So today was the day that I made my "official" move to
I was a little surprised at how little I felt like I needed when I moved. Granted, some things, like my books or DVDs I wouldn't get rid of, but so much stuff simply didn't seem necessary. Maybe I should look at my possessions like that more often and see how much I keep. But on with the philosophizing.
Since this all worked out so suddenly, there wasn't a lot of time to prepare, or to tell anyone what was going on. When the possibility that this would happen came up, I didn't really want to spread the word that I might be moving. Much better in my mind to wait until I had some things solidified. The bad part of this plan, is that the people I know pretty much got a week's notice I was leaving, and of that time, I was only free for a few days to see them.
A few things were exasperating. First was the calls I got from people insisting that I visit them. Granted, some of these people are ones that I would have given a great deal to see, but seriously when you have 48 hours to fit everyone in, driving for hours on end doesn't really fit well into the equation. I was hoping that some people would have tried harder to make it work. Lastly, and perhaps the most interesting thing that I noticed was the guys.
Since I have started dating, there have been a few guys that really made an impact on me, but never actually went anywhere. The reasons range everywhere to prior commitments, to distance, poor timing, whatever. The point is that at some point no matter how much you like someone or care about them, when it isn't working out, you have to move on. Since my "announcement" some of these guys, in fact a large portion of this category, have called me and talked to me all bewildered. One of them even said to me, "I just always took for granted that you would be there." Like I was the guy that when they finally figured out what was going on would be sitting there waiting for them. While the reactions were varied, from wanting to sleep with me before I left, to avoidance to outright depression, the thing that seemed to ring so true to me is that this was a bit ridiculous. I mean there are two or three of these guys that at one point in my life would have given up a great deal to be with. I am fairly certain this was apparent. To see this backlash, calls from one in I haven't even talked to in months, strange conversations, all kind of threw me.
I am not sure what it was that made them feel this way, but I have to say it is probably close to the same with all of them. Perhaps it is something as simple as me seeming to be dependable, giving them the idea that they could always rely on me to be there, or maybe I make myself too available. I mean when you wear your heart on your sleeve, I know that I give up a great deal of control. Perhaps this is even more than I had imagined. Somehow I am making it to that the depth of my feelings gives the illusion that I am there at their pleasure. I am pretty sure I need to make sure that in the future, I make sure people know that no matter how much I care about them, I have to take care of me.
But on with the happier aspects. Halloween was a great night, but I focused as little as possible on what was coming up and just had a good time with my friends particularly Justin who was an awesome friend to "date" for the evening.
I really started out with a going away party at Bar Natasha, of course. I invited nearly everyone that I knew in the city, which is a hard thing to do when you know so many people and have very little notice, but still, I figured it was important enough that people would attend. I was surprised three times with that party. First, most of my family came. That was impressive. Secondly, there were very few people by comparison to what I expected. Finally, perhaps the most surprising was the quality of time I had with the people that were there. I realized that most of my closest friends had worked it out, and seeing them together and having a good time when really the only thing they had in common was me, is really a great thing. There was a particular appearance that really made my night, and I think that a lot of things that have been floating around in my life were kind of brought to a better place. Of course it came as no surprise that only half the people were there at any one time, and that some of my friends came at the last minute and decided to drag me all around for the rest of the night.
The next night was something I was marginally dreading. I had our HRC Comedy Night, and though I was excited about the event, I was not looking forward to explaining to everyone that I was leaving. Given my leadership position in the organization, it is going to be an interesting transition, especially when there is no time to really plan. The overwhelming response, however, made me feel as though my fear was a bit ridiculous. Every single person I talked to was very excited for me and thought that what IW as doing was great. There was no concern for how we would work things out, or anything of the sort. Only my friends supporting me in something that was great for me.
The rest of the weekend was up and down. Some things were harder than others. Rae made people cry when she sang Ordinary Boy for me at Bar Natasha, Cody's reactions have been surprisingly mature and heartfelt, and a few of my friends surprised me with what they thought. I will miss people a lot.
I am completely happy with my decision, and have no regrets. In fact I think that the people I am going to miss actually make it feel more worthwhile to leave a place. I am at the perfect time in my life to make this change, and it is something that has been a long time coming. I am not going to look back, but it is nice to know that I have left a footprint behind me.
