How is it Different?

So as most of you know, the show I just got done producing had a lot of gay themes in it. To put it more specifically, the world was opposite of this one, where the norm was gay and straight people were completely marginalized. Of course as the show progresses, there are gay moments, straight moments, and of course being a musical, gay musical moments. ;-)

What bothers me is this. Some of my family saw it. Those who did made the mistake of bringing friends, specifically one or two that were immature jerks who I wanted to kick in the face (I happened to be actually watching that show on a date. Yes, a date.) Apparently their incessant talking that distracted from some of the greatest moments of the show were centered around the fact that they were "weirded out" by some of the "gayer" moments.

Of course then there were all the family that didn't come, not because of prior engagements, but because they said, "Why would we want to see a gay show?" Can something make me want to scream a little more? I mean I play the "eww gross" game about girly parts every once in a while for fun, but seriously, how can something with gay themes bother anyone? And for that matter, what do these close minded people think runs through our minds every time we see… oh, say ANYTHING!

We live in such a heterosexist society that it at times drives me crazy. The fact that after six years of being out to them, many of my family still can't grasp the simple basic premise that being gay is simply loving someone of the same sex. I swear, most of them have no problem with the fact that I would sleep with another guy, but to see two guys existing as a "normal" couple totally weirds them out.

Why is it that something has to be mainstream to be ok? Why is it that nearly anytime I watch a movie or a play, I watch parades of straight romances and because that is more common, I am supposed to be fine with that while a simple gay kiss gets people freaked out?

My mom (who is blessedly not one of the people who gets crazy about it) tries to defend people, especially certain siblings, by saying that they are trying. Pardon my American, but bullshit. Trying is making a concerted effort to understand something. Trying is not going on six years and practically being a distant memory from your brother's life because you don't want to understand. Not looking at something as much as possible and only getting "a little" crazy when you are faced with it is not trying. That is cowardess.

I hate that there is a gay film industry that can only sell their films to gay people. I don't blame them, I blame the society that makes it so. Why is watching Prom Queen only for gay guys, but She's All That is ok for everyone? Even with the most conservative estimates out there (which from personal experience are ridiculously low) nearly everyone knows someone who is gay. So why is it that having a gay character in a movie is so crazy? If you have 10-20 cast members without one being gay, something is seriously awry in your filming diversity. And yet it happens all the time. Even worse, when they include a gay character, it is under the radar. They are never "actually" together with someone. You just get hints that they might be. Come on! And I am not even talking lead roles here. Simply background characters that are allowed to be themselves would be great.

Ugh. I could rant for ever about this. I hate how people allow themselves to be close minded and then try and come up with excuses. "Oh, we just aren't used to that. It's not that it bothers us." Rriigghhtt. You can take your 13 year olds to movies where men practically rape women on screen, but a simple romantic kiss throws your entire existence into spin. That certainly makes sense to me. Suffice to say, I am tired of feeling disconnected from my family and it being my fault for not being patient enough with them, and I am tired of being patient with a world that simply doesn't want to open its eyes to see anything different than what they are. Wake up world! Every day you are surrounded by people not like you. Before you decide how much you want to turn away from them, why don't you wonder what it is that they feel like when they look at you.

Thoughts on Review

So today was the last performance of Zanna, Don't! and I have to say that it was definitely an adventure. I think the show went really well, and I was incredibly happy to be able to work with all the incredible people that I did during my first time as a producer.

The show ending was of course bittersweet. In some ways I am happy that I will be able to take a break, but honestly I enjoyed the show so much and working with all my friends that I will certainly miss it a lot. Looking at all that happened, I know that this is something I will do again. I certainly learned a lot and am excited to think about what I can accomplish knowing what I do now. I do not know to what extreme that will be, but I do know that I will do more shows. I can easily see myself doing a summer show here every year even after I move away. Of course I could end up going even further. It is hard to tell at this point.

One thing that wasn't so great about my show had nothing to do with the show itself, but rather its importance to those close to me. I know that sometimes things come up in people's lives that remove them from important events of those they care about, but I was really taken aback by the lack of interest that I got from people I care about when it came to seeing this show. This was my first production ever. On my first opening night, a moment that will never come again, I was crushed to know that no one from my family would be there, and few friends either. As the weeks of the show went on, I was never really relieved by a good showing.

It is funny. I marketed this show to perfect strangers who were entranced, and later I saw them in attendance. With only a few exceptions (and I am incredibly thankful for those exceptions) most of the people that I would have thought would run to see something I had helped create, never came. Of course this creation can never be seen again, and so it was really hard to think about.

I don't know why we can so easily dismiss things that are important some times. I am certainly guilty occasionally, but I am still surprised. To me, though I cannot always make it, someone's passion for something really sparks my interest. If it is just an event that means nothing to them, I won't really feel it, but if they care about it, and it is important to them, I am energized by their excitement and want to share that with them. I don't understand how it isn't the same for other people.

