This entry was inspired when I was sent this quote:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." --St. Augustine
Sort of brilliant, no?
The interesting distinction that he makes when distinguishing between the feelings of being "in love" and actual love are quite interesting. Particularly when so often you will hear people say "I love you, but I am not in love with you." Apparently, said people would be neither. They have neither felt the incredible fireworks of the volatile eruption, nor do they feel that such an event has left them irrevocably linked to another person.
One main thing that I REALLY like about this statement, is that it portrays love as a violent and powerful force of nature. It is something that we have tried for milllenia to control, and have been truly unable to do so. When it comes into your life it is explosive, causing as much damage as possible before you can actually see the great things beneath it. If we go with St. Augustine's analogy, we are almost "in love" so that we can survive together long enough to actually love someone. Without the "breathless excitement and promises of eternal passion" we might very well be unwilling to get to the point with another person where our lives are truly entangled.
The entanglement he mentions is also particularly vivid. I think that image is something that anyone who has ever been in love can visualize for themselves and those they have truly felt for.
Despite all the powerful images he conjures, I think that in the end, the analogy fails to actually capture the entire truth. I would like to think of something without ignoring the man (or woman) involved in the moment, and all the various things that can happen with love. Looking towards nature, I would like to offer the following observation in its place:
Love is the act of two storms crashing together. The mere proximity to one another changes the makeup of each storm and all that surrounds it. Their meeting can be violent or calm. The collision can cause the storms to dissipate completely, rebound off one another in completely different directions, circle around one another for an indefinite period of time, or in the rarest of occasions, the two can merge, becoming a Perfect Storm, one that is greater than either of the two individual parts ever could have been alone.
I like the image of a storm because it can be long or short, and its strength and duration can be completely unrelated to one another. It can be beneficial to the land or destructive, but will always make an impact. Of course, it is constantly changing. Even those loves that last a lifetime, I believe do so not because they are stagnant, but rather that they change together.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!
In these last hours of 2009, I, like so many people am thinking about the year I am leaving behind, and the new time I look forward to. This year, being the end of the first decade of this millennium, I am also looking back forward to this decade of my life. It is fairly fitting time to do this, as because of my birthday, it was also the first decade of my “adult life.”
This year, I celebrated my 10 year high school class reunion. To think that I have spent 10 years out of my childhood is fairly daunting. To think how much I have changed, how much I have grown in ways I never knew I could, is just shy of earth shattering. In the last decade I have come to grips with who I am, fallen in love, had my heart broken. I have made myself a success, lost a great deal of that success. I have traveled the country, returned home, and made myself a true home somewhere far from where I was born. I have made friends that will last a lifetime, and lost many that I thought would stand by me forever. I have been loved, and I have been betrayed by those close to me.
Looking back over it all, I will have to say that more than anything, I walk away from this decade with the knowledge that will last me the rest of my life, and hopefully make me the lasting success in love and in life that we all seem to seek. This last year I will have to say in many ways was the most trying of them all. I seemed to be in constant battle with the one thing that I hate in my life above all others: stagnation.
Given the state of everything in the world, in many ways I am lucky to be stuck in one place. Many people have lost more than I have and have less to look forward to. That said, staying in place, especially when I am not happy where I am is not who I am. Given this insight into the last year, my New Year’s Resolution is going to take a different turn from the traditional, and certainly from what I have done in my past.
This coming year, I resolve to spend my energy making my life the way that I want it regardless of what is going on around me. Much of this will take place at home. Talking to people who have far more experience in the world than I do has made me realize that the saying “home is what you make it” is more true than I ever realized. I am not a big fan of my apartment, and I am planning on moving, but what I realize is that there is much that I can do to make where I live a place that makes me happy. This will be my first step. Changing things in my place, spending the time and sometimes the money to make the small changes that will make my place “MY place” regardless of where that is.
I plan on taking this same philosophy professionally too. I cannot make more work appear, and like everyone else I am dealing with a struggling economy. That said, there are things that I can do whether or not they bring in the bank that will make me professionally happy. Writing and non-profit work come to the forefront of this idea. The more I realize that I have a lot to offer, regardless of the paycheck the happier I will be, regardless of the state of the economy.
