Family Fun

With the holiday season in full swing, and Thanksgiving having just past, one can't help but think about family. My Thanksgiving, as per usual was broken up a bit. Some time with some people here, some people there, etc. My two big events were my mom's dinner, and the annual International Thanksgiving.

My mom's was nice. Very casual, with my brother and sister (the ones I grew up with) being nice to each other, me, and my mom. It was an interesting occasion. One of my nephews was also there, and since I don't see him all that much, it was nice. The thing that got to me is that the conversation had no depth. I tried asking some questions, but the answers were simple, with no color. The only exception to this was a conversation my mom and I had as I left, which was really good. I wish I hadn't been on my way out, because it was exciting and I would have liked to delve further. As I was sitting there I thought a lot to myself about what it would take to make it so that we could have a good meaningful conversation, which in turn might lead us all to have a more meaningful relationship. At this point I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if being family is enough some times.

On the flip side, International Thanksgiving was great! This year it was a lot smaller, and while I would have liked a few more people, it certainly was nice to get to have great conversation with those there. Kellie, Jack, Jason, Jake, and L.J. also came, so it was part family, part friends. Though, I think the phrase that "friends are the family that you can choose" certainly applied to the dinner. A few old friends, some new good ones, and Cody all made the night complete.

Another thing that I have been thinking about with regards to family sprung from my trip to New Orleans. Meeting Cody's aunt and cousins made a real impact on me. I love kids, and I had a GREAT time with them. It got me to thinking though, that although I do get to see my nephews, I really don't have a relationship with my kid cousins (the ones almost young enough to be like nieces and nephews) and I would really like to. Seeing how attached they are to Cody- and he to them- despite the distance really was great. I am not sure what it is going to take to be an important part of the lives of the kids in my family, but I would certainly like to. Unlike all the adults with their agendas, prejudices, and dark histories, the kids are a clean slate, and they are ones who can see the value of family without letting all the other stuff get in the way. Perhaps the rest of this holiday season will provide me with more ways to make headway with my family near and far, blood and chosen.

Patience, the Villanous Virtue

I freely admit in my life that I have very little patience. I often say, "If it is a virtue, I don't have it." So many times in our lives we are told that patience is something that is good and important. In fact, above perhaps all else, it is that "virtue" that people treasure most with age. Those who lack patience are immature, while those who advance in years tout patience perhaps even more than wisdom. Books, movies, quotes, parents, teachers... all indicate that this is so.

In many ways, this makes sense. Sometimes we need time to think about something before we act on it. When there is something that we desire, we occasionally have to work for it for a long time before it actually can be ours. Many instances on the surface do indeed indicate a good measure of patience is a positive thing in life.

But is there a price? I would venture to say that no other virtue carries the precarious nature of patience. Someone who is willing to be patient and wait for something is commendable, whereas one who waits too long is foolhardy. It would seem to me that a virtue cannot have too much excess, and yet unlike the others, patience seems to be so. In contrast to all else that is truly virtuous, there is a very fine like that we must walk with patience.

Of course such a fine line isn't enough to make a virtue even remotely villainous, but that was just to warm us up. The reason that patience is indeed the singular "villainous virtue" is because I think that more than anything else we hold to be good, patience ruins people's lives. Before I commence, I will admit that it could be our veneration of patience, not the virtue itself, that causes such havoc. Regardless of this fact, when viewed as a virtue, disaster can easily follow.

The reason? Simple. The fact that we hold patience in such high regard, we quite simply put up with things too long. This mindset that if we wait things out that they will improve is plain false. Occasionally, things improve. With equal chance, they get worse. Nothing about us putting up with them makes the difference. Wives put up with their worthless husbands in hopes they will change. People stay in dead-end or miserable jobs hoping something better will come along. Families put off going on the vacation of their dreams until things are "situated." There is this idea that if we are patient, everything will become clear, and the path will make its way for us.

It is for this reason above all others that people don't take action in their lives. This in turn churns our society to a near screeching halt and makes the average man miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. Fooling ourselves into this belief that time heals all and that we don't have to be acting agents in our life is foolhardy at the very least.

I mentioned that there is a time and a place for patience, but like anything that is a double-edged sword, it must be viewed as such. We should learn to use it when necessary, and discard it the rest of the time. Until we do that, this villain will continue to wreak havoc of our own making.