Maybe it isn't a matter of people in general as simply how I factor into some people's lives. Maybe this was simply an indicator that at times I think that people are more a part of my life than they really are. I am often chastised by those who know me best for keeping people in my life long after they have proven that they aren't really active participants. Maybe this was just a clear example of that.

I realize that the last few paragraphs have sounded pretty mopey. That isn't really how I feel now. I won't try and kid myself into saying that knowing that many of the people I consider to be a part of my life not seeing my show didn't deeply affect me, but on the flip side, it has really made me value those who did. Add that to the great experience that this show was, and I am really happy at where it is.

Of course, there is one person who in particular makes it rather impossible to be down for too long. The night we saw the show together was incredible, and that alone may be worth any of the frustrations I have with other people in my life. Many very different feelings from the same show, all of them having the potential to significantly impact my life. I wonder where these thoughts and discoveries will take me.

One Door Closes, but Another Opens?

Hmmm. Hellen Keller may have had it there. Lately a lot of doors seem to be closing. Many aspects of my life are coming to an end, or being forcibly removed. On that note, I got my car back. Basically, there is just enough damage to make me angry, but not enough for insurance to cover, and every last thing that was in there of mine is now gone. Every hour I think of something else that is gone. Tons of clothes, equipment, paperwork and sentimental things are lost forever. On one hand maybe the lesson is not to get too attached to material things, but still. And I am a sentimental guy. Some of the things I lost have no value to anyone else, but to me they are important. Everything from my pad folio that I have used since Harvard to my Director's Script for Zanna, Don't with all my notes. Things of no meaning to anyone else, but lost to me, the one who cares.

Other aspects of my life are in the air too, but I am not ready to talk about them. Interestingly enough some things may be opening up too. Tonight at a fundraiser they had Tarot Card readers, and whether or not you believe in that, it was interesting. Rae and Justin and I (who had a month ago made a pact to move to NY in a year and a half) all got that a big move and major change was coming down the road. Lots of other interesting things were said. My friends had a field day as the things that came up representing me were intense passion and emotional decision making, a strong sense of business, and a search for my soul mate. If you know me, no doubt you are enjoying yourself now too. Who knows what the future holds.

On other fronts? Well, I am a producer of a musical. Who wouldn't use the songs in there? Oh dear. This could be interesting.

MIKE:
Well I was walkin? down the hall, just beginning my day,
When I see this guy, and he's comin' my way.
My heart starts thumping and my hands start to sweat
This is the closest thing to heaven that I'm ever gonna get.
I sit in class dreaming with a smile on my face.
The teacher calls on me but I'm still floatin' in space.
And she hands me back my quiz and I see all the things I missed
And she asks what the explanation is. I say
Well it looks like love, and it sounds like love,
And it seems like love, and it feels like love;
And it walks like love, and it talks like love,
And it runs like love, and it skips like love;
And it hurts like love, disappoints like love,
Disappears like love, reappears like love.
And it shouts like love and it sings like love
So guess what, my friend, I think?
I think I got love.

STEVE: You think you got love?
MIKE: Yeah, I think I got love.
STEVE: Yeah, you think you got love?
MIKE: Yeah, it might be love.
STEVE: You think it could be love.
MIKE: I think it could be love.
STEVE: Man, I hope it's love, 'cuz at the game

I looked up at the crowd and thought I saw this guy
who was lookin' at me, though I could not imagine why.
My head started spinning, and it just kept gettin' worse,
and so right after the game, I headed straight down to the nurse.
She said,'You don't have a fever, you don't have the flu;
I don't think you're pregnant, so I don't have a clue.
But then she checked my heart it was purring like a cat
She smiled at me and said, I think I know what causes that.
She said, 'It looks like love, and it sounds like love,
and it seems like love, and it feels like love;
and it walks like love, and it talks like love,
and it runs like love, and it skips like love;
and it hurts like love, disappoints like love,
disappears like love, reappears like love.
And it shouts like love and it sings like love
So guess what, my friend, she said?
I think you got love.

MIKE: She thought you got love?
STEVE: She said it could be love.
MIKE: The nurse thought it was love?
STEVE: Yeah, I just came from her a minute ago and she said it was love.
MIKE: You think it could be love?
STEVE: I think it could be love.
MIKE: Man, I hope you got love...
I knew the first moment I saw you.
STEVE: Really? I didn't know for sure until you started singing a few minutes ago.
Up until then, I don't think I knew what love was.
MIKE: You mean you never...
STEVE: No, never. You know, being on the football team is not like being on the chess team
we're not the sex symbols
that you guys are.
MIKE: Oh...well...we're really not sex symbols...
STEVE:
Oh, yeah, right.
I never thought that someone like you would...go for someone like me.
MIKE: Ditto.

M/S:
Well it looks like love, and it sounds like love,
And it seems like love, and it feels like love;
And it walks like love, and it talks like love,
And it runs like love, and it skips like love;
And it hurts like love, disappoints like love,
Disappears like love, reappears like love.
And it shouts like love and it sings like love
So guess what, my friend, I think?
I think we got lo-oo-oo-ve.
I think we got lo-oo-oo-ve.
I think we got love.