The OTHER sin of Pride

Given that it's Pride month, many writers have turned their pens towards LGBT issues, and Rev. Patrick Cheng is no exception. In his article, The Spiritual Significance of Pride, he addresses many different issues relating to Gay Pride and it's Spirituality. Being a Christian minister, he of course delves into things that I could care less about, most noticeably the hellish notion of Original Sin. Despite these differences, he makes an incredible point that I had to work with.


One thing that many faiths, but most notably Christians, regard as a high sin is PRIDE. Now if you have read nearly anything I have written or spoken to me for more than 20 minutes, you know that my views on this "sin" are not the same as many. That said, I do think that too much pride- like many things- can be a terrible thing in life. What Cheng mentions is that the LGBT population more often than not suffers from Pride's inverse sin: Self Loathing.

Given the long-standing historical condemnation of pride as the root of all sin in the Christian tradition, how can we understand LGBT pride to be a blessing and not a sin? As an openly-gay theologian, teacher of theology, and ordained minister, I believe that sin is not just limited to pride or inordinate self-love. Rather, sin -- defined as the way in which, despite our best intentions, we inevitably turn our backs on who God has created us to be -- can also take the opposite form of inordinate self-hate or shame, something that many LGBT people experience from a very early age.

Nice point there. Regardless of the religious implications, I believe that anything that makes us hide or turn our backs on who we are is a detriment to ourselves and to society. To think of it as the inverse evil of Pride I believe is perfect. I think that people often feel so good about being humble and self depreciating that they don't realize when they take it to far and make it something terrible in the form of shame or self-hate.


In fact, I would say that shame far more than pride is a serious problem today. Most of the people we see as prideful are exhibiting it in the moment. They may treat people poorly, be over arrogant, etc. While this is bad, I believe that the damage is rarely lasting. Self hate on the other hand has a constant negative effect on yourself and everyone around you. You tear yourself down. You limit your potential, which also means you are bringing less value into the world. You hurt the people around you by closing off, and inflicting unintentional pain both directly, and indirectly when you hurt yourself.


This kind of shame is not exclusively held by the LGBT community, but I would say that in our society, we have a larger portion of our population exhibiting it. No matter the source of your self-hate, I think that a healthy dose of pride and confidence that you truly embrace is mandatory for a successful life. During this month of Pride, we should all take time to be happy for what we have accomplished, and for who we are. Spend some of the great energy we have created to remove some of the shame that we can still carry around with us. The great thing about self-hate, is that like guilt, it is never so heavy that you can't just set it down. Take some of the Pride we are all sharing and do some good for yourself, and maybe even live with less "sin."


If anything I would say that "sin"is anything taken to the point where it excludes all else and/or inflicts pain. For all the publicity that pride gets in that department, I am pleased to see some in the religious community like Rev. Cheng who realize that the original ideas of sin as set down by Christianity are not necessarily the most damaging, nor are the only thing that can take us away from who we are, and if you are a person of faith, take you away from your Creator.

Secrets in the light of day

Suzanne Spaulding- No More Secrets: Then What?

The linked article was written based upon the statement that in the next several years, companies and governments are going to effectively lose the ability to hide information from their competitors. I am not going to pretend to be able to tell you if the CIA Speaker's statement is accurate or not. What he says and the subsequent article do however bring up some interesting thoughts with regards to how we deal with privacy- politically, professionally, and even personally.

Businesses, governments, and people have overal reacted just as Spaulding mentioned when it comes to the internet and privacy. Most pile on more and more security measures and pray that the walls are high enough to keep out prying eyes. The problem with this mentality is that the walls are never truly tall enough. The secrets never safe enough. Partially this is because those who are looking for information have better and better methods of finding information. Partially this is because we open our gates every so often to take advantage of some of the info that is waiting for us outside our fortresses.

With these major disadvantages, in order to keep hidden, we must wage a constant war, never relenting without risk of failure. The idea that Spaulding brings up about adapting to a more transparent world, seems to be far more beneficial, a lot less time consuming, and a lot more freeing.

Knowledge is power. Sharing knowledge is the surest way to gain it. The truth is better than a lie. Three simple statements that basically explain the foundation of my beliefs in this area. I choose not to live in a world cut off from information. I think that the more we have access to the better things are; the more problems we can solve, and the more connected world we can live in. The universities that share information amongst themselves as they work on advancing human knowledge almost always come far ahead of those who only fly solo. The countries that have often hidden their darkest problems have faced the worst horrors when those skeletons break free and overwhelm them.

