To Motivate the Motivator

I spend a lot of my life motivating and inspiring people. I like to think that I am good at it, but regardless, I have to do it all the time. In every aspect of my work, Boys State, my political work, and even with my friends, I am the guy that gets others to do things. Whether by chance to design, that is pretty much a central thing to my life. I also have a lot of energy and passion for what I do, which seems to help me out a lot when it comes to getting things done, and getting others to do them.

So here's the dilemma: What do you do when you are the motivator, but you have lost your motivation.

I am not sure exactly what the reasoning behind it is, but I have lost a great deal of my ever-present motivation and energy. I think I really started to notice when I got back from Boys State. I was extremely motivated there, and I realized going back to the rest of my life that somehow I had lost that feeling in my everyday life.

This is not good. With my job and the organizations, etc. that I am involved in, everything is based upon me wanting to do it. As the boss of a company, if I am not motivated to make positive forward motion, the company won't. As a leader in organizations, if I am not being innovative and inspirational, the organizations will flounder. But how can you motivate yourself?

It seems funny to me that someone who has such an easy time finding what will bring the best out in others can be so inept at doing it to myself. I have tried looking at a lot of different angles, but I can't seem to find the source... something I think would be vital in solving this problem. I have faced a lot of setbacks in the last few years, but I don't think that is it. It certainly isn't that I don't like what I want to motivate myself to do. It is kind of like motivating myself to work out. I LOVE the way I feel when I work out. I like doing it. Why then is it so hard to bring myself to do something that I actually like doing. It is the same with my company. I love what I do. It makes me happy. Why then has the inspiration and motivation left me? More importantly, how can I get it back?

There is really only one thing that I may be able to work on, and that is the fact that I feel many of the people that inspire me are not in my life as much any more. Maybe their influence on me is more important than I realized. There are three in particular that I know I miss, and maybe I miss their influence on me more than I was aware of. Christopher moving and going to school has left a huge philosophical gap in my life. Brock was always good at firing me up about so many things, and Chris had a similar ability. With two of these far away and another busy building a life, we do not have the same interactions, and I think that might be taking its toll.

I do notice that a lot of people I associate with, may not bring me to the level that I like to play at. Maybe its time that I start going back to those who bring out the best in me. It's funny. I give that advice to people all the time. Maybe I should take a dose of my own medicine.

I also wonder if I have been stagnant for too long. Sitting in one place and not accomplishing something isn't something I do often, or that I enjoy. Maybe there is a place (or many places) in my life that I need a change. Something that I don't even realize is having a major impact on me. Hmmm... more avenues to persue.

Of course, there could be a lot more to this, but I think this might be a good place to start. I am sure that the results of this issue will continue to be the subject of my thoughts, and therefore my writing, but I thank you for listening while I work through this.

Something Different

I have never done this on here, but I was experimenting with a new form of poetry (well, new to me anyway) called a Pantoum. I really like the style. It is unique and yet challenging. Every other line must rhyme, and as you can tell, each verse must contain the second and last line from the one before. You then have to end the poem with the first line of the poem. As I wrote thoughts and feelings came through, and since this is what I normally put on here, I suppose it can just be considered a new form for the entry. This is the first rough draft, and it is as yet untitled:

A casual glance turned lingering gaze,

from simple touch to terrifying heights,

the resulting emotion a powerful haze.

Fondly remember the heated nights.

From simple touch to terrifying heights,

the smile brought endless joy.

Fondly remember the heated nights,

as you venture without your boy.

The smile brought endless joy,

while thoughts of terror haunted eyes.

As venture without your boy,

know he give you more than money buys.

While thoughts of terror haunted eyes,

words of caring filled the car.

Know he gives you more than money buys,

as you think of him from afar.

Words of caring filled the car,

the resulting emotion a powerful haze,

As you think of him from afar:

a casual glance turned lingering gaze.

Distractions vs. Disappearance

Tonight I had an epiphany about my relationship to distractions. I have always been willing to "move the world"- as I put it- for something I care about. I have been called ambitious and driven by most everyone I know. I think about this as I hear stories, or even see movies where the people who normally match these descriptions and wonder how I relate to them. Often you see these people losing one thing that is "important to them" in favor of another. The typical symbol of this tie is the interruptive cell phone. Am I really that kind of person? There are times that I think my phone rings off the hook, and I fall head-long into that trap, but most of the time this doesn't seem to be the case. In The Devil Wears Prada there is a line that I think might apply. "The person whose calls you answer, that is who you are in a relationship with... I hope you are happy together."

How many times do we see or hear about the person who is "married to their work"? I certainly love my work, and feel no need to remove it from areas of my life. I consider my career as a part of me, as much- if different- as my friends, my philanthropic work, my family, and my activism. Each plays an important role in my life. Am I hooked on one more than another? Do I give up part of my life for another? If so, is it too much? These are all questions that I have asked myself for a long time, but I may know how I feel that I have a unique balance between the aspects of my life. Right or wrong, this is my discovery:

The flippant statement that I mentioned at the beginning about moving the world really is more true then I ever realized. I am willing to put nearly everything on hold for what is important, and I do more than I was aware of. This weekend is a perfect example. For many reasons that I won't go into at the moment, I felt I needed to be somewhere. I completely changed all of my plans, passed over some opportunities, etc. so that I could do what I felt needed to be done. Some of this was obvious. Today I realized the depths to which I go. If something is capturing my attention, I turn off all else. I don't take my cell phone with me, I cut myself off. Rather than be distracted, I chose to disappear.

The most obvious and hyperbolized example of this is Boys State. Clearly one of the most important things that I do, there are times when it consumes everything. For nearly two weeks every year, I don't answer my cell phone, I only make cursory checks of my e-mail, etc. A few years ago when my company was new, I tried to do it a little differently. I tried to keep up with both work and Boys State at the same time. While I feel like I did what I needed to, I could feel a dramatic difference. I have never tried to do that again.

This method of focusing on what's important really makes a lot of sense to me. I am a passionate, and fiery person. I also value the diversity in my life, and keep a lot of things going on at once. I like change. New things can sometimes draw my attention in a way that is almost A.D.D. How does all this mix? Like a fire that catches gasoline, all energy goes into the inferno before the fire calms down and looks for a new focus. I do exactly that. I give all my focus to what interests, and what is important to me. I think I have done this all my life, and if anything do it moreso now than ever before. This I know.

What I have yet to figure out is whether this is good or bad. On one hand, it can be really bad to those that people and things that are on the outside when I am focusing on something. I certainly know many people who have in one way or another been frustrated by my... flexibility. On the flip side, what would it mean to what is important to me if I were to change? When I have my friend crying on my shoulder and ignore my cell phone, how can that be wrong? How many times have we heard "give it your all"? That is often the only time that things really get done. Is that the right cost? Would it be better to chose with every ring of the cell phone? At this point I don't know. I bet some people will chose the traditional easy answer of "it depends." Really though, it doesn't. The way you are with what's important to you should be across the board. If not, something isn't really important.

For now, I am content with the knowledge of my reactions, and the questions it will now raise in me. As for the people and things in my life, for now they will have to be content with receiving all of my energy at times, and none at others. For good or ill, it's who I am.