Fire and Ice

When you are near, the sun's light shines,
your absence clouds the brightest day.

Your touch warms the coldest nights,
your smile, the coldest hearts.

The blazing fire you represent
is all more noticed when it's gone.

When your blaze turns away,
even a summer breeze seems cold.

Though I live my life by fire,
you can make my heart ice.

Winter's chill has come,
by your own design.

Two flames make twice the light,
separate, they quickly burn out.

Will you see that I am your fire,
before mine goes out?

Thankful for

So now that Thanksgiving is over, I thought I would write about what I have been thinking about. At Randy's dinner, he has a tradition of making everyone go around and say what they are thankful for. It was actually something that I thought was really cool, even though some thought it silly. I was the first to go, and on the spot, I said I was thankful for my friends, most specifically my best friend, and those who would stick beside me no matter what.

One girl said that she was thankful for music. Another was thankful for colors. I was completely taken aback by these. They were so interesting. I thought about how fantastic life was because of things like music and colors, and wonder if there could truly be any humanity without them. Of course, there are people who are forced to live without either of these things, and I consider that a travesty. I watched Latter Days again today, and though the movie can always make me cry, when I watch the music videos, I cry even harder. Music simply can move my soul.

I have known this for a long time. Boys who can sing stir my soul with hardly an effort, and though I consider myself a movie man over music, I think that the songs are an integral part of a film, and am always moved by an impressive soundtrack.

So given a day of reflection, what am I thankful for? I am still thankful for my friends. They are one of the few things in my life that I feel are a real gift to me. Though I can work hard to earn a friendship, I cannot make one. I can simply give the gift of friendship and pray for it in return.

I am thankful that I am me. Over the last several years, I have done a lot of searching, and self discovery, and I have learned that I love me. I love even my faults. I am glad that I was created the way I am, and wouldn't give up any part of me.

I am thankful for beauty and love. I cannot imagine life without these things. I believe that no matter who you are, you deserve beauty and love. For each person these things look different, but everyone knows what they mean. In every culture known to man, we have always had these two things, and I believe that we always will. Whatever force or being created these two things deserves my thanks.

Alright. That's it. I could think of many more things, but listing them would bore both you and me, and really, they would diminish what I consider those that are most important. I hope that all had a great holiday, and that the rest of the season brings happiness.

No day but today

I am not able to sleep, because my emotions are still in overdrive. Tonight, Randy had his International Thanksgiving Dinner, which was fun, but I will speak more to later. After the dinner, most of us went to see the movie Rent. I loved the musical, and was excited to see it made into a movie, but was completely unprepared for the impact it would have.

To me, the best movies are the ones that can make you laugh and cry, and I was laughing so hard that my side hurt, and later was continually crying my eyes out. Rarely can I say that there was hardly a dry eye in the theatre, but it was certainly true in this case. The majority of people were sniffling throughout a great portion of it, and many came out of the movie with eyes reddened from their tears. It was that powerful.

One of the things that I realize was that the movie had me crying as much in happiness as it did in sadness. Scenes in the movie uplifted my spirits as much as other depressed me. The simple message of the movie of living life to its utmost is something that I believe wholeheartedly in, and yet I cannot think of any other film that has portrayed it so well.

One other interesting point of note is how much it made me want that person whom I will spend the rest of my life with. Though I do not know when I will find them (or if I already have) it reminded me of my intense desire to share my life with someone. Strangely, many points in the movie conjured images of someone I know who is very dear to me. I am not sure exactly what that means, but I do know that there are circumstances in my life that I have been delicate with for far too long. Brock pointed out to me that that is not who I am. I am aggressive and determined, and holding back can't truly lead to anything that will make me ultimately happy. He reminded me of Chris, who I held back not an ounce with. Though we aren't together, we were very happy and to this day, he and I are close friends. I guess it is rather hypocritical of me to believe that I should be myself, and then knowingly go against that very nature.

Moral of the story: We only rent the life that we have. We might as well make the most of what is there, and get off the bench and see what happens. Bad things can happen, but indecision only leaves you cold and empty. "No day but today."

"There's Only Now
There's Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today"

Change a Mind... Save a Life

I bought a CD (Utopia) last time I was in DC, and this is what it contained in the cover. I think it speaks for itself:


Letter to the Editor:


"As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life with no dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

No choice
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.

For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?

If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

Principles?
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending.

My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?" --Sharon Underwood

Goblet of Fire

I just wanted to take a quick moment to say that the new Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire is absolutely amazing. Though they had to cram an immense amount into a small amount of time, I think they did it very well, and on top of that, it made me cry. Amazing. If you like fantasy at all, go see it!