Much of this was mentioned by Spaulding, and I don't want to rehash her arguments. What she barely touched on however, was how this applies to us as individuals. More and more people are using the internet in "personalized" ways. We can now click "like" on nearly any website, and let our friends know that we think something is worthwhile. The same action also allows the same sites to guess at what else we might be interested in. This "guessing" technology is becoming smarter and smarter every day. Most of us like the advantages of this technology. That's why we use it. Some are concerned about what this means for our privacy. I think the reasons for their fears are obvious, but to all of them I say, "So what?"

Information exists. In today's age more than ever, that information can be duplicated a million times within a second. The idea that we can use some technology and hide from others is simply ludicrous. To take the extreme and hide from all said tools, only keeps us in a stagnant state that I simply abhor. Using these great tools opens us up and lays us bare as never before.

So what can we do? How do we protect ourselves? Should we micromanage our internet settings? Get bigger firewalls? Boycott sites with weak privacy policies? No. In a phrase, Get over it. Rather than try and run from the information that we have begun to have out there, we should embrace it. Doing so would indeed require a shift in the way we think. It would require us to be less scared on one end and more accepting on others.

Don't think that I am ignoring risks when I say this. We do need to make sure that we protect ourselves where we can. We need to make sure that our identities can't be stolen, and that people can't take what is rightfully ours. The way to do this, like everything else, is not to hide deeper and deeper, but rather to pay attention to what is ours and to make sure that we are cognizant enough to see a problem before it gets too big to handle.

If you become more aware so you can protect yourself, you can step out into a more open and informative world. See more of the people around you, and share more of yourselves with them.

Am I saying that you shouldn't care if your boss sees a picture of you drinking like a madman last Friday night? Yep. Frankly, you weren't concerned about your privacy when you dumped pitchers of beer over your head out in a public bar. Why the worry later?

I think that Americans more than most societies love to hide things, and then pretend that we don't. We don't want to seem Puritanical, and yet we are scared to talk to our kids about sex. What happens with that brilliant plan? Kids end up having sex anyway, normally in a less safe way than if they had just been accustomed to it as an idea. The same is seen in countries that are open about drinking, sexuality, etc. We hide and hide and hide, and then wonder why it suddenly blows up in our face. Humans are meant to be open creatures. We are meant to relate to one another and to share with one another. The people with the biggest problems in life are often those that have those issues because they hid something far smaller.

If we can learn as a society to be more open, we force ourselves to be more accepting as well. If you can see my skeletons, how can I judge yours? Yes, the internet can show us at our worst. Often it does. The thing to realize is that it can also show us at our best. The more we hide, the easier it is for the scary things to make a big splash when they leak out. By being open, we can see that the scary parts of our life are really a small part of the whole, and when related to the world, far more manageable than they seem while hiding in a dark corner.

Precursor to Marriage

I may just be the best thing to happen to gay marriage since Ellen. While this would normally be an exciting accolade for an activist such as myself, I am bestowed this honor, not for my work politically, but my effect on those I date.

I recently bumped into someone I was dating, and who I always saw great potential in. The big news? He's getting married... to the guy after me. While this I am sure has happened to a great many of us, I have a nearly flawless track record in this arena. The only person whom I have dated that didn't end up in either a marriage or some really close proximity thereof, was the one who hates marriage with all the fiery passion of his soul.

A few prime examples:

• First boyfriend ever: Been with his current guy for almost 9 years. Live together. Basically married.
• Longest relationship ever: Been with the guy after me for 5 years. Live together. Do major events together. 
• Only guy I ever asked to live with me: Was married for several years, though now getting a divorce.
• Guy I fell stupidly head over heels for and was the only one besides Jason I could see with forever: Married and owns a joint business.

There are more. It seems even a brief inclination of dating can often lead to some sort of long term commitment or matrimony for the guy that follows after. Why is that? Strangely enough, some of these guys were insistent that they never wanted something that permanent, only to go on and have it fall right into their next relationship.

