So today was the last performance of Zanna, Don't! and I have to say that it was definitely an adventure. I think the show went really well, and I was incredibly happy to be able to work with all the incredible people that I did during my first time as a producer.
The show ending was of course bittersweet. In some ways I am happy that I will be able to take a break, but honestly I enjoyed the show so much and working with all my friends that I will certainly miss it a lot. Looking at all that happened, I know that this is something I will do again. I certainly learned a lot and am excited to think about what I can accomplish knowing what I do now. I do not know to what extreme that will be, but I do know that I will do more shows. I can easily see myself doing a summer show here every year even after I move away. Of course I could end up going even further. It is hard to tell at this point.
One thing that wasn't so great about my show had nothing to do with the show itself, but rather its importance to those close to me. I know that sometimes things come up in people's lives that remove them from important events of those they care about, but I was really taken aback by the lack of interest that I got from people I care about when it came to seeing this show. This was my first production ever. On my first opening night, a moment that will never come again, I was crushed to know that no one from my family would be there, and few friends either. As the weeks of the show went on, I was never really relieved by a good showing.
It is funny. I marketed this show to perfect strangers who were entranced, and later I saw them in attendance. With only a few exceptions (and I am incredibly thankful for those exceptions) most of the people that I would have thought would run to see something I had helped create, never came. Of course this creation can never be seen again, and so it was really hard to think about.
I don't know why we can so easily dismiss things that are important some times. I am certainly guilty occasionally, but I am still surprised. To me, though I cannot always make it, someone's passion for something really sparks my interest. If it is just an event that means nothing to them, I won't really feel it, but if they care about it, and it is important to them, I am energized by their excitement and want to share that with them. I don't understand how it isn't the same for other people.
Maybe it isn't a matter of people in general as simply how I factor into some people's lives. Maybe this was simply an indicator that at times I think that people are more a part of my life than they really are. I am often chastised by those who know me best for keeping people in my life long after they have proven that they aren't really active participants. Maybe this was just a clear example of that.
I realize that the last few paragraphs have sounded pretty mopey. That isn't really how I feel now. I won't try and kid myself into saying that knowing that many of the people I consider to be a part of my life not seeing my show didn't deeply affect me, but on the flip side, it has really made me value those who did. Add that to the great experience that this show was, and I am really happy at where it is.
Of course, there is one person who in particular makes it rather impossible to be down for too long. The night we saw the show together was incredible, and that alone may be worth any of the frustrations I have with other people in my life. Many very different feelings from the same show, all of them having the potential to significantly impact my life. I wonder where these thoughts and discoveries will take me.
