It is interesting to me how the darker it is, the more difference that a small amount of light can make. This is obviously true literally, but possibly even more so figuratively. When things are going bad in someone's life, a small change to the better, can seem so much more significant. Especially when that light comes from a person. When I am having a bad day, or even more when I am on a downward spiral with life's frustrations, some people have the power to make all the difference.
As I am sure that you know, I am a pretty buoyant person. Day-to-day, I am pretty much "up." The problem is, that since I also think a great deal, when something goes seriously wrong, if I don't immediately pull myself up, it is really easy to think my way to the abyss of my soul. When looking on a problem that deeply effects me, it normally resembles or even has sources in other areas of my life. When thinking about one too much, it leads me to think of others, and since I am constantly putting problems in the back of my mind, it is almost like karma gets me back by making all of them come up with brutal intensity. Sometimes it overwhelms me for a night, while others it comes and goes for quite a while, despite my intentions to overcome my own thoughts.
It probably goes without saying that most people don't want to be around during these times in my life, and when they are, they certainly want to divert the subject from anything that might be bothering me. I think I have mentioned once before, but there are times when it would be nice for people to actually listen and care, and recently I had one of those nights. This time, for possibly the first time ever, things were different. When I was asked, I realized that I was slightly in disbelief, and although I desperately wanted to talk, I was nervous about talking about bad things. I am not sure exactly why, but it was certainly there.
When he pushed and prodded, I resisted without even knowing why, and yet instead of being happy to be given an easy way out, he worked even harder to get to the bottom of what was bothering me so much. When I finally started talking, it was like a great damn had broken, and my very essence was rushing forth. There was a lot that I still held back, I think because no matter how blindly optimistic I am, it is still hard to trust people, but what I said was met with enthusiasm and interest. He challenged me to look at things differently. He didn't offer false hopes, or even solutions, but he engaged me, showing me that in that moment, we were sharing my problem. It was one of the most amazing feelings that I have ever experienced.
That night didn't really solve my problems, but I felt better nonetheless. In addition to that, I started to look around, and take in the small things that I have always enjoyed even more. The smiles from random people as well as ones that I care about. The contact between one person and another. The joy of trying something new. Small things all, but to me so very valuable. I have always cared about the small things, but for some reason, as bad as things were, they seemed all the more apparent, and all the more important. I hope that I give the people in my life some of the same feelings as I felt when I was in my dark little hole. Whether simply with a smile, or a good ear, I hope that I a make a difference. I know that I have said similar things before, but for one, I feel it is really important, and two, its what was on my mind, so that's what I wrote about. Hope you still enjoyed.
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