The details of these plans are still coming, and the ones I have are definitely not anything I would bore the world with, but suffice to say, this year shall end a chapter of my life, but that the New Year is not going to be one where I have trivial and easy to ignore resolutions. This New Year is going to not endeavor to make changes to me. This year is going to be dedicated instead to simply utilizing myself and the lessons of the last decade to improve the quality of life that I enjoy. I think that this will spill over into other areas of my life, and even to those that I am close to.
So here’s to a new year, a new decade, and a new road to achieve happiness. May we all find what we’re looking for.
This year, I celebrated my 10 year high school class reunion. To think that I have spent 10 years out of my childhood is fairly daunting. To think how much I have changed, how much I have grown in ways I never knew I could, is just shy of earth shattering. In the last decade I have come to grips with who I am, fallen in love, had my heart broken. I have made myself a success, lost a great deal of that success. I have traveled the country, returned home, and made myself a true home somewhere far from where I was born. I have made friends that will last a lifetime, and lost many that I thought would stand by me forever. I have been loved, and I have been betrayed by those close to me.
Looking back over it all, I will have to say that more than anything, I walk away from this decade with the knowledge that will last me the rest of my life, and hopefully make me the lasting success in love and in life that we all seem to seek. This last year I will have to say in many ways was the most trying of them all. I seemed to be in constant battle with the one thing that I hate in my life above all others: stagnation.
Given the state of everything in the world, in many ways I am lucky to be stuck in one place. Many people have lost more than I have and have less to look forward to. That said, staying in place, especially when I am not happy where I am is not who I am. Given this insight into the last year, my New Year’s Resolution is going to take a different turn from the traditional, and certainly from what I have done in my past.
This coming year, I resolve to spend my energy making my life the way that I want it regardless of what is going on around me. Much of this will take place at home. Talking to people who have far more experience in the world than I do has made me realize that the saying “home is what you make it” is more true than I ever realized. I am not a big fan of my apartment, and I am planning on moving, but what I realize is that there is much that I can do to make where I live a place that makes me happy. This will be my first step. Changing things in my place, spending the time and sometimes the money to make the small changes that will make my place “MY place” regardless of where that is.
I plan on taking this same philosophy professionally too. I cannot make more work appear, and like everyone else I am dealing with a struggling economy. That said, there are things that I can do whether or not they bring in the bank that will make me professionally happy. Writing and non-profit work come to the forefront of this idea. The more I realize that I have a lot to offer, regardless of the paycheck the happier I will be, regardless of the state of the economy.
The details of these plans are still coming, and the ones I have are definitely not anything I would bore the world with, but suffice to say, this year shall end a chapter of my life, but that the New Year is not going to be one where I have trivial and easy to ignore resolutions. This New Year is going to not endeavor to make changes to me. This year is going to be dedicated instead to simply utilizing myself and the lessons of the last decade to improve the quality of life that I enjoy. I think that this will spill over into other areas of my life, and even to those that I am close to.
So here’s to a new year, a new decade, and a new road to achieve happiness. May we all find what we’re looking for.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Life Definitions
It has been a long time since my last post, and I just realized this will be #100! Woah. I like to talk. Well in true Rick Raven fashion, no easing in from my long break. Why not tackle the big questions!?
A conversation I have had a few too many times to count happened again today, and it made me think a lot about a much larger question.
The conversation settled around what being gay meant. This friend happens to be one of those “enlightened” gays who insists that being gay is an infinitely small part of who they are and “doesn’t define who [he is].”
Statements like this of course bring up all my standard responses such as what other aspect of your life dictates so much of your time as who you love, etc. My view has always been that the closest thing to your sexuality is probably your religion in relation to your life, but after the conversation was over, I realized that there was a much bigger argument and question to be put forth.
What exactly defines our lives?
My friend, for example says that he defines his own life. This statement is of course obvious. Unless you are a weak willed puppet, this will always be the case. So we define our own lives. But how? What measuring stick do we use? What is ok to allow to define your life?
I would venture to say that many people choose to let religion define their lives. I would say that most of us are defined in large part by our jobs. Is this ok? What about your upbringing? Your education? Are there rules as to what can define your life and what cannot?
To me it all seems pretty ridiculous to say that something can’t define a part of your life. I would say that the only time that some definition to your life is really a bad thing (even if I happen to hate it, Hellllllo Christian Right!) is when that is ALL that you are. When one single aspect of your life is so all encompassing that it doesn’t allow the vast complexities of life to mesh together to create some greater you, that is a problem. For the rest, let what you will define who you are!
