Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The OTHER sin of Pride

Given that it's Pride month, many writers have turned their pens towards LGBT issues, and Rev. Patrick Cheng is no exception. In his article, The Spiritual Significance of Pride, he addresses many different issues relating to Gay Pride and it's Spirituality. Being a Christian minister, he of course delves into things that I could care less about, most noticeably the hellish notion of Original Sin. Despite these differences, he makes an incredible point that I had to work with.


One thing that many faiths, but most notably Christians, regard as a high sin is PRIDE. Now if you have read nearly anything I have written or spoken to me for more than 20 minutes, you know that my views on this "sin" are not the same as many. That said, I do think that too much pride- like many things- can be a terrible thing in life. What Cheng mentions is that the LGBT population more often than not suffers from Pride's inverse sin: Self Loathing.
Given the long-standing historical condemnation of pride as the root of all sin in the Christian tradition, how can we understand LGBT pride to be a blessing and not a sin? As an openly-gay theologian, teacher of theology, and ordained minister, I believe that sin is not just limited to pride or inordinate self-love. Rather, sin -- defined as the way in which, despite our best intentions, we inevitably turn our backs on who God has created us to be -- can also take the opposite form of inordinate self-hate or shame, something that many LGBT people experience from a very early age.
Nice point there. Regardless of the religious implications, I believe that anything that makes us hide or turn our backs on who we are is a detriment to ourselves and to society. To think of it as the inverse evil of Pride I believe is perfect. I think that people often feel so good about being humble and self depreciating that they don't realize when they take it to far and make it something terrible in the form of shame or self-hate.


In fact, I would say that shame far more than pride is a serious problem today. Most of the people we see as prideful are exhibiting it in the moment. They may treat people poorly, be over arrogant, etc. While this is bad, I believe that the damage is rarely lasting. Self hate on the other hand has a constant negative effect on yourself and everyone around you. You tear yourself down. You limit your potential, which also means you are bringing less value into the world. You hurt the people around you by closing off, and inflicting unintentional pain both directly, and indirectly when you hurt yourself.


This kind of shame is not exclusively held by the LGBT community, but I would say that in our society, we have a larger portion of our population exhibiting it. No matter the source of your self-hate, I think that a healthy dose of pride and confidence that you truly embrace is mandatory for a successful life. During this month of Pride, we should all take time to be happy for what we have accomplished, and for who we are. Spend some of the great energy we have created to remove some of the shame that we can still carry around with us. The great thing about self-hate, is that like guilt, it is never so heavy that you can't just set it down. Take some of the Pride we are all sharing and do some good for yourself, and maybe even live with less "sin."


If anything I would say that "sin"is anything taken to the point where it excludes all else and/or inflicts pain. For all the publicity that pride gets in that department, I am pleased to see some in the religious community like Rev. Cheng who realize that the original ideas of sin as set down by Christianity are not necessarily the most damaging, nor are the only thing that can take us away from who we are, and if you are a person of faith, take you away from your Creator.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Secrets in the light of day

Suzanne Spaulding- No More Secrets: Then What?

The linked article was written based upon the statement that in the next several years, companies and governments are going to effectively lose the ability to hide information from their competitors. I am not going to pretend to be able to tell you if the CIA Speaker's statement is accurate or not. What he says and the subsequent article do however bring up some interesting thoughts with regards to how we deal with privacy- politically, professionally, and even personally.

Businesses, governments, and people have overal reacted just as Spaulding mentioned when it comes to the internet and privacy. Most pile on more and more security measures and pray that the walls are high enough to keep out prying eyes. The problem with this mentality is that the walls are never truly tall enough. The secrets never safe enough. Partially this is because those who are looking for information have better and better methods of finding information. Partially this is because we open our gates every so often to take advantage of some of the info that is waiting for us outside our fortresses.

With these major disadvantages, in order to keep hidden, we must wage a constant war, never relenting without risk of failure. The idea that Spaulding brings up about adapting to a more transparent world, seems to be far more beneficial, a lot less time consuming, and a lot more freeing.

Knowledge is power. Sharing knowledge is the surest way to gain it. The truth is better than a lie. Three simple statements that basically explain the foundation of my beliefs in this area. I choose not to live in a world cut off from information. I think that the more we have access to the better things are; the more problems we can solve, and the more connected world we can live in. The universities that share information amongst themselves as they work on advancing human knowledge almost always come far ahead of those who only fly solo. The countries that have often hidden their darkest problems have faced the worst horrors when those skeletons break free and overwhelm them.

Much of this was mentioned by Spaulding, and I don't want to rehash her arguments. What she barely touched on however, was how this applies to us as individuals. More and more people are using the internet in "personalized" ways. We can now click "like" on nearly any website, and let our friends know that we think something is worthwhile. The same action also allows the same sites to guess at what else we might be interested in. This "guessing" technology is becoming smarter and smarter every day. Most of us like the advantages of this technology. That's why we use it. Some are concerned about what this means for our privacy. I think the reasons for their fears are obvious, but to all of them I say, "So what?"

