The Power of the "Hallmark Holiday"

So of course today was Valentine's Day, the day of Love. Most people that I talk to constantly remind me that it is mostly a commercialized day, some even would say more so than Christmas. This may be true on one hand, but at the same time I have always believed that holidays are good things, and that a day to celebrate is nothing bad.

Valentine's Day is unique among holidays however. I do not mean the commercialization of it, but rather it's effect on people. All holidays are given power by the people that celebrate them, or for that matter the people that don't. The people that are vehemently against such days are equally affected by the day as their apathy for it creates its own kind of power. Anyway, with all holidays, they have the ability to amplify just about everything. Frustration in equal part to happiness, you can see it from the stress we create over what to do and who to do it with, etc. Holidays also have one strong fact, they lay bare those that are close to you more effectively than an average day. In many cases this can be good. Strengthening the bonds of relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, or friendship is always a good thing. What makes Valentine's Day unique is that there is no buffer to romantic part of it.

Think about it. Thanksgiving and Christmas are focused on the family, Halloween and Independence Day on your friends, etc. Though you may feel closer to your partner, or acutely aware of their absence, the fact of the matter is, you have other people and other activities to bring you a separate set of joy. Not so with our dedication to St. Valentine. For good or ill, this day is all focused on the person (or people) that you care about romantically. To some it is an affirmation of long term affection, for some it is a chance to take the next step in a relationship, or even a crush ("Be My Valentine" came about for a reason). There is simply no other focus.

The day can be full or pleasant surprises. One of the highlights of my day had nothing to do with me, but all about two good friends of mine strengthening their relationship with each other, one of whom previously held all the hatred for this day that I have previously mentioned. Watching them happily plan their night and exchange gifts was great to see, though, I must admit, pointed out my own solo evening quite a lot.

Valentine's Day has special meaning to me, because of course I am a hopeless romantic. When I am in a relationship my joy is ten-fold, of course when I am not, the awareness is painful indeed. I was taken by the power this day has. Though some family and a few friends sent their well wishes for the day, which simply isn't the point. Being single was a given, but I had hoped that maybe one of the boys on the horizon would take the opportunity to do something nice. Alas, it was not to be. This is not so much a lament, as it is just an observation about how much we can make things mean. Technically today was no different than any other (save some sporadic annoyances with multiple vehicles), yet because I have bought into the idea of what this day means, I felt pain at lacking something that never had to exist.

It is funny how you can be aware of something and do so little about it. I know that the only reason I can be bothered by today is because I let it, and yet at the same time, the values that I have in my life and the things that I want are what drive the feelings towards this day. My romantic nature and longing for that incredible relationship are not created by this day, but simply manifested by the opportunity this day creates. Though I have my reasons to be bummed, I certainly would not change the power of this day, or any other for that matter, for doing so would be saying that the things that were important to me no longer are. Hallmark may have seemed to make this holiday their own, but so long as those feelings towards love and relationships are there, it will always be owned truly by the romantics that feel its great pleasure and pain.

So Many Things, Just One Blog

First, let's start with a movie. Today I saw Notes on a Scandal. One word: BRILLIANT! As is certainly not always the case, I completely agree with all the critics' hype about this movie. Judy Dench and Cate Blanchett were simply phenomenal. I certainly haven't seen a performance to rival there's this year, if anytime in the last several. . The It was fascinating to me because you can't really "like" either of their characters, and yet you find yourself loving, hating, and feeling sorry for them all at the same time. I laughed, and almost cried, which is hard to do in the same moviemusic was great, the dialogue interesting, and the acting superb. Definitely one of my new favorites.

As to other things. Hmmm. Which to pick? The rumor mill is amazing! Let's just start there. So many things the last two weeks have been brought to fruition early, or even fabricated by the rumor mill. I was talking to one of my friends a while back, and I mentioned that all my real relationships are very public. As I do a lot of work in the community, politically, etc., when I am serious about it, the world sees it quite plainly, as I would never be with someone who couldn't share the limelight with me at least in part. The interesting thing about this is that while I am so very public with my serious relationships, I am not so with those in the infant stages. It is easy for someone to create an interest, much more difficult for that interest to become something real. So it is that until I am serious about someone (something that has not happened very often, considering) I am very closed off about what is going on.

Sometimes this is hard to do. People seem to thrive on other people and what is going on in their lives. The last week or so, people have seemingly become so dissatisfied with the things that are going on in their own life, that not only are they focusing on other people, but they are in fact making things up to fill the void when something they want isn't really going on. Two things that I should say. 1. I am not talking only about things centered on me, but also people that I know. 2. Gossip is not a foreign concept to me. I love talking about and getting information about other people as much as the next guy (or girl). Given my curious nature, maybe even more than most. What I don't understand is making things up or jumping to conclusions to fill the void. If someone does something I think is interesting, or don't agree with, I am not going to hold back in telling someone else. On the reverse, I don't find any benefit in saying things about people, or myself that simply aren't true. In my experience the truth always comes out, and on top of that the real facts are normally far more interesting than the fabricated ones, so it stands to make more sense to only listen to and perpetuate the truth. It seems that many people I know disagree.