Southern Expedition

Though I have spent time in the "South" before, my most recent excursion was almost completely new, so I thought I would bring some of my thoughts about such geographic locations.

In general the areas in the South seem to be incredibly run-down. Though I know that there are problems with weather and money in some locations, it seems that there is a significant lack of effort that is put forth. Often times a simple coat of paint or a few hours of work would make a dramatic impact to a home or business, and yet this seems to be beyond the scope of the whole area. Mississippi is by far the worst. The only noticeable exception was Jackson, which was actually a neat small city that seemed to have some heart, though I didn't spend a great deal of time there. It is really a shame, because the land in Mississippi was really quite beautiful, and if not marred by unattractive buildings and towns, it could be really nice.

Louisiana was a little better, but again, the same lack of effort was present. The suburbs still had hurricane trash- not debris that was tough to move, but small trash- all over the place. I did like the houses in Mandeville (a New Orleans suburb) a lot though, and the view of Lake Pontchartrain was excellent. I was also impressed with the 28 mile long bridge that crosses the lake to get into New Orleans proper.

The city itself was almost exactly as I expected: a great culture with a great feel, and a lot of grime. The city was so dirty. Such a shame. The city was kind of like a mesh of San Diego and Las Vegas. It was really spread out, but had some great areas. While I wasn't surprised by Bourbon Street (it was exactly as fun/crazy/dirty as I expected) I didn't realize how close it was to the upscale urban center. It is literally around the corner. That was surprising.

I really hope that more people with a heart go in and clean that place up. Though I understand that they dealt with a terrible tragedy that takes time to recover from, there is a lot that could be done easily with a little heart. City Park, which used to be a huge attraction that was simply beautiful, is now run down. They have let the grounds get overgrown and simply haven't put the time into making it a place people want to visit. I hope that changes.

Lastly, Pensacola and the Emerald Coast. BEAUTIFUL. Pretty much, that is all that needs to be said. Pensacola Beach is in undergoing a lot of building, and I am excited to see how it plays out. I was of course very interested in the small business aspects, but I won't bore you with all the details.

In truth, I enjoyed everywhere that I went, but I was extremely disappointed in the effort put forth. I suppose that to each their own and all that, but it makes me appreciate the cities that make attempts to make the best of their situation regardless of money. Maybe what I see as flaws others see as value, but I still think that most of the time people would be happer and have more pride in what they do and where they live if they put a bit more effort into the places they lived and worked.

Beautiful Disasters

In one aspect, there are three types of people. When it comes to what people seek to experience, the first are those that seek mediocrity. The second only see disaster. Finally, there are those that search for miracles. Now I am not talking about what people imagine. Lots of people see miracles everywhere, or see only gloom and doom. Psychology has neatly classified these people already, so I won't waste my time reiterating. I am talking about what people search for in their lives, whether they realize it or not.

While I could spend more time talking about either the people who I consider to lead boring lives or the drama queens, I will instead focus upon the last group, the miracle seekers. These are the people who want the big things in their life, and won't stop till they find it. They want sweeping romance, high adventure, and astounding events to be the cornerstones of their existence. Because of this, they also have to take the biggest risks, and will see some of the greatest disatsers. Some of these will be disquised, to be revealed as beautiful disasters.

A beautiful disaster is something that looks amazing it can take your breath away, no matter what hides behind it. If you seek miracles, you will chase this incredible thing, even if it blows up in your face. There is this period in time where you have to wonder if you put the effort into something it will turn out to be beautiful, or just another disaster. Kelly Clarkson made a song that sums this up quite neatly, aptly titled, "Beautiful Disaster."

The very first time that I heard this song, it struck a chord with me because there were a lot of situations in my life that felt like what she was talking about. Of course at the time I had no idea that they would turn out to be so... well... disasterous, but in retrospect, it was always pretty clear. Sometimes I think that I want something to be so good, that I am willing to take it to the very edge, and sometimes even over it and have it blow up in my face before I will give up on it.

At some point, I started looking for disaster in anything that could be seen as a miracle, and wanted to stop looking for them altogether. I think that I almost made the mistake of avoiding the search completely. After so many times seeking the explosion behind the warmth, there is a chance that we could miss the very things that we have searched for. Listening to the song again, I am reminded that the part that should not be missed is the constant question that asks if something could be beautiful.

