Traps of Life

Traps of Life
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life

The other night I saw Little Children with a couple of my friends. It was a good movie, and Kate Winslet was amazing!

I should stop here to say that the philosophical issues that I am going to bring up pertain to the ending. As such, if you do not want to know how the movie ends, stop reading and go about your merry business. If you don't care, then by all means, carry one.

***SPOILER*** LAST CALL

Beyond the incredible acting, I was impressed by the solid content of the struggles that people face in their lives. Extreme cases like the guy with the psychosexual disorder were coupled with couples' jealousies. This impressed me. I was of course taken in immediately with the primary issue that they were addressing, that of unhappiness in life and relationships. When Kate's character gave her input on Madame Bovarie (that she was heroic for fighting against the fate given to her and the unhappiness that it brought) I was excited that they were making fighting against that struggle the noble thing to do.

Though throughout the movie, you really couldn't say that the acts that they were committing were honorable, you really felt for the characters as they cheated on their spouses with one another. They were living miserably in their marriages, and even before there was sex, there was happiness in the relationship that they were building with each other.

The culmination of my happiness came when they decided to leave together. I think that they were finally going to be honest about their feelings and leave their misery behind was exactly what needed to happen. In fact, their crime never would have been committed if they had indeed simply been honest with their spouses to begin with. To finally be honest, quit the cheating and lying, and embrace happiness all at the same time was exactly what they should have done.

Then of course, came the end. Somehow they completely did a 180 and marched straight back into their old lives. Kate seemed to do it as a sacrifice for his daughter, where her love (Patrick Wilson) seemed to do it out of fear. Both scenarios are horrible to me. I know that this is an independent film and that for the most part, any form of predictable, happy ending is thrown out, but this scenario completely validates what so many people do with their lives.

Fear, and some bizarre sense of necessary sacrifice seem to be the most prevalent causes of continued misery in the human existence. Life will never be "perfect," but the amount of hell that people put themselves through by "just dealing with it" is simply appalling. I think that if people were more honest with themselves from the beginning, less bad relationships would exist. Then, if somehow a bad relationship is created, if people weren't foolish enough to give into this fear or compulsion, it wouldn't go as far as it normally does. The first would probably reduce the number of divorces, for people wouldn't end up in as many bad marriages, and the second would make it so that the common wisdom wasn't that marriage will ultimately make you unhappy.

The best relationships that I have ever seen are the ones where people are honest, and deal with the problems that exist. They aren't willing to sacrifice themselves, or give into fear. At what point in our existence did we decide that these things were ok?

Though the movie as a whole was incredible, and in large part the writing was phenomenal, I have to say that I am disappointed in both Todd Field and Tom Perrotta for having their ending give into this already exasperated human condition.

Year Ends, Year Begins

Year ends, year begins
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

In honor of the very first day of the new year, I thought that I would put down some recap of last year, and some hopeful thoughts for 2007. Last night was a great time, spent- like my birthday- at Bar Natasha. There was a great crowd, and more importantly so many of my friends work there. Mix in an incredible show with some of the best singers in town, and it was just a great time all around. It really was important that I had a good time with my birthday and New Years. I really enjoy the holidays, but a lot of times then end up being a little bit of a let-down. Sometimes, like last year's New Year's, was a catastrophe. This year I really tried to make these days where there was no pressure on anyone, and more importantly that I wasn't relying on anyone else or what they wanted. It seems to make sense- though while it took me so long to figure it out, I will never know- that if you want to guarantee that you are going to get what you want, you should do what you want. Another benefit of this is that if for some reason things fall flat, you have only yourself to blame, but also have the ability to make the changes that will make you happy. Last night for example, I think that there were about 12 parties going on that people I like wanted me to go to. I was tempted to go to places I didn't necessarily want to just for loyalty to them, and then realized that when it comes to these occasions I do that far too often. Everyone should be where they want to be on the holidays, and everyone should realize that there are so many things going on that you can never be in all places at once. Looking out over the year, I spent different holidays with different people, and for the most part had a good time at each one, especially towards the end of the year. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves and each other that we forget how great a holiday can be. This year really woke me up to what I was missing. My two best days were when I was single, and some of my closest friends weren't there. It goes to show that sometimes we can't pin our happiness completely on others.

A friend posted this, and I think that it was fun, so I recreated it for myself.

2006 Awards:

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
Randy. Hahaha! Ok not really. Ben and Aurelie win this one.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD - LONGEST FRIEND(S)?
Brian and Emily

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - NEWEST FRIEND?
Shelby & Cody

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
It was a pretty rocky year. December probably contained some of the lowest points, but also some really good ones.

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
This year, 4^th of July

6) ANTHEM FOR 2006?
Scissor Sisters - Don't Feel Like Dancing

7)ANY REGRETS?
Yes- mostly wasted time.

