Fire and Ice

When you are near, the sun's light shines,
your absence clouds the brightest day.

Your touch warms the coldest nights,
your smile, the coldest hearts.

The blazing fire you represent
is all more noticed when it's gone.

When your blaze turns away,
even a summer breeze seems cold.

Though I live my life by fire,
you can make my heart ice.

Winter's chill has come,
by your own design.

Two flames make twice the light,
separate, they quickly burn out.

Will you see that I am your fire,
before mine goes out?

Thankful for

So now that Thanksgiving is over, I thought I would write about what I have been thinking about. At Randy's dinner, he has a tradition of making everyone go around and say what they are thankful for. It was actually something that I thought was really cool, even though some thought it silly. I was the first to go, and on the spot, I said I was thankful for my friends, most specifically my best friend, and those who would stick beside me no matter what.

One girl said that she was thankful for music. Another was thankful for colors. I was completely taken aback by these. They were so interesting. I thought about how fantastic life was because of things like music and colors, and wonder if there could truly be any humanity without them. Of course, there are people who are forced to live without either of these things, and I consider that a travesty. I watched Latter Days again today, and though the movie can always make me cry, when I watch the music videos, I cry even harder. Music simply can move my soul.

I have known this for a long time. Boys who can sing stir my soul with hardly an effort, and though I consider myself a movie man over music, I think that the songs are an integral part of a film, and am always moved by an impressive soundtrack.

So given a day of reflection, what am I thankful for? I am still thankful for my friends. They are one of the few things in my life that I feel are a real gift to me. Though I can work hard to earn a friendship, I cannot make one. I can simply give the gift of friendship and pray for it in return.

I am thankful that I am me. Over the last several years, I have done a lot of searching, and self discovery, and I have learned that I love me. I love even my faults. I am glad that I was created the way I am, and wouldn't give up any part of me.

I am thankful for beauty and love. I cannot imagine life without these things. I believe that no matter who you are, you deserve beauty and love. For each person these things look different, but everyone knows what they mean. In every culture known to man, we have always had these two things, and I believe that we always will. Whatever force or being created these two things deserves my thanks.

Alright. That's it. I could think of many more things, but listing them would bore both you and me, and really, they would diminish what I consider those that are most important. I hope that all had a great holiday, and that the rest of the season brings happiness.

No day but today

I am not able to sleep, because my emotions are still in overdrive. Tonight, Randy had his International Thanksgiving Dinner, which was fun, but I will speak more to later. After the dinner, most of us went to see the movie Rent. I loved the musical, and was excited to see it made into a movie, but was completely unprepared for the impact it would have.

To me, the best movies are the ones that can make you laugh and cry, and I was laughing so hard that my side hurt, and later was continually crying my eyes out. Rarely can I say that there was hardly a dry eye in the theatre, but it was certainly true in this case. The majority of people were sniffling throughout a great portion of it, and many came out of the movie with eyes reddened from their tears. It was that powerful.

One of the things that I realize was that the movie had me crying as much in happiness as it did in sadness. Scenes in the movie uplifted my spirits as much as other depressed me. The simple message of the movie of living life to its utmost is something that I believe wholeheartedly in, and yet I cannot think of any other film that has portrayed it so well.

One other interesting point of note is how much it made me want that person whom I will spend the rest of my life with. Though I do not know when I will find them (or if I already have) it reminded me of my intense desire to share my life with someone. Strangely, many points in the movie conjured images of someone I know who is very dear to me. I am not sure exactly what that means, but I do know that there are circumstances in my life that I have been delicate with for far too long. Brock pointed out to me that that is not who I am. I am aggressive and determined, and holding back can't truly lead to anything that will make me ultimately happy. He reminded me of Chris, who I held back not an ounce with. Though we aren't together, we were very happy and to this day, he and I are close friends. I guess it is rather hypocritical of me to believe that I should be myself, and then knowingly go against that very nature.

Moral of the story: We only rent the life that we have. We might as well make the most of what is there, and get off the bench and see what happens. Bad things can happen, but indecision only leaves you cold and empty. "No day but today."

"There's Only Now
There's Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today"