One of my friends actually used to joke with me about this, though he was semi serious, and has a point. It is so clear what I want in my life and the life I envision for me and who will ultimately be my partner in life. Seeing that I live this so fully and openly in my life, it is near impossible for people to even be friends with me without glimpsing it. It is possible that having seen such a possibility, that they then go and seek it when they move on. This idea is kinda of warm feeling, though if they get such a great image of it, it would be nice for them to... I don't know... imagine ME in it.

Someone else I asked about this said that I am sort of a trial by fire for people. When someone is done with me, they are rarely the same. Sort of in a "Wicked"esque "Changed for good" thing, they aren't changing for me or for the relationship, but no matter what happens, they are changed for good, and the next person to come along sees that and embraces it wholly. Another fairly nice thought.

Of course it is entirely possible that after me, ANYONE less intense has got to feel like Heaven. Oyi. Lastly I suppose that it could be coincidence, but given how little I see that happening, I am sure that there is some cosmic or psychological links that I can continue to ponder. Either way, there's my vent and pondering. Hopefully this time I am with someone who's already ready for their guy, and that guy can be ME!

Catastrophic teachable moments

Robert Kuttner: BP and the Bankers

I haven't been a reader of Kuttner in the past, but I have to say that this article is brilliant in its honestly and accuracy. He clearly has his solid liberal bent, and his disappointment is less of railing against the establishment (as is all too common these days regardless of party) but more of a sigh for seeing such a great opportunity pass us by.

I think that his best point may actually be one of the most underscored. There is a teachable moment here. I agree that the President isn't taking all the opportunity from it, but then again, I think few actually are. If I were to sum up the single largest problem with politics today, it wouldn't be who's in power, mistakes that people make, or even the money that is being slung around. It's the swarm of information without education. If anyone in our world today has done more to correct this mistake than Al Gore, I can't name them, and yet few are willing to follow his footsteps.

We live in an age of information. You can watch the news on more devices than ever before, and in a matter of minutes be inundated with more than you could ever have wanted to know. Depending on what you're watching or reading, you probably can instantly link yourself to more and more information. If you go long enough, you are bound to read two things that are categorically in conflict with one another. Sometimes it is a matter of a lie vs truth. More often it is a matter of coloring. Yes, Global Warming is happening. To say it's not is a lie. Of course, if the dissenter is smart, they won't feed you lies. They will feed you more information. "The Earth goes through climate shifts and warming happens. Always has. Always will," or "We aren't the only factors at play with Global Warming." Both true statements. Those statements could lead people to think that we really have no major crisis. This of course is the problem. 

Everything is so polarized now that even information can't teach us. If he says this and she says that, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. The problem with this view of the world is that it's rarely accurate. Sometimes the Dems have the right information. Sometimes the Repubs do. Often neither has a good plan to deal with it, but we can never get to that point because we can never agree on the truth of an actual problem.

BP is clearly at fault in many ways for what happened in the Gulf. Unfortunately, the true fault can be laid at everyone who drives a ridiculous vehicle for their needs, the lobbyists who work for big oil, and even the politicians that refuse to take action even when they should. The problem is that no one will hold any of these people accountable because we can't agree that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with. We can see black oil spilling across our oceans, and if we're not careful, this will become another "fact" that a year from now we forget about. Those who have the influence to do so need to use this to TEACH us what the problem is and how to avoid it happening again. Politicians need to use this to make sure that they can vote for renewable energy expansion without worrying about how their constituents will react. Our society needs to be taught how our personal actions can make a major difference in whether or not this ever comes about again.

The financial markets are the same. I have written before about financial inequality, and won't repeat myself. What I will say is that when we talk about financial reform, the average person hears words and phrases like derivatives, and market instability, and stops paying attention. The average American doesn't grasp what the problem is. Even educated members of our society don't understand the details of what's going on, unless they happen to be in finance. With all this complicated madness being thrown about, is it any wonder that people have a hard time getting behind anything that makes major change?

These two issues and this article are just examples of how we fail at explaining and educating when it comes to issues. When everyone has information at their fingertips, it is easy to think that we know more. The problem is that we normally know more facts or ideas than we do actually truth and situational understanding. When no one understand what's going on, those who have influence in the media, or who spend billions on ad blitzes are going to come out on top simply because their information will be seen the most. Leaders in our society from the President on down need to work to turn these events and all this information into teachable moments. If people can understand where you're coming from, they can stand for or against you, but at least they will do so with conviction and solid grounding. Right now all we do is stand on what has been spouted out in the moment, and where's the strength in those arguments?