8) BEST NIGHT OUT?
My birthday.

9) WORST NIGHT OUT?
Midnight New Year's Day (2006)

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH?
No one.

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
Ha! While it lasted? Cody.

12) WORST RELATIONSHIP?
Rocky… insofar as it wasn't a relationship.

13) FIRST JOB OF THE YEAR?
Making money

14) LAST JOB OF THE YEAR?
Making money

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Hiring Randy.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
Renew the energy I put into myself and my business to make the changes that I so desperately want to see.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Ha! My stupid ideas can never be blamed on liquor.

18) D0UCHE BAG OF THE YEAR?
Uhm… I think they know who they are.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(S)?
Randy, Chris, and Christopher

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Buying my house.

To close it out, I mentioned in the awards that I have plans to put renewed energy into myself and my business. One thing that I have realized lately, is that I have always been a person who thinks that you can make your life infinitely better no matter what is going on if you care, and you put effort into it. One of my friends lived in a trailer, and he hated that fact. When you went to his house though, you saw one of the nicest gardens in town, and when you went inside, there were hundreds of different things that he had done to make his place more of a home. He had next to no money, and a bad situation, but because of the effort he put into it and the care that he had, it made a huge difference.

I realized that for some reason, I have not been that person lately. I can point to a lot of different things that have happened personally and professionally that have brought be down. I may have even hit the low point of my life this year. All of this is true, but at the same time somehow I largely forgot the power that I have over my own life. I still did not let my situation completely bring be down, but I simply lost the energy to live my life the way that I had. Anyone who really knows me would call me charismatic and energetic, probably before anything else. I realized that with all that I was letting get to me, I was losing more of those traits than I realized. The changes I made in my life to improve it were good, but not enough. Though I may still have energy and charisma about me, it is not what it once was, and certainly not anywhere near the potential that I have.

I know, better than a lot of people, how malleable the world is. This year, it is my singular goal to bring my considerable efforts back into my own life. This goes from where I live, to my business, and to my self. I don't know all the changes that are going to take place, but a significant shift in my mind has taken place, and I have remembered the valuable lesson that I had somehow forgotten. This year is a year of possibilities for me, and I am excited to embark upon this unknown journey and see where it takes me and what I look like at the end of it.

Carpe Diem indeed.

Holiday Hope

I sit here on Christmas Day during a small lull in the holiday excitement, and I am really happy. There are a lot of frustrating and disappointing things going on in my life, and on the whole it has been rather depressing. At this moment, however, though none of the problems are gone, there seems to be a lightness brought upon me. I am sure that some of it is the holidays themselves, but on top of that some people in my life have made a difference. Truth be told, a lot of them probably have no idea what they have done, and in fact many actions were so small that most wouldn't notice them. For whatever reason, with people I notice the smallest things, and they can often make a huge difference. It is such a thing now.

I think that the biggest thing that happens is that the holidays make people put down their fears and frustrations and just be. When that happens, I find that people do things unconsciously that can make people very happy. Whether it was my brother learning a new game from me, an estranged relationship having a casual conversation, a good friend from far away striking up a long and enjoyable conversation, or words of love spread around so freely, they all make a difference.

My birthday was also a week ago, and mixing that in with the holidays has aided in making a difference. I had a party at my favorite bar, and friends from many of the various aspects of my life all came together with even some of my family to create a great night. I enjoyed old friends, strengthened some budding relationships, and even made some new friends. Mix that with holiday cheer and it can certainly make for a good feeling.

I will say that this holiday was far from perfect, or even close to being great in comparison to some of the others. It was something good though. It was a reaffirmation in hope. Buying presents for friends and family, hearing people unconsciously singing in the streets, receiving words of love from those in your life. Somehow all of these things come together, and if you are willing to let them make something great happen, no matter what the circumstances. It doesn't matter if you are alone when you want to be with someone. It doesn't matter if your family is 4 hours late to Christmas dinner. It doesn't matter if you don't get the gift you were so hoping for. The holidays can still bring hope. I say not that these things are not saddening or difficult, or even that you won't have a bad day, but if you let what is going on around you as a whole grab onto you it can be a great thing.

It is funny that so many people feel slightly estranged from other religions at the holidays, because they all celebrate so differently. Personally, though my family doesn't quite agree, I like celebrating most of the holidays, religious or not during this season. What I find most amusing is that they all are based on hope. Whether they were created by the hope brought on by a continuously burning lamp, or the birth of a promised king, or the simple promise that winter's trials will be met with spring bounty, all these holidays bring people together in hope. No matter where your life is, you can gain that from the holidays. Things may not change that moment, but the hope can give you strength to face the challenges you have, and that is an amazing thing.