Living With it All

So, I finally made a return visit to Boston. Having not been there since I left Harvard, it was a trip that was a long time coming. In the years since then, I have sometimes wondered if my love for the city was something that I had allowed to elevate to some mythic plateau. Being the first “big city” that I had ever lived in, I suppose that this was possible. Being back there however, disabused me of that notion completely. I still love it. It is still beautiful. It is still full of warmth and history.

My time there did firm up one nagging suspicion though. I doubt I could live there anytime soon. For all that I love about Boston, it simply doesn’t offer the life that New York does, and I consider that a great travesty. When I came back to NYC, I was saddened by the fact that the city that held more of what I wanted in so many ways, was lacking in so many others.

I find myself wanting a city that has it all. Having traveled all over the country, visiting nearly every major city that we have, I am beginning to think that this isn’t possible. Some people have intimated that Europe and Australia have come much closer, but as I have not experienced these cities, I cannot judge. From my experience, so many things seem mutually exclusive, though for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.

Would making DC have a 24hr train system make the subways dirty and run down like NY?

Would bringing more potent industry (more major corporations) to someplace like Boston damage the fabric of the city?

Does NYC have so many people that it is impossible to make it clean and have some semblance of form and history?

Can a city have an open and lively lifestyle and still maintain warmth?

These are the questions that plague me. I love the wealth of opportunities, the freedom, and vibrancy of New York. At this point in my life, I know that more than anything these things are important to me. But I long for the beauty, and warmth that I find throughout all of Boston and cities like it.

I wonder if I can find that happy combination anywhere.

Profound Pride

Growing up and coming out in the Midwest, Gay Pride to me was a big street festival for gay people. Booths with people hocking wares and supporting causes you might never see elsewhere and a park-like area filled with fun people pretty much summed it up for me. The Parade was an excuse to show off your gay-rights group, pretend to be a politician who cared, or just be… well, gay. These were the only things that seemed to come from Gay Pride.

This year, I learned differently.

This was my first year living in New York, and also my first NYC Gay Pride. I was expecting the mass insanity of the parade crowds, and basically, a much bigger version of all the Prides that I had seen in the Midwest. How wrong I was.

This year, I finally learned what Pride is supposed to be.


In New York, we have an entire week of Pride. During this time, I saw what pride really could be: a celebration of the diversity that gay people bring to a community at home, work, and in the cities we live in.

Walking down Times Square, and seeing the Hard Rock Café change their video board to honor Pride was completely unexpected. Many companies (including MTV, thankfully) had town halls both for their LGBT co-workers and for their company at large concerning gay issues. This effort showed that companies are doing more than what they need to get by. They are showing the value of the people that work for them. I smiled when I saw the shy co-worker wear his rainbow bracelet for the first time, just simply showing that he was comfortable and proud of that part of himself. I got a kick out of "allies" that made a concerted effort to show their support for their friends and family.

All of these examples showed me that we could use this time to celebrate an aspect of our lives in the same way that many cultures and religions do on their holidays. For them, it is more than a specific day on the calendar, it is a time for them to celebrate that part of who they are, and watch as the people around them celebrate it too.

I would never want to give up the parties, parades, or festivals that come with Gay Pride, but knowing now what can truly come out of this time, I would never want another pride without this deeper, more meaningful aspect. It is my hope that as the new additions to our Family come out, that they get the chance to realize what being Proud of who you are is all about. Hopefully, the community around them shows them how Proud they are that they are a part of it too.

Realize

Colbie Caillat recently put out a great song that speaks a lot to what I recently wrote about, though in a much more beautiful and artistic way.

The whole song speaks greatly to two very important themes: How one person can only so much, and how easily you can miss out on something great.

The whole song is saying basically that if the man she is in love with realized the same thing about her, they could have the perfect life together, but if they don’t realize it together it can never happen.
She says “Didn’t I tell you? But I can’t spell it out for you.” Then later, “No it's never the same if you don't feel it too. If you would meet me half way, it could be the same for you.”

One person can do all that they can, but in the end, the other person has to be willing to take that leap too. The video does a great job of showing how even when two people are on the same page, if they don’t share that with each other, they can miss out on each other.

So many things in our lives come and go, but the people are the one thing that can make the most difference, and should be held onto whenever possible. Losing people, seeing them as disposable, or just plain not taking chances with them truly makes it so life has a hard time giving us that ultimate happiness.

I hope that when you are given the chance, that you make sure you “Realize.”

Realize
V1: Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can’t spell it out for you

C: If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

V2: Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

C: If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

V3: It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

C: If you just realize what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realize what I just realized

If you just realize what I just realized

OoOoOOo

missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now

Realize, realize
realize, realize