Looking inwardly, off the top of my head, I can definitely say that I am definitely defined by being gay, living on the East Coast, specifically NYC, being a hopeless romantic, being a Sagittarius, having experienced an Ivy League college, and being encouraged to read as a child. I am sure that I would think of more given some time.
Now that I think about it, we may have both past and present definitions to our lives. By this I don’t mean things that don’t define who you are anymore, but rather things that are in our past that still shape our lives, and the things that are our present, and our person that continue to shape and define us. When you mesh these together, you make up who you are. I think that we all have things in our past, and aspects of our present that could make us who we are, but we choose for ourselves what will have the biggest impact. And I don’t necessarily mean events. X event will definitely cause Y which may have a huge impact on your life, but you may still not choose to let it define you. For example, being adopted definitely changed the course of my life, but I don’t think it defines me as a person.
In the end, I guess I agree in part with what my friend says. We do choose what defines our lives. We do so by embracing aspects of our lives, memories, people, places, thoughts, and ideas. Some may be huge like your religion, some may be small like who you met on the street. But our choices make this matter or not. I think that the fallacy that so many fall into is thinking that nothing defines who you are, or running away from things that might. To me, who you love is always a HUGE matter to your life. Many other things can fall into this as well. The true enlightenment is not in running away from things that might define your life, but rather embracing those things you want about yourself and learning to discard the rest and letting it fall away, making you the meshing of your own choosing.
A conversation I have had a few too many times to count happened again today, and it made me think a lot about a much larger question.
The conversation settled around what being gay meant. This friend happens to be one of those “enlightened” gays who insists that being gay is an infinitely small part of who they are and “doesn’t define who [he is].”
Statements like this of course bring up all my standard responses such as what other aspect of your life dictates so much of your time as who you love, etc. My view has always been that the closest thing to your sexuality is probably your religion in relation to your life, but after the conversation was over, I realized that there was a much bigger argument and question to be put forth.
What exactly defines our lives?
My friend, for example says that he defines his own life. This statement is of course obvious. Unless you are a weak willed puppet, this will always be the case. So we define our own lives. But how? What measuring stick do we use? What is ok to allow to define your life?
I would venture to say that many people choose to let religion define their lives. I would say that most of us are defined in large part by our jobs. Is this ok? What about your upbringing? Your education? Are there rules as to what can define your life and what cannot?
To me it all seems pretty ridiculous to say that something can’t define a part of your life. I would say that the only time that some definition to your life is really a bad thing (even if I happen to hate it, Hellllllo Christian Right!) is when that is ALL that you are. When one single aspect of your life is so all encompassing that it doesn’t allow the vast complexities of life to mesh together to create some greater you, that is a problem. For the rest, let what you will define who you are!
Looking inwardly, off the top of my head, I can definitely say that I am definitely defined by being gay, living on the East Coast, specifically NYC, being a hopeless romantic, being a Sagittarius, having experienced an Ivy League college, and being encouraged to read as a child. I am sure that I would think of more given some time.
Now that I think about it, we may have both past and present definitions to our lives. By this I don’t mean things that don’t define who you are anymore, but rather things that are in our past that still shape our lives, and the things that are our present, and our person that continue to shape and define us. When you mesh these together, you make up who you are. I think that we all have things in our past, and aspects of our present that could make us who we are, but we choose for ourselves what will have the biggest impact. And I don’t necessarily mean events. X event will definitely cause Y which may have a huge impact on your life, but you may still not choose to let it define you. For example, being adopted definitely changed the course of my life, but I don’t think it defines me as a person.
In the end, I guess I agree in part with what my friend says. We do choose what defines our lives. We do so by embracing aspects of our lives, memories, people, places, thoughts, and ideas. Some may be huge like your religion, some may be small like who you met on the street. But our choices make this matter or not. I think that the fallacy that so many fall into is thinking that nothing defines who you are, or running away from things that might. To me, who you love is always a HUGE matter to your life. Many other things can fall into this as well. The true enlightenment is not in running away from things that might define your life, but rather embracing those things you want about yourself and learning to discard the rest and letting it fall away, making you the meshing of your own choosing.
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