Information exists. In today's age more than ever, that information can be duplicated a million times within a second. The idea that we can use some technology and hide from others is simply ludicrous. To take the extreme and hide from all said tools, only keeps us in a stagnant state that I simply abhor. Using these great tools opens us up and lays us bare as never before.

So what can we do? How do we protect ourselves? Should we micromanage our internet settings? Get bigger firewalls? Boycott sites with weak privacy policies? No. In a phrase, Get over it. Rather than try and run from the information that we have begun to have out there, we should embrace it. Doing so would indeed require a shift in the way we think. It would require us to be less scared on one end and more accepting on others.

Don't think that I am ignoring risks when I say this. We do need to make sure that we protect ourselves where we can. We need to make sure that our identities can't be stolen, and that people can't take what is rightfully ours. The way to do this, like everything else, is not to hide deeper and deeper, but rather to pay attention to what is ours and to make sure that we are cognizant enough to see a problem before it gets too big to handle.

If you become more aware so you can protect yourself, you can step out into a more open and informative world. See more of the people around you, and share more of yourselves with them.

Am I saying that you shouldn't care if your boss sees a picture of you drinking like a madman last Friday night? Yep. Frankly, you weren't concerned about your privacy when you dumped pitchers of beer over your head out in a public bar. Why the worry later?

I think that Americans more than most societies love to hide things, and then pretend that we don't. We don't want to seem Puritanical, and yet we are scared to talk to our kids about sex. What happens with that brilliant plan? Kids end up having sex anyway, normally in a less safe way than if they had just been accustomed to it as an idea. The same is seen in countries that are open about drinking, sexuality, etc. We hide and hide and hide, and then wonder why it suddenly blows up in our face. Humans are meant to be open creatures. We are meant to relate to one another and to share with one another. The people with the biggest problems in life are often those that have those issues because they hid something far smaller.

If we can learn as a society to be more open, we force ourselves to be more accepting as well. If you can see my skeletons, how can I judge yours? Yes, the internet can show us at our worst. Often it does. The thing to realize is that it can also show us at our best. The more we hide, the easier it is for the scary things to make a big splash when they leak out. By being open, we can see that the scary parts of our life are really a small part of the whole, and when related to the world, far more manageable than they seem while hiding in a dark corner.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Precursor to Marriage

I may just be the best thing to happen to gay marriage since Ellen. While this would normally be an exciting accolade for an activist such as myself, I am bestowed this honor, not for my work politically, but my effect on those I date.

I recently bumped into someone I was dating, and who I always saw great potential in. The big news? He's getting married... to the guy after me. While this I am sure has happened to a great many of us, I have a nearly flawless track record in this arena. The only person whom I have dated that didn't end up in either a marriage or some really close proximity thereof, was the one who hates marriage with all the fiery passion of his soul.

A few prime examples:

  • First boyfriend ever: Been with his current guy for almost 9 years. Live together. Basically married.
  • Longest relationship ever: Been with the guy after me for 5 years. Live together. Do major events together. 
  • Only guy I ever asked to live with me: Was married for several years, though now getting a divorce.
  • Guy I fell stupidly head over heels for and was the only one besides Jason I could see with forever: Married and owns a joint business.
There are more. It seems even a brief inclination of dating can often lead to some sort of long term commitment or matrimony for the guy that follows after. Why is that? Strangely enough, some of these guys were insistent that they never wanted something that permanent, only to go on and have it fall right into their next relationship.

One of my friends actually used to joke with me about this, though he was semi serious, and has a point. It is so clear what I want in my life and the life I envision for me and who will ultimately be my partner in life. Seeing that I live this so fully and openly in my life, it is near impossible for people to even be friends with me without glimpsing it. It is possible that having seen such a possibility, that they then go and seek it when they move on. This idea is kinda of warm feeling, though if they get such a great image of it, it would be nice for them to... I don't know... imagine ME in it.

Someone else I asked about this said that I am sort of a trial by fire for people. When someone is done with me, they are rarely the same. Sort of in a "Wicked"esque "Changed for good" thing, they aren't changing for me or for the relationship, but no matter what happens, they are changed for good, and the next person to come along sees that and embraces it wholly. Another fairly nice thought.

Of course it is entirely possible that after me, ANYONE less intense has got to feel like Heaven. Oyi. Lastly I suppose that it could be coincidence, but given how little I see that happening, I am sure that there is some cosmic or psychological links that I can continue to ponder. Either way, there's my vent and pondering. Hopefully this time I am with someone who's already ready for their guy, and that guy can be ME!