Changed Directions

So I have decided to write about something that has come up in conversations with several of my friends lately that at least in some way touches most people throughout their life. The issue is self worth with regards to progress and goals. Maybe it's the changing of the seasons, but several people have gotten very downtrodden and one of the main things that they seem to have issue with is that they feel like they aren't going anywhere. Since I have had this feeling several times in my life, I can understand completely, but as I have gotten older, I have come to have a greater understanding of the problem, and what to do about it.

I think that there is some inherent need within people to have direction in their lives. For some people (like myself) it is almost a constant driving force, while in others it only occurs to them once in a while, but somewhere deep down, it still exists. No matter which of these people you are, there are points in your life where you stop, look around and when you see yourself with no direction to go, or no ground behind you, it is easy to become down, to lose faith in yourself and feel uncomfortable in your life. I know that there have been several occasions where that has been the case with me.

As most of you know, I am a very ambitious and driven person. In addition, my goals often seem ridiculously grandiose to most people. For me, I have always felt that I had a lot to do in this world, and I have never felt satisfied setting my goals lower than what my heart told me to. In addition, I am, in true Sagittarian form, blindly optimistic, so I can get away with goals that most people balk at. Of course with such high aims, and of course my lack of patience, I often became discouraged at life's challenges.

One of the best examples I can think of is school. Immediately after high school, I went to Harvard, but could only afford to stay for one session. When I came back, I got entangled in the life of my best friend at the time, and basically because of him put of school for the next 2 and a half years. When I finally realized the impact that he was having on my life and the selfish nature with which he was using me, I felt impossibly behind. For me, my life had always been planned around the thought of good grades in high school, followed by college, and from there to make my dreams come true. This horrible deviation derailed me and sent me spiraling down into self defeat.

Since that time, I have realized that my impression was wrong. Although there may have been benefit to avoiding the situation altogether, having lived through it, I had to make the best of what I was left with. What I found was that during that time, I unearthed my natural affinity for business, and learned some of life's most valuable lessons. These things probably wouldn't have happened on my "dream track." Of course since then, I have put some emphasis on school, but it has now been prefaced on learning, not on the degree, and I am no longer willing to sacrifice my life for that peice of paper.

I am now almost 24 years old, and had I followed my road map, I would have graduated a year and a half ago. I would probably even have a good job, although I don't know if I would be happy there. What I have instead is the groundwork for my dream. I have started making the network of businesses which I feel will bring my goals into fruition. Had I not been derailed by life, I may never have found this outlet, and I certainly wouldn't be as far along today as I am. People seem constantly surprised that I have done so much with my life at so young, and I now realize that it wasn't my original intention at all. I simply grasped the straws that I was left with and made the most of it. In retrospect, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

The moral that I draw from this story is mainly that you can't be defeated. You can't look back on your life and see how little ground you have covered, and let that hold you back. There are going to be times when we feel like we are walking in place. If we stop, then we truly do lose our momentum. It is important to keep going forward towards our goals and to let life throw things in our path. I have always believed that things happen for a reason. Call it fate or the hand of God, I think that we sometimes need to be derailed in order to get where we really want to go.

What I think is the hardest thing for people to do, and yet the thing that must be done is to keep going, and to take value in the small steps that we take. My friend Christopher recently mentioned to me that he had taken "the first step in a million" that had to be taken in order to get to the career goal that he wants. We all go through this. The important thing to realize is that so long as we are moving forward, we are doing what we need. For Christopher, it was his first literary review. Was it with the publication he wanted, or with the title he desires? No. But he was writing. Do I have my degree? No. But I am constantly taking classes that enhance my education. I am making progress. Do I have an international network of businesses that can change the political and social landscape with its reach? No. But I have created the framework. I have a network in place that in the future can grow to the scope I see so far off. We have to look at this forward progression as an accomplishment all on its own.

One of my friends was lamenting about his job, and how he wanted something more. I told him not ot get so hung up on the fact that he didn't have the job that he wanted yet, but instead to look at whether or not he was doing something that was going to get him where he wanted to go in the future. Was he taking classes? Was he meeting people? Was he reading and expanding his horizions to be able to seek out what he wanted? I told him that if any of these answers were yes, then he was making progress. He was moving forward in his life.

Not trying to be cliche, but I truly believe that "Life is a journey, not a destination." We need to make sure that we are on a journey to better ourselves and reach our goals, but at the same time enjoy ourselves along the way. I am not willing to sacrifice my life or those that I love for a single step in my journey. It may take me longer, but I will get there eventually, and because of the life I have led and the people that I have kept close to me along the way, I will be glad that I got there. I guess what I want to say more than anything is that people should have faith in themselves, and let the journey be a good one. Things won't always go as planned, but so long as you keep moving forward and enjoy the scenery while you are there, things will always work in the end.

Acting on politics

Well, I have just gotten back from St. Louis where I attended the HRC Gala Dinner and a brunch. As always, I come back with a renewed sense of energy from being around people who are truly working to make a difference. I sometimes forget how nice it is to have discourse over the challenges that are facing our community, country, and world, and being reminded of it certainly puts me in a good frame of mind.