Seeking great things can be hard sometimes. The things that provide the greatest reward can sometimes have the greatest pain attached to them, and many times, the pain isn't even worth the imediate reward. What we must always remember is that whether we are hunting or not, miracles can come upon us, and we must not be so injured by our beutiful disasters, that we lose that very thing we want most.

"Beautiful Disaster"
Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as dumb as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

His magical myth
As strong as with I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He's soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Not mine, but good. Bush

Blunt opinion the day before the election. Speak your mind, and VOTE!!! This comes from Bill Maher, and saved me from having to write anything else.

The Democrats' best slogan: "Bush lost the war"

Nov. 5, 2006 | New Rule: Controlling Congress is for closers. Listen up, Democrats, it's as simple as ABC: Always Be Closing. First prize? Controlling congressional committees, with subpoena power. Second prize: set of steak knives. Third prize? You're fired.

The election is four days away, and I'm through dicking around with you. Here are your talking points:

1) When they say, "Democrats will raise taxes," you say, "We have to, because some asshole spent all the money in the world cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing Osama bin Laden." In just six years the national debt has doubled. You can't keep spending money you don't take in, that's not even elementary economics, that's just called "Don't be Michael Jackson."

2) When they say, "The terrorists want the Democrats to win," you say, "Are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's wet dream, and nonpartisan commissions have confirmed that he's a recruiter's dream: theirs, not ours. And, he has exhausted our military without coming away with a win, the worst of both worlds." Bush inflames radical hatred against America and then runs on offering to protect us from it. It's like a guy throwing shit on you and then selling you relief from the flies.

3) When they say, "Cut and Run" or "Defeatocrat," you say, "Bush lost the war -- period." All this nonsense about "the violence is getting worse because they're trying to influence our election." No, it's getting worse because you drew up the postwar plans on the back of a cocktail napkin at Applebee's. And of course Democrats want to win, but that's impossible now that you've ethnically cleansed the place by making it unlivable, just like you did with New Orleans.

4) When they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are "denigrating" the troops, you say, "You're completely full of shit." Remember when Al Gore caught all that flak for sighing and moaning during that debate? Yeah, don't do that. Just say, "You're full of shit."

If I was a troop, the support I would want back home would mainly come in the form of people pressuring Washington to get me out of this pointless nightmare. That's how I would feel supported.

So when they say, "Democrats are obstructionists," you say, "You're welcome." Because with a bad administration that has bad ideas, obstruction is a good thing, just as it's a good thing to obstruct a drunk from getting his car keys. I would be happy to frame the debate as a fight between the Obstructionists and the Enablers. There's your talking point: "Vote Republican, and you vote to enable George Bush to keep ruling as an emperor." A retarded, child emperor, but an emperor.

Democrats, you've got two days to get out there and close. It's not about slogans this time. Although when it comes to slogans, accept no other from your opponent except this one: "The Republican Party: We're Sorry."

Happily Speaking

So I normally don't do this, but I had a good day that I want to talk about, because of the impact it may have on my life and how excited I am about it. I know that it has been a while since I have written something thoughtful, but I will get back to that soon. For now, an indulgence on my personal life.

This last Thursday was a good day for me. Though I do have to admit that pretty much every day for the last three weeks has been enjoyable thanks to a certain someone, Thursday was especially delightful. Why? I got to do something that I haven't been able to do in a long time, and moreover, I may have enabled myself to do more of it in the future.

What was this event, you ask? Public speaking. I got to give a presentation at UMKC, and followed that with being a guest lecturer for a social welfare class at another local college. I loved it! It jas been a long time since I have been able to get in front of people like that outside of Boys State, and I really enjoyed it.

I have thought about trying to get more speaking in. A while back, my cousin who is a high school guidance counselor asked me to do a career day/job fair. I had a good time then, and it reminded me how much I like teaching. I also know that I love public speaking. Of course at the point I am at in my life, I am not willing to become a full-time teacher, and subing really holds no interest for me, as I would only be filling someone else's shoes. Guest lecturing- now that seems perfect. I get a chance to utilize my speaking skills, while at the same time teach. I am also able to bring my unique life experiences to bear in a way that helps people, and provides me with a unique and changing challenge.

Strangely, the same day that I was giving these two lectures/presentations and thinking again about trying to tap into this field, I met someone who accidentally fell into guest lecturing with UMKC and since that time has made that his full time job. He was excited by what I wanted to do and really wanted to connect me with the people that could use me.