality, the "way" in which this trait manifests is just as unique as any other aspect about you. Being shy doesn't make you a loner anymore than being personable makes you more emotionally or mentally connected. We should lose the image of the creepy guy all by himself when we think of what a loner is, and instead look at the aspect for what it is, the separation of ones' self from their surroundings, whether by themselves or in a crowd of people.