This trip was exceptionally energizing, partially because I was able to have more intimate conversations with people. Although we were all there in support of the HRC the things that we discussed covered a much broader spectrum. I think that once a person takes it upon themselves to make a difference in one area, it is a lot easier for them to realize what's going on in the other areas of their life. Unfortunately I don't think that enough people take this initial step, and as such, a few individuals are carrying a large portion of the weight of making change. Even voting seems beyond the capabilities of so many people, and then of course there are those that vote with only half the information that they really need.

One of my friends remarked that this year has really opened their eyes as to how easy it is to be led by politicians and the media. When having discussions, people will regurgitate opinions that aren't there own simply because they had heard them elsewhere. It's aggravating to me because so often there is little research as to what exactly the statement that they are making really means.

As you saw at the opening of this entry, I watched The American President. I really enjoyed that movie, even though in some ways it seemed a bit of a stretch, but the message was really good. Without going into too much detail, the President (Michael Douglas) starts going out with a girl, and his opponent makes it into this big smear campaign. He takes little truths, and blows them out of proportion, trying to enrage the average American.

When I saw this scenario, I almost laughed. I wish that I could write down Douglas's final speech word for word because he retaliates in a way that I can't do justice to. His basic argument was that people who resort to fear tactics do so because they can't actually talk about anything important. The people who use fear and anger to run campaigns are doing so because they want to win. These people aren't there for us. Once, Mel Carnahan (former Governor of MO) was talking and he went on at great length about how being in office wasn't a job, and certainly not a career; being in office was a tour of duty. It was a time when you give up a part of yourself to do something for the people that you serve. He talked about civil service, and how that is what politics really is, or should be. The people that lead us are there for us. Once again in the movie, Michael J Fox played a policy advisor who went off on the President, and when called on it, he said something to the effect that he had every right to question him, not because he was an advisor, but because he was a citizen, and it was our right and our duty to question our leaders.

I truly hope to see more people become involved in the world. For all its horrible implications, this election has registered a record number of voters. It is my hope that maybe some of these people are starting to see the problems with what's going on in the world. As Douglas said, "This country has a lot of problems." I want to see people go out there and support politicians who are actually going to fix these problems. So many times I read about bills that baffle me. What do they really do to solve the problems? Democrats are notorious for settling; spending money, but not doing enough or in the right way to fix the problem, and Republicans seem to overload there senses with money and religion that they can't get to the problem either.

I am tired of seeing bills like business bill that came out of congress just a short time ago that gave so much away, mostly with pork-barrelling, but didn't solve any of the economic problems we have in this country, and yet so many people applauded the effort.

In the last month, I have attended more political and charity events than I have in the last year, and it has given me great hope, and a greater energy. I talk to these people who are starting to see clarity in the problems around, and they are trying to find solutions. This is what our country needs. Politicians won't change if citizens don't make them. We all have the ability to do more. We all can fight for more than we do, but it seems that we let things get in the way. It is my belief that it is our duty to pay attention. We have a lot of freedom, but we let so much of it go to waste, and even risk losing it by our inaction. I have determined not to let that happen where I am concerned and I hope that the people that know me and listen to me come away with the same kind of feeling. Taking a stand is never a bad thing, so long as you believe in what you fight for. Even when I am in disagreement with those who are behind what they believe, I can respect them. I urge everyone to make thier own stand and use whatever they have, be it their voice, their dollar, or their time. Make a difference. If we won't how can we expect the world to ever change?

Life's steam truck?

Ugh. I feel like I was hit by a steam truck. For some reason, last night, I got entirely hot and although a nice bath helped, it didn't produce any lasting effects. So, I just went to bed. A night of feverish dreams is all that I found. As interesting as those dreams were, it made it so that I got little real sleep, but stayed in bed for an incredibly long time. Today was little better, although at some point in the night my fever did seem to break for the most part. All that was left today seemed to be the lethargy and soreness, of course there was plenty of that to go around. Sadly, this feeling kept me from accomplishing much today, which I greatly regret.

I am not a guy who gets sick very often, but when I finally do, it hits me hard and mercilessly. It drives me nuts that I can't seem to get anything done when it happens. I tried to work on a paper, listen to some lectures, and get some sheets done for work, but to no avail. I simply could not focus on what I was trying to do, and as such, I am greatly agitated. This may in fact be part of why I am writing about how I physically feel- because I can't seem to form any respectable or coherent thoughts that might interest you.

I sometimes wonder if instances like this are my body's way of forcing me to slow down. Thinking back on all the things that I had intended to do today kind of makes me realize how much I cram into a day, and if it happens to drain my energy or make me sleep a little less, I don't really mind. It kind of makes sense that I would only be able to do this for so long. Despite how much I like breaking the rules, there is only so much that I can get away with, so in that sense, I can understand why my body would have to force me to take a breather. Lord knows I am not likely to do it on my own.

Well, I am sure that you are bored out of your mind by now, and I would hate for you to lose interest, so I will leave you with that for now. Take care.