Oh yes, the last blog. A few days ago I posted a song that I really identify with. My dear friend Aurelie was singing it and it just seemed to ring true in life. I thought it was rather self explanatory, but I got questions about it. Interestingly enough, some people even asked if it was about them. I will say that I chose the song because of it's truth in life, not a specific circumstance, but at the same time, I can use it to describe many people, and chances are if you had to ask about it, at least part of it certainly applies to you.

Really, I think that that song (which if you haven't read the blog is "A Fine Line") applies to one of the most difficult balances in life. Especially as a person who believes that you should always be true to yourself and only remain in circumstances that make you happy be it your job, relationships, etc.; this fine line is a tough one to decipher sometimes. On one hand, "I would do anything for love," but also am unwilling to waste my time when it isn't worth it. One thing is love being a two way street. Of course, sometimes people let things get in the way of the fact that they love someone else, and the other person has to try and fight past that. At some point though, that love is simply a waste of time. When you really care about someone, you have to find the point where it is you fighting for love, and when you are simply wasting your time with something that isn't worth it for you. A fine line indeed. As this seems to be a strong theme in love and life, this will probably not be the last time I hit on this, but I wanted to give a brief clarification.

Something struck me tonight, that I simply didn't want to wait to write about. I was talking to someone about how serious they were with someone else, and there really wasn't much clarification, which means that they aren't serious. I have seen that scenario enough to be saddened that people will actually fill their time with something that they don't see has potential. I understand the "getting to know you" phase, but honestly, if you actually are honest with each other and have any kind of communication that can only last so long.

Anyway, that small segue, while true is not what I was getting at. I was thinking about someone that I was with for a while, and I wanted to go to them and ask them when they were going to realize how good I was. Now that may sound horrible, but I promise, there is a point that isn't all that ego driven. But seriously, I think that I have a lot to offer someone, and throughout my life, I have felt like I am somehow not making that apparent, or maybe my ego has been covering up some serious deficiencies that I have that make people not want to stick around. Tonight, I actually had someone accidentally point out my problem, and I was baffled.

Simply, it is not my weaknesses, but my strengths, that most often drive people away. Now, the person who made me realize this does know me pretty well, and when I looked back at my past, I can see a truth to this. Some things I know about me is that I am smart, passionate, and ambitious. I can think of conversations with exes or potential relationships that never made it that have included some sort of dilemma in dealing with those strengths. "I don't feel smart when I am around you." "You are too passionate. It scares me." Point in fact that one has been used in one form or another many times. "I just feel like you have a plan in life that is too much for me to deal with." Etc, etc, etc. Now for a while I thought that these were kiss off answers to not make me feel bad, but looking back, it may be true, and that is scarier still.

Today, someone who I think is incredible admitted that no matter how much they like me, it is hard for them to get over the fact that they could not be my "mentor in life." What? As I talked to other people, it seems that the average person really wants an inequality in their relationship. They want to be the greater or the lesser. Few want to be the equal (see, this really did have a non-egocentric point). I have always looked for an equal. To me this doesn't mean someone the same as me, but someone who at their core is where I am as a person. I would be perfectly happy with an artist who knew nothing about business, if they shared a passion for their work the same as I share mine. Things like that.

I want someone who I can walk through my life with at my side. I don't want to drag them along with me, and I don't want to be the one drug along either. I want to learn from them, as they learn from me. I want to expand their life to new horizons as they expand mine. I want to protect them, and know that they are protecting me. Friends, family, random people even have made me realize that most people just don't want that. They want to be the protector, or the protected, not both. They want to be the mentor, or the mentee, not both. I simply cannot wrap my head around that. Further, to see that my strengths are going to put someone off because I am either "greater" than them in their eyes, or more likely, their equal when they want someone "lesser" simply baffles me.

I coyly told someone that one day they would realize how amazing I am, and their response left me speechless. "I know how amazing you are, and I love it. I simply can't be with you." While my ego loves the boost, my heart hates it. And honestly, anyone who knows me knows that I boost my ego a lot, and while I like it, to have someone like what is there, but those very things that they like about me to be what keeps us apart? Inconceivable, yet so common.

That may have come across as a diatribe that covered me making myself feel good about or deluding myself, but as I talked tonight and thought about it, it is something that really bothers me. When the things you love about yourself are working against you, how can you ever win?